ethan submitted this photo with no comment.

Clearly, no comment was required for this photo. No decent flash was required either, apparently, because we can see all we need to see;

• a surly goth boy,
• up a tree,
• at a decent height,
• AT NIGHT TIME. 

He has just enough light to reflect off his pale skin and his tapetum lucidum (don’t say I don’t teach you stuff). Bonus points for the vaguely black metal pose.

5 out of 5 - Yes.

Franzi submitted this photo with the comment “my best friend and me made this picture at the luispoldhain nürnberg =) greetings from bavaria (germany)”

Greetings back at you, friend!  I’m going to be in Germany in October (huzzah!) and I hope that the trees will be full of goths who will point me in the direction of the best shops and places to go out.  It will be a kind of up-tree goth tourism service.  Fantastic.

Here we have a well dressed cybergoth lady up a tree.  I have a soft spot for cyberish goths as I have been known to dress like one and stare off into the distance while standing on a pile of leaf litter in the past.  I’m gratified by every aspect of this submission except the daylight.  I particularly like the look on this goth’s face; it’s as if some idiot just came up and asked her whether there were any goth shops nearby. 

4.9 out of 5 - Top work

Carrie Shriver and Chrissy Basham submitted this photo with the comment “Goth on a stump.  My friend said it best, “Your tree is the gothiest because it is DEAD!”  Sorry my outfit was not more “gothy”, but I was a Seattle girl in 80 degree Atlanta…I was hot.  I saw this stump and could not resist it.”

I think we all know that heat is not really an excuse for a less gothy outfit, friend, but I’ll allow this because, although the singlet could have been a more suitable colour (black), the rest looks summertime goth appropriate.  I’m also giving you the benefit of the doubt when it comes to goth footwear choice and am imagining suitably stompy boots. 

I like the dramatic ‘oh, I am overcome by heat! I shall loll on this handy stump’ pose.  She’s not smiling and she’s in the shade but it is daylight and the tree height is very low.

3.5 out of 5 - Stump lolling at its finest.

Hannah submitted this photo with the comment “It was a sad day for us, but we tried to be happy. Hannah is a great sport.”

The question is: does Hannah normally refer to herself in the third person or did the submitter accidentally put Hannah’s name in the ‘Name’ field when they should have put theirs?  I’m going to go with the third person option because Verity*, who has to get her jollies where she can, thinks that’s much more amusing. 

Hannah is high up the tree and she’s not smiling.  The cunning use of black and white detracts from the daylight, but I’m not fooled.  I like the industrial cladding on the building behind but I don’t know why. It’s probably a side effect of watching too much Grand Designs recently. 

4.2 out of 5 - I’m deducting points because they admitted that they were trying to be happy despite being perfectly sad at the time.

* Yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out…. although technically you can’t wear names out.. unless of course you cut the letters out of fabric and sewed them together into an outfit… which would be attractive. On second thoughts, please wear it out.

Steffi submitted this photo with the comment “My friend up a tree on a wonderful island called Hiddensee.”

I found this “wonderful island” on wikipedia and I noticed that it didn’t mention the local goths up trees in the Flora and Fauna section. It’s probably better that way because we don’t want the island overrun by tourists wanting to see this obviously shy variety of the species, unless, of course, they start up a sanctuary for them, which would be apt because there are about 50 goth night clubs in the world called “Sanctuary”. 

This goth is very high up the tree and in an uncomfortable looking pose.  I doubt that he/she is smiling.  It’s a sunny day but they’re well covered from the sun’s rays.  I can’t really see what they’re wearing but it’s definitely all black and that’s goth enough for me.

4.4 out of 5 - As my mate* Ian Astbury from The Cult would say if he ever visited this island, “I’m sure in Hiddensee you’ll find the goth sanctuary”. Sorry.

* Not actually my mate

nr1002685 submitted this photo with the comment “Up to you if this is goth enough, but here’s a photo of me crawling across a city centre park tree in Riga in a somewhat intoxicated state!”

This is a goth after my own heart; she’s drunk in a park in the city in the middle of the day and crawling along trees.  She’s provided one of the only excuses for smiling that I’ll accept: intoxication.  She’s a low/medium height up the tree and it’s daylight but I appreciate the crawling-goth action shot.   I like the practical summery outfit.  I am a bit concerned that she seems to doubt her goth cred.  You are goth enough, friend!

4.5 out of 5 - Look at yourself in the mirror every day and repeat:  “I AM GOTH ENOUGH” and then scowl for 30 seconds.

billytalented95 submitted this photo with the comment “me and my friend Josh at a photoshop for our goth/horror/punk band SAVING ROSE ^^ featuring us up trees!”

Here are a serious couple of guys hanging out with their local tree.  I’m struggling to keep this one clean due to the phallic nature of the branch the up-tree is sitting astride.  I mean, really.  I want to make filthy jokes but I know my Mum reads this (HI MUM).  Bonus points are definitely due for keeping such earnest expressions in the circumstances.  The up-tree is a reasonable height up the tree.   He looks more goth and is holding his own (HA!) against the supporting cast member.  It’s a sunny day but they’re in the shade. 

4.2 out of 5 - Please ask permission before resting on another man’s branch.

