Ian submitted this photo with no comment.
These boys have both reached commendable tree heights in this picture but I don’t think they’re overly goth; perhaps more goth-compatible.  I don’t know what it is about the top guy but his pose, his hair situation, or something reminds me of the most charming animal in the world, a sloth.  Sloths must be mostly goth because they share 3 letters between them and they sit around in trees a lot.  Yes, I’m struggling a bit here.
They’re not smiling and they’re both at an excellent height up the tree. Points for effort with the face paint and poses. It’s daylight and they’re out in the sun so points deducted there.
3 out of 5 - I FOUND SOME GOTH SLOTHS - here and here and this fine animated gif here

Ian submitted this photo with no comment.

These boys have both reached commendable tree heights in this picture but I don’t think they’re overly goth; perhaps more goth-compatible.  I don’t know what it is about the top guy but his pose, his hair situation, or something reminds me of the most charming animal in the world, a sloth.  Sloths must be mostly goth because they share 3 letters between them and they sit around in trees a lot.  Yes, I’m struggling a bit here.

They’re not smiling and they’re both at an excellent height up the tree. Points for effort with the face paint and poses. It’s daylight and they’re out in the sun so points deducted there.

3 out of 5 - I FOUND SOME GOTH SLOTHS - here and here and this fine animated gif here

thisismyplague  submitted this photo with the comment:


MichMich ToxikKandi.  ”I have split. Physically, still here, but mentally, have left Hot Topic and now there’s so much space.”


I’m not going to lie, I’m struggling with the ugg style boots.  I don’t care if your uggs are black, have buckles, embroidered bats and “I’M A MASSIVE GOTH” inscribed on them in blood, they’re still ugg boots and, therefore, should be restricted to in-house wear only!
Now I have that out of my system, I do like the stripy socks, the exceptionally pretty tree, the fine tree height and lack of smiling displayed here. It’s daylight but they’re in the shade.  
3 out of 5 - I have to score this person low on goth points because goths do not wear uggs in public unless there is some kind of emergency that does not leave time for appropriate dressing (or there is a midnight chocolate emergency and their partner convinced them that no one would see them in the shop *cough*).

thisismyplague  submitted this photo with the comment:

MichMich ToxikKandi.  ”I have split. Physically, still here, but mentally, have left Hot Topic and now there’s so much space.”

I’m not going to lie, I’m struggling with the ugg style boots.  I don’t care if your uggs are black, have buckles, embroidered bats and “I’M A MASSIVE GOTH” inscribed on them in blood, they’re still ugg boots and, therefore, should be restricted to in-house wear only!

Now I have that out of my system, I do like the stripy socks, the exceptionally pretty tree, the fine tree height and lack of smiling displayed here. It’s daylight but they’re in the shade. 

3 out of 5 - I have to score this person low on goth points because goths do not wear uggs in public unless there is some kind of emergency that does not leave time for appropriate dressing (or there is a midnight chocolate emergency and their partner convinced them that no one would see them in the shop *cough*).

mudbloodkitten submitted this photo with the comment “This picture was taken of me by the guy I am dating (who is also goth). Sorry the picture does not show much of the tree. He very much likes to take pictures of me, despite me asking for a picture to submit to goths up trees. This was the best he would take. Sorry if it’s not very nice.”
What we have here is a very apologetic goth; apologising for the tree, apologising for lack of perceived niceness.  She also sounds a tiny bit bitter about her boyfriend’s inability to take a good Goths up Trees photo.  If I were her, I’d dump that boyfriend and find one who can take a photo that shows more tree because I think that indicates a lack of ability to see the bigger picture, you know?  Yeah, you know.
There are obvious flaws with this photo - she’s smiling, it’s daylight and we can’t see much of the tree to determine height. However, I feel sorry that she’s stuck in a dead-end relationship with a guy who can’t see the forest for the trees (HA!) and that she feels she has to apologise for everything.  Plus, she has an excellent amount of eyeliner on.
3 out of 5 - Assess potential partners on their ability to take photos of you up trees.

mudbloodkitten submitted this photo with the comment “This picture was taken of me by the guy I am dating (who is also goth). Sorry the picture does not show much of the tree. He very much likes to take pictures of me, despite me asking for a picture to submit to goths up trees. This was the best he would take. Sorry if it’s not very nice.”

