MissZed submitted this photo with the comment “my take on ‘steamgoth’ not sure if it qualifies for your site but wanted to share as I love the pics on here”

I take all sub-genres of goth here, friend, so your picture qualifies for posting.  Steampunk may not be my favourite goth offshoot (goffshoot - HAH) but I like this lady’s interpretation due to the minimal obvious brown clothing, random cogs or brass octopi.   She’s a medium height in the tree and is using a box for maximum boot display, which I approve of.  She’s out in daylight but she’s in the shade.  Bonus points for cute boots, stockings and corset.  Points deducted for flagrant smiling and what looks like joyous waving (although could be twig obstruction prevention).

4 out of 5 - Being steamy does not exclude you from the smiling rule.

Jackie submitted this photo with the comment “Two of my very good friends in a tree at our local cemetery in Humboldt county, forgive the smiles, thc tends to do that to you..”

If the gothic subculture is your subculture of choice, friend, then I would consider trying alternative ways of achieving an altered state of consciousness that do not cause you to do something unfortunate like smile. THC is clearly not helping your uberness.

Bonus points for the cemetery location. I like the resourcefulness shown by perching on the trunk at a medium height rather than the branches of the tree. I can’t fully see what’s going on with the outfit but it looks warm and practical. Not sure what the supporting cast member is doing lurking in the corner but he/she/it is adding some eeriness to the shot.

4 out of 5 - You need to consider your gothness in all states of consciousness.

Daintynymph submitted this photo with the comment “I saw a climbable tree while on a nature walk with my mom, so I had to at least attempt a “goth in a tree” picture. Perhaps it’s a bit too casual to qualify, but I feel that the lack of color and sunglasses on a cloudy day count for something. I also got chigger bites all over my legs for daring to leave the path in pursuit of a tree picture, so there’s some misery and woe for you.”

At this point, friend, I’ll take what goths I can get as I’m running low on goths in my inbox (hipsters, however, I have heaps of those - then again, who doesn’t?)  I have created an in-depth guide for non-goths who want me to post photos of them up trees on this blog: 1) take off your regular clothes,  2) put on goth clothes, 3) climb a tree.

This goth has admitted she’s in goth-casual clothes but her heartfelt tale of misery and woe really struck a chord with me as I too am afflicted by bites on my leg from an evil beast (well, a mosquito).  She’s a decent height up the tree, she’s looking relaxed despite the chigger infestation, it’s a cloudy day and she’s not smiling.

4 out of 5 - I just looked up chiggers.  Terrifying.

Lisa Mattina submitted this photo with the comment “Chris loves his Viewfinder.”

Who doesn’t love their View-Master? I didn’t have one as a child but I’m pretty sure you put in a slide reel to make them work.  Unless, of course, you want to see nothing but the images your beautiful imagination creates, in which case you don’t need a reel *ahem*. 

This is another cow-hating goth guy who adorns himself in the skin of dead cows (or he could be wearing the skin of the rare and endangered polyester beast, it’s hard to tell from this angle).  He looks to be a good height up the tree and he’s not smiling as he’s clearly concentrating on viewing Things™ through his View-Master.  It’s daylight but it’s overcast.

4 out of 5 - It could be that he is using his View-Master as an x-ray vision device and he’s spying on the local birds (HA).

Michelle Riot submitted this photo with the comment “This is Daisy Alice in a woodland setting - enjoy!”

Thank you, Michelle, I am enjoying it.  What a cute little goff girl in a tree.  She looks like someone just asked her a stupid question, like “would you like another cup of tea?”  She’s in the shade, she doesn’t look high in the tree at all but she’s not smiling.  I would have liked a bigger version of the photo and to see what shoes she is wearing but I foresee some vodka on my horizon and all motivation to write the usual bollocks has vanished.

4 out of 5 - Don’t ask goths whether they’d like some tea, just give it to them.

machiavellianbach submitted this photo with no comment.

I’m not sure whether this is an interpretation of everyone’s favourite video game villain, GLaDOS, or merely an Aperture scientist from the same game (Portal, fools) but it doesn’t really matter because this is an excellent Halloween costume.  I’m happy to see they’re struggling with the ladder in those big boots but I don’t feel badly because, as those of us who have played Portal will know, GLaDOS delights in seeing others suffer and it’s time to get our own back (even if it is just struggling on a ladder in big boots, which isn’t really anything compared to being bombarded with neurotoxins).