Emma Robson submitted this photo with the comment “My friends and I went to see Emilie Autumn the other day and took some photos beforehand~ (yes it is in the middle of the day but that’s only because we got to the line really early).  Also this was taken in a cemetery with graves from the 1800’s, if that makes up for it being day-time”

I like this submission because the photographer chose to include a large portion of the tree trunk instead of the including all of the goth in the top left corner and/or any of the alleged gravestones near the tree.  I suspect that the photographer was in an uncooperative mood due an Emilie Autumn inspired tea-rage pre-gig incident.  Understandable, but annoying.

The goths are high up the tree and they’re not smiling.  It’s daytime but they’re in the shade.   Bonus points for the fully visible goth’s cute and practical gig outfit and for climbing in heels. I wish I could see more of the top goth but, thanks to the photographer, that’s not possible. 

4.7 out of 5 - Having photos up trees before going to see a band is a splendid idea.  Having photos with the band up trees is a spectacular idea.

inkcatcher submitted this photo and one other with the comment “I am of the understanding that cowgirl boots aren’t very goth… but they do have inverted crosses on them, and there were motorcycles to be ridden.”

Of course cowgirl boots can be uber goth!  OK, well, maybe not these terrifying pink ones but, as I told off for questioning the cowboy goth look in a previous post, I will present to you the Fields of the Nephilim who are the gothest cowboys I’ve never encountered.  Yeah! Those boys don’t herd cows.  OH NO. They herd bats, black fluffy kittens and bloody great direwolves from the backs of ravens the size of a small car.

Our cowboy booted goth has found herself an excellent tree in a cemetery.  She’s wearing a practical summertime goth outfit with floppy hat for maximum style and facial coverage.  Bonus points for hair colour, boots, lack of smiling,  good tree height and balance, and the graveyard setting.  It’s daylight but it’s an overcast day.

4.85 out of 5 - I’d much prefer a goth in cowboy boots to a goth in ugg boots (they exist, I saw at least 2 last weekend)

Alice submitted this photo with the comment “death from above 2009”

I love to receive photos that pre-date this blog and adhere to the majority of my strict* rules because they vaguely justify my goths up trees cataloguing existence.   This goth gets points for tree height, generally surly yet casual look aided by the tree height and position of the photographer, good hair, and an attempt to stay out of the sun.  I’m intrigued by the asymmetrical jacket in this monochrome outfit.  Bonus points for making me feel better about the way I spend my time.

4.2 out of 5 - The photos of goths up trees from the 80s probably justify my existence more than this one, but every little bit helps a goth’s fragile sense of self worth.

* OK, strictish. 

twinsfactory submitted this photo with the comment “Hi! It´s me a few years ago! I hope you like it! twinsFactory

MissZed submitted this photo with the comment “my take on ‘steamgoth’ not sure if it qualifies for your site but wanted to share as I love the pics on here”

I take all sub-genres of goth here, friend, so your picture qualifies for posting.  Steampunk may not be my favourite goth offshoot (goffshoot - HAH) but I like this lady’s interpretation due to the minimal obvious brown clothing, random cogs or brass octopi.   She’s a medium height in the tree and is using a box for maximum boot display, which I approve of.  She’s out in daylight but she’s in the shade.  Bonus points for cute boots, stockings and corset.  Points deducted for flagrant smiling and what looks like joyous waving (although could be twig obstruction prevention).

4 out of 5 - Being steamy does not exclude you from the smiling rule.

Charlotte Johnson submitted this photo with the comment “Forget the Prime Meridian, go to Greenwich for the trees.”

I’m going to take your advice, Charlotte.  I’m going to Greenwich in September and I’m going to find THIS TREE or ONE LIKE IT, because that is an amazing tree.  That is also an amazing pose; sort of half seated/half standing, regal yet ready for action on the trunk of the tree. I very much like the finger splaying, dramatic cloak spreading and head position.  It’s a gloomy day, the backdrop of skeletal trees is pleasing, and she’s not smiling.  She’s looking suitably dark yet warm. 

4.7 out of 5 - When in Greenwich, spend the longitude of your time with the trees (*sigh* I tried)

P.S. In serious goth news, in Manchester they’re treating violence against people of alternative subcultures (goths, emos, metallers etc.) as hate crimes, aided by the work of the Sophie Lancaster Foundation.  I have experienced occasional negative attention for being a goth such as verbal abuse, discrimination, and drunken fools who think it’s funny to make fun of goths in dodgy food joints at 3am *tiny mournful violins*, but I’ve never experienced violence.  I was upset to learn that our Manchester alt friends do not feel safe in public to express themselves through the way they look and are being specifically targeted for looking alternative.  The change in Manchester Police’s policy sounds like a positive step and I hope it helps reduce abuse because no one should be abused for looking differently (or abused at all, for that matter).  GROUP HUG. </serious>

fluxmorz submitted these photos with the comment “Here is my sister and 3 friends at my friend’s wedding. [The first photo has] a hidden goth at the top.  [The second photo is of] my sister with a boyfriend growing from her head. He’s not aware he is a growth. There were platform shoes that don’t have heels (kinda like hooves, really) but in order to capture the disgusting head-growth, they got left out.”

YES. Goth wedding photos up trees!  These have it all: spectacular posing particularly from the bride, gorgeous goth wedding attire, excessive tree height by the “disgusting head-growth” *ahem*, minimal smiling (the bridesmaid is smiling in the first photo but she’s made up for it in the second).  Above all, I appreciate that they have risked ruining their wedding clothes to climb up and have these photos taken on their day of days!  It’s a pity it’s daylight but I suppose night wedding shots might be a bit much to ask.

4.9 out of 5 - I now pronounce you goth and tree.