What we have here is a very apologetic goth; apologising for the tree, apologising for lack of perceived niceness.  She also sounds a tiny bit bitter about her boyfriend’s inability to take a good Goths up Trees photo.  If I were her, I’d dump that boyfriend and find one who can take a photo that shows more tree because I think that indicates a lack of ability to see the bigger picture, you know?  Yeah, you know.

There are obvious flaws with this photo - she’s smiling, it’s daylight and we can’t see much of the tree to determine height. However, I feel sorry that she’s stuck in a dead-end relationship with a guy who can’t see the forest for the trees (HA!) and that she feels she has to apologise for everything.  Plus, she has an excellent amount of eyeliner on.

3 out of 5 - Assess potential partners on their ability to take photos of you up trees.

wtfrell submitted this photo with no comment.
This is one of those submissions where I can’t tell whether the goth is actually up the tree or not, but it has such a good photo that I end up giving them the benefit of the doubt and posting it anyway.  I’ll give them a low score for tree height.  Seems fair, right? RIGHT.
That said, I’m giving bonus points for tree symmetry and artistic moody flair.  What’s the photographer saying to us here?  ‘Goths are luminous entities spawned from nature who brighten an otherwise monotonous world’ or perhaps ‘I just worked out how to do colour exclusion in photoshop’ or maybe ‘my foot hurts’.  We will never know.  She’s not smiling.  It’s daylight and she’s low in the tree.  Bonus points for excellent hair and outfit.
3 out of 5 - Show me some trunk so I know that the goth is actually up the tree.

wtfrell submitted this photo with no comment.

This is one of those submissions where I can’t tell whether the goth is actually up the tree or not, but it has such a good photo that I end up giving them the benefit of the doubt and posting it anyway.  I’ll give them a low score for tree height.  Seems fair, right? RIGHT.

That said, I’m giving bonus points for tree symmetry and artistic moody flair.  What’s the photographer saying to us here?  ‘Goths are luminous entities spawned from nature who brighten an otherwise monotonous world’ or perhaps ‘I just worked out how to do colour exclusion in photoshop’ or maybe ‘my foot hurts’.  We will never know.  She’s not smiling.  It’s daylight and she’s low in the tree.  Bonus points for excellent hair and outfit.

3 out of 5 - Show me some trunk so I know that the goth is actually up the tree.

Mark Nelson submitted this photo with no comment.
I like the look of concentration on this goth’s face.  It’s as if he’s pulling some rAd sk8R trick on a stump.  I have no idea what is going on with his hair/head wear.  Is that a hat? Some sort of religious head wear?  Part of his brain showing through?  No idea.
He gets bonus points for balancing between two trees.  He’s a reasonable height up his stump/tree combo.  He’s not smiling but it’s daylight.  I can’t really get a good idea of how goth his outfit is but it looks nice and dark at least.
3 out of 5 - Balancing between trees is serious business.

Mark Nelson submitted this photo with no comment.

I like the look of concentration on this goth’s face.  It’s as if he’s pulling some rAd sk8R trick on a stump.  I have no idea what is going on with his hair/head wear.  Is that a hat? Some sort of religious head wear?  Part of his brain showing through?  No idea.

He gets bonus points for balancing between two trees.  He’s a reasonable height up his stump/tree combo.  He’s not smiling but it’s daylight.  I can’t really get a good idea of how goth his outfit is but it looks nice and dark at least.

3 out of 5 - Balancing between trees is serious business.

lovesambina submitted this photo with the comment “G. O. Tree. H.”
The submitter is deliberately tempting me with an acronym to decipher to distract me from the obvious fact that she’s just leaning on a tree and is not actually up it.  It is, however, a lovely picture and she reminds me of a gelfling from the Dark Crystal, so bonus points there.  I love me a blonde goth and I like her make-up but I am questioning her choice of jacket.  She’s not smiling but it’s definitely daylight.  
3 out of 5 - I’m too lazy to be tempted by your acronym.  OK here’s one: Get On Tree, Hellion.  Or, my new username: Grim Obsessed Tree Hater.

lovesambina submitted this photo with the comment “G. O. Tree. H.”