Some might say ‘wait, that’s no goth’. I put it to you that this is a goth in a Halloween costume.  She’s not smiling, she’s a decent height on a ladder made from a tree on her way up a tree.  It’s day time but she’s well covered up. 

4 out of 5 - If I go to one more birthday celebration and someone says “the cake is a lie!” when the cake comes out, I’ll punch myself in the appendix. 

Arboreal anima submitted this photo with the comment “A recent camping trip.”

This goth has found himself a magnificent throne in a dead tree.  For a second there I thought that perhaps this was some kind of camping toilet situation but this is not the case (disappointing, but it’s probably for the best). 

He’s doing his best impression of The Thinker and I hope he’s having a good hard think about why he decided to wear tan coloured hiking boots when we all know that you can get black hiking boots these days.  He’s not smiling. He’s technically ‘up’ the tree as his weight is being supported by it.  He’s low in the tree and it’s daylight so points deducted there.

4 out of 5 - a dead tree throne would make a majestic outdoor loo.

The Divine Ms. M submitted this photo with the comment “Some quick snaps before heading back to the lair while playing beat the sun lol”

I can’t say this lady looks comfortable here. She’s opted for the one leg up/one leg on the ground approach to in-tree sitting, which is a bit awkward at the best of times, and the branch she’s chosen looks wet (from a sprinkler?) so I imagine it’s quite slippery as well.   I applaud her flexibility and determination.  She’s not smiling, the sun is going down but she’s quite low in the tree.  Bonus points for cute shoes and the old trusty rosary beads as a necklace.

4 out of 5 - Why didn’t she sit on the dry bit of branch?  We will never know.

missmanners62 submitted this image with the comment “this made me think of you, for some reason.”

You thought of me, dear friend, because you knew I would appreciate a fine gothy picture of a skeleton up a tree. I believe this is an image from a 1879 edition of the gorgeous German art magazine Jugend.  Looks like this skeleton has dropped his/her/it’s floral wreath from their perch and a small child is picking it up for him/her/it.  How lovely.  The crow-like birds add extra eeriness. I’m sure there is a fairy tale that goes along with this that I don’t know of, but let’s appreciate it for what it is: a very old school goth up a tree.  Not smiling, high up the tree and quite possibly at night.

4 out of 5 - That reminds me, I hope you’re all taking photos of yourselves in your goth Christmas (aka Halloween) costumes up trees.  I expect to receive an influx of excellent goths up trees in my inbox shortly.

Blood Puppet submitted this photo with the comment:  “This is an entire goth band in a tree circa 1993. Sure, the keyboardist is smiling but the bassist is in considerable pain taking almost her entire body weight on her sensitive stomach across the arching trunk.”

The best thing about this photo is the curly haired guy up the tree because I KNOW HIM.  In fact, I used to co-manage a goth club with him back in the early 2000s and here’s the tragic proof from 2003 (don’t bother asking what I’m wearing - I’d come straight from work for the photo).  This band is called Blood Puppet and I can attest to their gothness because I have been lectured about it for years in the “oh you should have been around in the good old days” kind of way. I don’t know the submitter, though, so I doubt she knows that I know the curly up-tree.

I’m pretty upset with my mate up the tree because I have never seen him smile like that.  Ever.  At least the rest of them aren’t smiling.  It’s daylight and there’s at least two up the tree at a reasonable height.

4 out of 5 - Cronyism is alive and well in Goths Up Trees land.

aglobaglo submitted this photo with the comment “I only found out about this site on the day this photo was taken. Me and a couple of friends were doing a photoshoot, and my friend yells “Goth in a tree! Goth in a tree!”. Next thing I know, I’m attempting to climb the nearest flora, while trying to keep a straight face.”

Our goth here is has made a valiant effort to keep a straight face. She’s nearly achieved it but not quite. It’s possible that she has one of those naturally smiley faces that we goths dread. Lucky for me, my face naturally falls in a frown/sneer at rest.  This is A Good Thing™ as it generally keeps strangers away from me.  Small children and older ladies don’t seem to be deterred by this, the cheeky buggers.

