drewcifercdxx submitted this photo with the comment “I’m somewhat of an elder goth, as evidenced by my Robert Smith shirt. I’m up a dogwood, in an old cemetery. It was the middle of the day, that’s why I had it shot in black and white.”
At what age do you become an eldergoth, do you suppose? When I was a youngin’ I used to call anyone over 30 a “SOG” (sad old goth) but now I’m past that point I don’t know when the ‘elder’ bit starts. I don’t know if I want to be an eldergoth anyway. It sounds like I should be shaking my fist at the kiddiegoths and telling them to get out of my cemetery/dancefloor/black section at the op-shop… wait…
I like this goth’s honestly; he has embraced his eldergoth-ness and is celebrating it, and he admits that he has intentionally made the photo black and white due to the day time shot. He is a decent height in the tree, he’s not smiling, and he’s in a cemetery. Bonus points for the giant head of Robert Smith on his shirt and for just being honest about things. Refreshing.
4.7 out of 5 - I must be turning into an eldergoth if I find honesty exciting. When I swap the vodka for tea you’ll know things have really gone to shit.
Jessica submitted this photo with the comment “The night was cold and dark. Almost as cold and dark as I am.”
If the night was as cold and dark as you say, mon amie gothique, then why do you have bare arms? It suggests to me that you’re not as cold at heart as you think you are. To be honest, most goths aren’t as cold at heart as they’d have you believe. Just show a goth a video of orphaned baby bats and watch what happens (I swear I retained my stony composure the entire length of each video *ahem*).
This goth is a decent height up the tree, it’s night time and she’s not smiling. Points deducted for the shitty photo quality. I’m not sure whether to add or deduct points for the red-eye laser stare so I’m not going to do anything.
4.6 out of 5 - Help! I’ve fallen into a baby bat video youtube loop and I can’t get out.
Dr C Sprocken submitted this photo with an accompanying short story:
I’m a self titled goth hunter. Every night I go out with hopes to capture eternally gorgeous images of goths in the wild. Lately, my work has been completely dead and not in a good way. As I went on a dismal walk during the last autumnal evening in Kansas City, I thought to myself that all the spookiness in this town must have been completely eradicated by the proliferation of readily available slurpee machines. Just as I was about to give up and go drool over latex unicorn man viral videos, I noticed something aglow high up in a tree. With my camera at the ready I crept close. The feeling that something special was about to unfold rattled deep in my bones. I lifted up a prickly branch, darted under, and snapped shots like crazy. I was blinded and two large somethings skittered past me like howler monkeys into the night! I laid writhing in a pile of tree needles for about an hour until I could see again. When I finally could, this photo was the only one that remained on my camera. I believe I have captured the rarest and greatest photo in the history of gothdom! The mere existence of gothic man booty already makes this an incredibly rare photo! However, this is clearly a moment captured during the ancient ritual summoning of The Great Lord Bootyzebub known to have once blessed a young Trent Reznor. Never before today has such a rare occurrence been documented and released to the public! May Bootyzebub rise again!
Night time? ✔
Height in tree: high
Goth count: 2
Outfit rating: high
Not smiling: ✔
Gothic arse-in-moonlight: ✔
My satisfaction level: through the canopy.
Bonus points: excellent boots, mention of Trent Reznor’s arse (haha look at Trent’s arse in cut-offs. I wonder if he’s a never-nude?)
5 out of 5 - Nothing beats a gothic arse-in-moonlight shot.
noisy-dreaming submitted this photo with the comment “Twinning in a tree, gothic lolita style.”
I think you’ll all agree that if you’re going to go down the twinning path then you may as well do it up a massive ancient tree dressed as gothic lolitas. I tried really hard to be a gothic lolita at one stage and I failed miserably. It’s probably due to having issues with excessive frills, a hatred of white stockings, and no friends who look even vaguely like me to twin with up a tree with *woe* um… *not really woe because I’m an individual, yo*
Lucky for these two ladies it appears that neither of them is afflicted by my myriad of gothic lolita preventing issues. They’re not smiling; they’re a decent height up an ancient, yet conveniently climbable, tree. One of them is looking at us in a questioning way as if she’s curious as to why we’re not wearing the same outfit. It’s daylight but they’re in the shade. Bonus points for twinning it, gothic lolita style.
4.4 out of 5 - On Wednesdays we dress like gothic lolitas.
mostfacinorous submitted this photo with the comment “Everyone we know has been very carefully avoiding being found in the compromising position of being both goth and in a tree ever since we learned of the existence of gothsuptrees. But one of us was bound to slip up eventually. Fair is fair, though, and so up it goes.”