The submitter is deliberately tempting me with an acronym to decipher to distract me from the obvious fact that she’s just leaning on a tree and is not actually up it.  It is, however, a lovely picture and she reminds me of a gelfling from the Dark Crystal, so bonus points there.  I love me a blonde goth and I like her make-up but I am questioning her choice of jacket.  She’s not smiling but it’s definitely daylight. 

3 out of 5 - I’m too lazy to be tempted by your acronym.  OK here’s one: Get On Tree, Hellion.  Or, my new username: Grim Obsessed Tree Hater.

cressidaknapp submitted this photo with the comment “These photo’s were taken on the January full moon. We did the shoot before initiating each other into the coven ‘Cloud of Bats’. Then we went home and watched Rosemary’s baby and drank tinned Pina Colada’s.”
Straight up… now tell me do you really want to love me forever? oh oh oh…   Sorry, I had a small Paula Abdul moment including hair swishing but minus the tap dancing.  What I meant to say was, straight up, I think we can say that these aren’t goths.  I mean, they might be ✝ uber goffix ✝ at heart but their appearance says “totes hipster” to me.  I appreciate the effort they’ve gone to though and I’m glad they have observed the long standing tradition of drinking pina coladas from a can after a coven initiation.
They’re high up the tree, it’s night time, and they’re not smiling.  Bonus points for the full moon and sunglasses at night.  Points deducted for lack of obvious gothness.
3 out of 5 - After my coven initiation we drank cosmopolitans and watched Sex in the City.  Shitest coven ever.

cressidaknapp submitted this photo with the comment “These photo’s were taken on the January full moon. We did the shoot before initiating each other into the coven ‘Cloud of Bats’. Then we went home and watched Rosemary’s baby and drank tinned Pina Colada’s.”

Straight up… now tell me do you really want to love me forever? oh oh oh…   Sorry, I had a small Paula Abdul moment including hair swishing but minus the tap dancing.  What I meant to say was, straight up, I think we can say that these aren’t goths.  I mean, they might be ✝ uber goffix ✝ at heart but their appearance says “totes hipster” to me.  I appreciate the effort they’ve gone to though and I’m glad they have observed the long standing tradition of drinking pina coladas from a can after a coven initiation.

They’re high up the tree, it’s night time, and they’re not smiling.  Bonus points for the full moon and sunglasses at night.  Points deducted for lack of obvious gothness.

3 out of 5 - After my coven initiation we drank cosmopolitans and watched Sex in the City.  Shitest coven ever.

star-toast submitted this photo with the comment “It was a really nice beautiful day outside, even thought I spent most of it inside, I decided to take photo of me because I haven’t done it in a while. After looking at all the photo, this one was the best”
This goth has successfully evaded the pivotal question ‘how high is the goth up the tree?’ by showing mostly their noggin and hardly any tree in the photo. What am I to do with this? *sigh*  I’m not sure what his definition of a ‘beautiful day’ would be.  My definition of a beautiful day for gothing is a still, overcast day that is cool enough to wear an excellent jacket and big boots but not so cold that my nose goes red and draws unwanted attention to itself.  It looks like an overcast day but, you know, that could be because he has desaturated the colours.
He’s not smiling.  He has admirable eyebrows and is doing well with a monochromatic make-up palette.  I’m deducting points for tree height for obvious reasons.
3 out of 5 - I like a man with eye-liner and drawn on eyebrows but I’d like to see more of the tree he’s in.

star-toast submitted this photo with the comment “It was a really nice beautiful day outside, even thought I spent most of it inside, I decided to take photo of me because I haven’t done it in a while. After looking at all the photo, this one was the best”

This goth has successfully evaded the pivotal question ‘how high is the goth up the tree?’ by showing mostly their noggin and hardly any tree in the photo. What am I to do with this? *sigh*  I’m not sure what his definition of a ‘beautiful day’ would be.  My definition of a beautiful day for gothing is a still, overcast day that is cool enough to wear an excellent jacket and big boots but not so cold that my nose goes red and draws unwanted attention to itself.  It looks like an overcast day but, you know, that could be because he has desaturated the colours.