This goth is lucky that she has a cheer-squad that yells “goth in a tree” at her to encourage her in her tree climbing endeavours.  She isn’t high up the tree but climbing in a corset has got to be difficult.  I like her wig and shoes.  It’s daylight but it doesn’t seem overly sunny.

4 out of 5 - Train your face to naturally fall in a frowny face like this >:-( and reap the rewards!

skylinesand-turnstiles submitted this photo wtih the comment “Here’s a photo of my friend trying to climb a tree in a graveyard. Sadly with her black jeans being too tight she couldn’t get her leg up.”

Lack of full range of leg movement is the curse of the tight jean-wearer (and pencil skirt wearer).  To be honest, I don’t wear skinny jeans for this reason and because they are possibly the most unflattering pants in the history of the world for the majority of humanity (after culottes and those abhorrent drop-crotch pants).

This goth is clearly rocking her skinny jeans and good on her, I say.  I like her strategically placed skeleton-hands.  Her cardigan is a bit too colourful and rockabilly-inspired but perhaps she couldn’t find her black cardi in the dark (oh the woes of having a completely black wardrobe and getting dressed in the dark).  She’s obviously putting in a lot of effort to climb that tree.   She’s a lowish height, it’s daylight and she appears to be grimacing with effort.  Bonus points for the cemetery and for the action shot.  I hope she didn’t suffer from any unfortunate chaffing or pulled muscles from her tree-climbing effort.

4 out of 5 - Drop-crotch pants are wholly unattractive but surprisingly practical for tree climbing.

melwaseaten submitted this photo with the comment “I was outside and I spotted an opportunity to take a picture for this blog.”

See, friends, going outside isn’t so bad (apart from the obvious exposure to carcinogenic sunlight, obnoxious humans, and god damned wind always messing up your hair). If you do go outside, you may find yourself a nice tree with a very convenient ladder to pose on like this young goff lady here.

I’m in two minds about this ladder business.  Technically, she’s up a ladder that is resting on a tree to facilitate climbing.  Can I say she’s ‘up’ the tree?  Sort of. I’ll deduct some height points.  Our goth isn’t smiling but she’s out in daylight.  Bonus points for boots and Beetlejuice-style pants.

4 out of 5 - I want Beetlejuice to pop out and kick the tree over!

goldstarhomo submitted this photo with the comment “This is a nice kid I recently started chatting with who lives in New Jersey.  I don’t have much back story on the photo but it looks like they were having quite a bit of fun!”

This goth is having so much fun that he’s about to lose his shirt.  That only happens to me in very special circumstances involving quite a bit of vodka, warm weather, a beach, a full moon, a bunch of tipsy goth lady friends yelling “FLASH AT THE MOON” at me.  Yeah.

Using my method for classifying goths hanging from trees, he’s pulled himself quite high off the ground and is hanging from his legs and one arm, which is great.  His hanging position and loss of shirt make the photo quite good for photoshopping purposes but I would have liked to see the whole goth in the shot, not just a cropped portion.  He’s smiling and he’s carelessly displaying his skin in full sun, so sunburn is inevitable.  Tut tut.

4 out of 5 - Points deducted for blatant skin exposure

Robert Bahr submitted this photo with the comment “Out on a limb”.

There’s an awful lot of smiling going on in this picture and frankly it disturbs me.  What are they so happy about? Why bother blurring the top and bottom corners of a photo like that? Why does it annoy me so much? Why is it after 5pm on a Friday and my tummy is void of alcohol? Things need to change around here!

These two look like a charming couple, despite the blatant smiling.  He’s a decent height up the tree and she is being a very supportive supporting cast member (I think she’s just leaning on the tree and not up it). She’s particularly supportive of his shoe. They’re out in the sun which is disappointing as they’re both quite pale.  My guess is that he is the photographer and she’s the model which is why she’s gothed up more than he is.  Still, he could have made more of an effort.

4 out of 5 - Oh, wait, as if by miracle some alcohol has appeared.  The blurred edges no longer a problem.