This goth has found himself a comfortable spot to tweet about how alone he is as the only individual at a party full of god-damned hipsters #treegoth #someoneturnoffthecrystalcastles #waitingfordeath #lostmyglove #nofilter
There are many elements of this photo that I like; it’s night time, our goth is not smiling, he’s in a fairy-light laden tree, he’s partaking in an alcoholic beverage, and he couldn’t be bothered to put down his bloody phone. I’m concerned about our goth’s height in the tree, so I’m going to deduct points for that (unless I receive proof that he is properly in the tree).
4.8 out of 5 - Another goth succumbing to the inevitable and tweeting about it
sinister-death submitted this photo with the comment “Taking photos in a park? Why not climb up some trees?”
This goth has asked the questions that every serious goth should ask themselves when they find themselves in a park. The other serious questions they should ask themselves are: ‘Why didn’t I wear a panne velvet cape today?’, ‘Do my blacks match?’ and ‘Is it too early to be drunk?’. The question I asked myself in a park today was “what possessed you to wear double black velvet to work?” (it’s like double denim but more goth). Anyone with half a goth-brain knows that a velvet dress worn with a velvet coat will cause dress/coat friction-based rising resulting in an arse-displaying costume malfunction which you only discover halfway to work after walking along a major road for 15 minutes.
This goth looks like someone who knows that double velvet should never be attempted. She’s a medium height up the tree, she’s not smiling and she has done the right thing by taking advantage of the low UV levels of winter daylight. She’s wearing a practical yet stylish cool-weather outfit with maximum layers. Bonus points for having at least 3 chains on her person.
4.85 out of 5 - Avoid double velvet at all costs
Becky Kilfoyle submitted this photo and a few others with the comment “A few photos of myself and a from a day out at Basingwerk Abbey in North Wales. Admittedly it’s daytime and I’m looking rather more metal than goth on this particular day but it was a good location. Note how my friend’s tattoo helps to camouflage her against the ivy on the tree!”
Becky, you’re looking goth enough for me and, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the majority of humanity can’t differentiate between goths and a metal people anyway.
I’ve been trying to restrain myself from saying something about how well this goth is werking the trees at Basingwerk Abbey but I failed. WERK it! Gah, I apologise. Our goth here is looking commanding in her up-tree pose, like some sort of up-tree bouncer. I would expect her to say “not in those shoes, mate” to tree climbing hopefuls. She’s high in the tree and she’s not smiling although it is daylight. Bonus points for the pose and the 12th century Abbey location.
4.5 out of 5 - Personally, I wouldn’t admit anyone to climb my tree if they used the word ‘werk’ in my presence. No, that’s not a euphemism.
nativityinblvck submitted this photo with the comment “my girlfriend brynna and i were walking in sutro forest in san francisco on a beautiful foggy afternoon and thought what better time to take gothsuptrees photos?”
"What better time to take goths up trees photos?", he says. NIGHT TIME is a better bloody time! I’m shocked anyone would think that foggy afternoon was superior to night time no matter the visibility level.
Our lovely goth couple here have excelled in all other areas of goths-up-tree-ness; they’re high up their tree/s, well dressed and they’re not smiling. I have the same earrings the violet haired goth is wearing but they’re too bloody heavy for my piss-weak little ears and I can’t wear them for fear of unintended lobe stretching, so bonus points for earlobe tugging endurance.
4.7 out of 5 - Apparently it’s World Goth Day AGAIN. Support your local goths up trees by bringing them a bottle of vodka and a straw and complimenting them on their new jacket. I’m celebrating by eating carrot soup to improve my night vision.
teichpirat submitted this photo with the comment “This was taken at last year’s Wave-Gotik-Treffen in Leipzig,Germany, actually as a kind of tribute to Goths up trees… Here you have us 4 oldschool waver girls with crosses, pikes, leather jackets, … and a tree. It won’t get much better that this.”
Ladies, I appreciate your work immensely but I think it’s a bit rich to say that “it won’t get much better than this”. It could be night time, for example, all of you could be up a tree, in focus, and not smiling *ahem*
Despite these obvious faults, I like the symmetry our goths have achieved here. The supporting cast members on the ground are doing some fine work with their poses and outfits, perhaps even outshining the up-tree goths. The up-tree goths are a low height in the tree and one does appear to be smirking. Bonus points for the excellent outfits, photo composition and the Wave Gotik Treffen location.
3.8 out of 5 - I would hope that every climbable tree at Wave Gotik Treffen contains at least one goth.
Lu Rod submitted this photo and several others with the comment “I love treeclimbing!”
Here we have a lovely gothy up-tree photo featuring a charming goth in a top-hat with nearly full skin coverage, as you can see in this helpful pre-climb photo he also submitted. He’s well dressed, high in the tree and he’s not smiling, so points there. There’s a minor deduction for the daylight, although 98% of his skin is covered (does his face count for 2%?)
I’m not sure if I should add or subtract points for the quantity of photos he gave me to choose from because I had difficulty deciding and I don’t like it when I people make things more difficult for me. He is clearly passionate about trees, though, so I can’t be annoyed at him for long.