He’s not smiling.  He has admirable eyebrows and is doing well with a monochromatic make-up palette.  I’m deducting points for tree height for obvious reasons.

3 out of 5 - I like a man with eye-liner and drawn on eyebrows but I’d like to see more of the tree he’s in.

Davey Pebb submitted this photo with the comment “May not be traditional make-up, but he is certainly a goth and he is up a tree.”
How can we tell that this guy is certainly a goth? He does appear to have blood dripping out of his mouth but that doesn’t automatically indicate gothness. He looks a bit too tanned and too used to wearing jeans for my liking.  I’d say this guy looks like surfer who decided to climb a tree after a particularly painful trip to the dentist. 
Yes, he’s high up a tree and he’s not smiling.  Bonus points for blood trickle and vampiric tendencies.  Points deducted for jean shorts and sun exposure.
3 out of 5 - Yeah, I climb trees topless and shoeless after visiting the dentist. What of it?

Davey Pebb submitted this photo with the comment “May not be traditional make-up, but he is certainly a goth and he is up a tree.”

How can we tell that this guy is certainly a goth? He does appear to have blood dripping out of his mouth but that doesn’t automatically indicate gothness. He looks a bit too tanned and too used to wearing jeans for my liking.  I’d say this guy looks like surfer who decided to climb a tree after a particularly painful trip to the dentist. 

Yes, he’s high up a tree and he’s not smiling.  Bonus points for blood trickle and vampiric tendencies.  Points deducted for jean shorts and sun exposure.

3 out of 5 - Yeah, I climb trees topless and shoeless after visiting the dentist. What of it?

Countess Jenella submitted this photo with the comment “Perhaps smiling too much? Too much fun up the tree!!”
What do you mean “perhaps smiling too much”?  This level of up-tree mirth is BLOODY OUTRAGEOUS.  I don’t care how much fun you’re having up a tree, I would prefer that you keep a straight face and not communicate your enjoyment through facial expressions.  I mean, really!  What sort of a goth are you?
At least I can talk about the splendid tree in this photo because it’s one of the 10 trees I can identify; a magnolia.  According to this photo, the magnolia is a particularly enjoyable tree to climb.  The goth seems quite high up the tree.   It looks like she’s shinnied up that branch which is probably also quite amusing for her.  It’s daytime and she’s in very casual tree climbing gear.  Bonus points for the sun-safe hat and tattoos.
3 out of 5 - Beware of the hilarious magnolia tree.

Countess Jenella submitted this photo with the comment “Perhaps smiling too much? Too much fun up the tree!!”

What do you mean “perhaps smiling too much”?  This level of up-tree mirth is BLOODY OUTRAGEOUS.  I don’t care how much fun you’re having up a tree, I would prefer that you keep a straight face and not communicate your enjoyment through facial expressions.  I mean, really!  What sort of a goth are you?

At least I can talk about the splendid tree in this photo because it’s one of the 10 trees I can identify; a magnolia.  According to this photo, the magnolia is a particularly enjoyable tree to climb.  The goth seems quite high up the tree.   It looks like she’s shinnied up that branch which is probably also quite amusing for her.  It’s daytime and she’s in very casual tree climbing gear.  Bonus points for the sun-safe hat and tattoos.

3 out of 5 - Beware of the hilarious magnolia tree.

hannah-sea submitted this photo with no comment.
If there isn’t a blog called “Goths at the Base of Trees”, or GATBOT for short, there bloody well should be because I have a few photos I could pass on.  Until that happens, it is my duty to post them here but I have to give them a low tree height score.  It’s just the way it goes. MY HANDS ARE TIED.  Well, they’re not because I wouldn’t be able to type properly if they were.  So, MY FEET ARE TIED.
So, here we have a goth looking distraught at the base of a tree in a graveyard.  Was she distraught because it’s sunny and she forgot her sunscreen?  Did she bang her head on a branch trying to climb the tree? Was she just trying to hide her face for fear of ridicule because she didn’t bother to even attempt to climb?  We will never know.  She’d better not be smiling under that hair because that’s the only thing I can give her points for apart from the graveyard.
3 out of 5 - Goths at the Base of Trees, coming to a tumblr near you.
Also, today is the last day you can use the discount code gothsneedshirts for 20% off t-shirts at Goths Up Tees.  Buy one and get +10 goth points.

hannah-sea submitted this photo with no comment.

If there isn’t a blog called “Goths at the Base of Trees”, or GATBOT for short, there bloody well should be because I have a few photos I could pass on.  Until that happens, it is my duty to post them here but I have to give them a low tree height score.  It’s just the way it goes. MY HANDS ARE TIED.  Well, they’re not because I wouldn’t be able to type properly if they were.  So, MY FEET ARE TIED.

So, here we have a goth looking distraught at the base of a tree in a graveyard.  Was she distraught because it’s sunny and she forgot her sunscreen?  Did she bang her head on a branch trying to climb the tree? Was she just trying to hide her face for fear of ridicule because she didn’t bother to even attempt to climb?  We will never know.  She’d better not be smiling under that hair because that’s the only thing I can give her points for apart from the graveyard.

3 out of 5 - Goths at the Base of Trees, coming to a tumblr near you.


Also, today is the last day you can use the discount code gothsneedshirts for 20% off t-shirts at Goths Up Tees.  Buy one and get +10 goth points.

Goth Zilla submitted this photo with the comment “Here’s a goth pulling herself up a tree from hooks pierced in to her back.”
I have had this photo for a while but I’ve resisted posting it because this goth is not technically up the tree; she’s suspended from the tree, albeit in a most goth manner. There’s another photo here where you can see the hooks in her flesh (but not the tree).  So she is kind of up the tree in that it’s the tree that is supporting her weight, no?
She’s definitely a goth, and she looks like she’s grimacing rather than smiling. She’s technically not high up the tree and she’s in the least goth environment ever: the beach.  It is an interesting photo, though.
3 out of 5 - If your weight is supported by the tree and your feet are off the ground, could you say you were ‘up’ the tree?

Goth Zilla submitted this photo with the comment “Here’s a goth pulling herself up a tree from hooks pierced in to her back.”

I have had this photo for a while but I’ve resisted posting it because this goth is not technically up the tree; she’s suspended from the tree, albeit in a most goth manner. There’s another photo here where you can see the hooks in her flesh (but not the tree).  So she is kind of up the tree in that it’s the tree that is supporting her weight, no?

She’s definitely a goth, and she looks like she’s grimacing rather than smiling. She’s technically not high up the tree and she’s in the least goth environment ever: the beach.  It is an interesting photo, though.

3 out of 5 - If your weight is supported by the tree and your feet are off the ground, could you say you were ‘up’ the tree?

Jez submitted this photo with the comment “My old friend Marge back in 2000 doing what goths do best :-D”
Doing what goths do best?  Climbing trees via a ladder in platform boots and mid-riff tops?  I can tell you that I know a lot of goths (some people even think that I’m a goth but I am a unique and individual tosswomble and I refuse to be restricted by labels *ahem*) and I would not say that this kind of activity is generally what goths do best.  I’m struggling to say what they actually do best, as a subculture, except for appreciating dark aesthetics and things.  What are things?  Oh shut up, it’s the first day back at work from the long weekend and my brain just isn’t functioning.
This goth looks a bit too happy and has a bit too much skin showing for a sunny day such as this. At least she has impractical ladder-climbing footwear, although I did try and climb a tree in my platform New Rocks the other day and a ladder would have been appreciated.  She’s not high off the ground, it’s sunny, she’s smiling, I’m unhappy.
3 out of 5 - Why did the goth take a ladder to the bar?

Jez submitted this photo with the comment “My old friend Marge back in 2000 doing what goths do best :-D”

Doing what goths do best?  Climbing trees via a ladder in platform boots and mid-riff tops?  I can tell you that I know a lot of goths (some people even think that I’m a goth but I am a unique and individual tosswomble and I refuse to be restricted by labels *ahem*) and I would not say that this kind of activity is generally what goths do best.  I’m struggling to say what they actually do best, as a subculture, except for appreciating dark aesthetics and things.  What are things?  Oh shut up, it’s the first day back at work from the long weekend and my brain just isn’t functioning.