4.9 out of 5 - I hope this guy has tree climbing listed as a skill on his résumé.
MistressGothburger666 submitted this photo with the comment “8 Goths up a tree with 1 pug at night time. In your face”.
There you have it, friends, 8 goths up a tree at night time with 1 pug supporting cast member in our collective faces. None of the goths are smiling and two of them are too reclusive to even face the camera. There seems to be a bit of skin showing there but no one’s ever been tanned by moonlight as far as I know. Bonus points for the New Rocks, supporting pug, the sheer number of goths and the creative use of mobile phones for lighting purposes. I imagine a fair bit of phone battery was expended for this shot but I think it’s worth it. I just hope they had some battery left to tweet about how they have run out of battery from posing up trees. Excellent job, goths. I wish to be friends with the likes of you.
5 out of 5 - 8 goths up one tree + 1 pug IN OUR FACES.
Cinder submitted this photo with the comment “It’s so hard to find a good tree in Arizona. After all I don’t see “Goth’s up Cactus” is that even possible? Golden Valley, Arizona. Just outside Kingman.”
Goths up Cacti would definitely be attractive for the masochists amongst us and I have evidence that it is possible. For your consideration I present these dudes who managed to climb up a cactus while a helpful supporting cast member held off irritated officials who don’t seem to appreciate it when you climb protected species. Obviously, the guys up the cactus look more like hipsters searching for local boutique beer joint than goths, but we don’t really care about them, do we? No.
Our goth here has found herself a tree in a car park, which is not ideal but she’s working with the tree she’s been given. She’s nicely covered up from the sun’s rays, she’s a medium height up the tree, and she’s definitely not smiling. Bonus points for tree climbing against the odds.
4.6 out of 5 - If someone can find a cactus that will support their weight and that isn’t a protected species then they should get up it ASAP or just wrap it in a blanket and give it a hug
Paisley Wayward submitted this photo with no comment.
Here we have a goth with hippie tendencies (gippy? hoth? hipoth?) up a tree. She’s peering at the sky with a look of disdain, which is the way all goths should observe the sun, especially when one has tattoos because one does not want one’s tattoos to fade!
Our goth is not smiling and she’s mostly in the shade despite the daylight. I am unable to see her feet to get an accurate impression of her tree height, but I think I can deduce from her effort in the other areas that she is a low/medium height up the tree (however, I’m in the midst of a chocolate stupor so my judgement may be impaired). Bonus points for the excellent dreadies and pretty tattoos.
4 out of 5 - Happy zombie-alcohol-chocolate holiday to me. Oh, alright… and to you too, you needy bastards.
katmisfortune submitted this photo and one other with the comment
"This is me, up a tree in City Park. Please excuse the wretched sunlight, as it’s harder to get as far up in the darkness, we had to take the picture nearing sundown. I managed to stay in complete shade, thank goodness. (The [extra] picture is for reference as to how far up I had gotten into the tree…. Why they’re smiling, I haven’t a clue… Maybe it’s the adorable baby’s infectious smile)"
I appreciate it when goths go to the trouble to send me a context photo to ensure I don’t mark them low for tree height. They don’t just expect that I will trust them when they tell me things, which is good because I ain’t no fool; I just scored 100% on the Introduction to Work Health & Safety course that I was forced to complete at work. It had really difficult questions like “Why shouldn’t you drink alcohol at work?” and “Is it inappropriate to hang pictures of naked people in your cubicle?” That’s right, kids, contrary to what you might think with all the tree climbing shenanigans and clothing that impedes movement, goths can be workplace safety geniuses too.
It’s possible that this goth is also a work health and safety genius; she is mostly out of the sun and looks safe and secure high up her impressive tree. She’s not smiling and has an excellent haircut and casual goth outfit.
4.8 out of 5 - Don’t worry, I’m not going to start forcing goths to wear crash helmets up trees unless you can find me a stylish black one that doesn’t mess up my hair or makeup and looks fetching with a corset.
Lee submitted this photo with the comment “This is my Goth friend Dan climbing a tree after a couple beverages. This was the first time he’d smiled in years, I guess climbing trees had that sort of effect on Goths”
As a fellow drunken goth, I am fully aware of the difficulty in maintaining a straight face when attempting inebriated up-treeness. However, some uber goths manage it. “How?” I hear you ask. Sometimes it’s practice, sometimes their facial muscles have atrophied, sometimes it’s the PVC gently tugging at a single pube, but mostly it’s just sheer force of uberness that gets them through. This guy sadly isn’t afflicted by uberness.
It’s night time and he’s clearly on the move between pubs. I’m getting a more ‘hipster who wears black’ feel to his outfit instead of outright gothness, so points deducted there. He’s hanging at a low height and he’s smiling like there’s no goth reputation to uphold tomorrow.
2.4 out of 5 - I don’t believe for a second that this is the first time this guy has smiled in years. He looks like a habitual smiler.