This goth looks a bit too happy and has a bit too much skin showing for a sunny day such as this. At least she has impractical ladder-climbing footwear, although I did try and climb a tree in my platform New Rocks the other day and a ladder would have been appreciated.  She’s not high off the ground, it’s sunny, she’s smiling, I’m unhappy.

3 out of 5 - Why did the goth take a ladder to the bar?

Glen Brauninger submitted this photo with the comment “I saw your website and thought I would do my part. But how do I get down?”
Interesting question, Glen. That’s something that you’re going to have to work out yourself. I hope that you’re not still waiting for an answer because you sent this photo in ages ago and you may have died of exposure in that time.  That’s not something I want on my conscience.  It’s bad enough that still have I have that time I stole a packet of chips from my best friend’s lunch box when I was 5 on my conscience. She’s still my best friend so she’s clearly forgiven me BUT I HAVEN’T FORGIVEN MYSELF. 
Anyway, this guy is totally smiling in a Guy Smiley-esque manner, which is something I disapprove of.  Everyone knows that if you’re going to imitate a muppet it had better be Animal or Statler and Waldorf (combined).  He looks to be quite high up the tree but the daylight and smiling negates this.
3 out of 5 - Goths up trees with your host Guy Smiley!! *applause*

Glen Brauninger submitted this photo with the comment “I saw your website and thought I would do my part. But how do I get down?”

Interesting question, Glen. That’s something that you’re going to have to work out yourself. I hope that you’re not still waiting for an answer because you sent this photo in ages ago and you may have died of exposure in that time.  That’s not something I want on my conscience.  It’s bad enough that still have I have that time I stole a packet of chips from my best friend’s lunch box when I was 5 on my conscience. She’s still my best friend so she’s clearly forgiven me BUT I HAVEN’T FORGIVEN MYSELF. 

Anyway, this guy is totally smiling in a Guy Smiley-esque manner, which is something I disapprove of.  Everyone knows that if you’re going to imitate a muppet it had better be Animal or Statler and Waldorf (combined).  He looks to be quite high up the tree but the daylight and smiling negates this.

3 out of 5 - Goths up trees with your host Guy Smiley!! *applause*

renee from RI submitted this photo with the comment “After growing up in FL, I was like a Goth pig in $#&t when I moved to Salem, MA in the mid 90s. Here’s a ubiquitous cemetery shot soon after. I would’ve gone further up the tree, but it was a borrowed cape and sometimes one doesn’t want to sully one’s velvet… ;)”
This person doesn’t look very ‘up’ a tree from what we can see in this photo, but I’m posting it anyway because it definitely involves a goth, a tree and a cemetery and, for all I know, this goth could be sitting on the stump of a low branch (which could explain the ever so slightly alarmed look on her face).  Even so, it’s a very low score for height. She’s definitely got the whole ‘no definition between hair and velvet cloak’ look which lends a somewhat religious feel to the outfit.  She’s certainly not smiling but it’s daylight.  Bonus points for the cemetery and the resistance to velvet sullying.
3 out of 5 - Get thee to the gothic nunnery and get UP a tree.

renee from RI submitted this photo with the comment “After growing up in FL, I was like a Goth pig in $#&t when I moved to Salem, MA in the mid 90s. Here’s a ubiquitous cemetery shot soon after. I would’ve gone further up the tree, but it was a borrowed cape and sometimes one doesn’t want to sully one’s velvet… ;)”

This person doesn’t look very ‘up’ a tree from what we can see in this photo, but I’m posting it anyway because it definitely involves a goth, a tree and a cemetery and, for all I know, this goth could be sitting on the stump of a low branch (which could explain the ever so slightly alarmed look on her face).  Even so, it’s a very low score for height. She’s definitely got the whole ‘no definition between hair and velvet cloak’ look which lends a somewhat religious feel to the outfit.  She’s certainly not smiling but it’s daylight.  Bonus points for the cemetery and the resistance to velvet sullying.

3 out of 5 - Get thee to the gothic nunnery and get UP a tree.