Hannah submitted this photo with the comment “It was a sad day for us, but we tried to be happy. Hannah is a great sport.”

The question is: does Hannah normally refer to herself in the third person or did the submitter accidentally put Hannah’s name in the ‘Name’ field when they should have put theirs?  I’m going to go with the third person option because Verity*, who has to get her jollies where she can, thinks that’s much more amusing. 

Hannah is high up the tree and she’s not smiling.  The cunning use of black and white detracts from the daylight, but I’m not fooled.  I like the industrial cladding on the building behind but I don’t know why. It’s probably a side effect of watching too much Grand Designs recently. 

4.2 out of 5 - I’m deducting points because they admitted that they were trying to be happy despite being perfectly sad at the time.

* Yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out…. although technically you can’t wear names out.. unless of course you cut the letters out of fabric and sewed them together into an outfit… which would be attractive. On second thoughts, please wear it out.

twinsfactory submitted this photo with the comment “Hi! It´s me a few years ago! I hope you like it! twinsFactory

Oil Spleen submitted this photo and one other with the comment “My nieces Matilda and Amelie came to see my band Pink Narcissus at Meadowlands Festival and after the gig we climbed this tree. I thought we all look particularly moody in this picture.”

It’s good to see a goth educating his younger relatives about the age old up-tree tradition.  It’s one of the important aspect of ‘turning’ younger relatives to the dark side when their brains are pliable in the hope that they take up the panne velvet mantle of gothness in your family. 

The first photo is the one I’m going to score, even if the linked one is clearer.  There’s no smiling in the goth or the goths-in-training.  They’re high up the tree.  It’s daylight but they’re in the shade. There seems to be a goth-child apparition on the right for added spookiness.

4.3 out of 5 - Bonus points for educating the youngins in the ways of music festivals and gothness.

Suzanne submitted this photo and 8 others with the comment

ok so we were hanging out in our city and one of my friends jumps up in a tree and my sister says that i should take a picture and send it to goths up trees. my friends didnt know it so we told them. when they heard that there was extra points for being in a cemetery we immediately went to one and took some more pictures. i couldnt decide what one was the best so i just sent them all to you and figured you would choose wisely :3

I’m glad these goths sought out a cemetery because I haven’t had many cemetery submissions lately and it has made me vaguely uncomfortable (either that or I’ve eaten some gluten recently).  However, their cemetery photo was too bloody blurry for me to use.  *sigh*

In this photo, we have two goth kids up a tree and one non-goth supporting cast member.  The up-trees are quite high up and are executing the patented goth-kid-crouch with finesse.  They’re not smiling but it’s day time.

4.3 out of 5 - Pity about the blurriness of the cemetery picture. It could have been so beautiful.

crapontheradio submitted this photo with the comment “This is my friend Debs in a tree (it’s a small tree I’ll admit) circa 1997. If you’re ever planning on starting a blog called goths posing seductively on cars, I may have one of myself for you.”

Nice work to all concerned.  Yes, she’s in a small tree but she’s looking at us with such scorn that I have no desire to question her tree-height choice.  I am, however, happy to question her footwear and shawl colour choices from a safe distance.  I appreciate her 90s gothness a lot.  My 90s gothness wasn’t half as uber so she gets bonus points for uberness (and yes, I’m wearing panne velvet, a fake nose ring and dip dyed hair, but I was 16… so shut your face!)

4.3 out of 5 - I’m now accepting submissions for my new blog: Goths Posing Seductively on Cars.

Alrun submitted this photo with the comment “I was probably thinking “The view is magical but maybe I should get down some day… I’m not a squirrel.” (too bad, I would love to be one!)”

I also wanted to be a squirrel until I read the wikipedia page and found out that most urban squirrels die in auto-mobile accidents and most rural squirrels die because of lack of food. So, yeah, I’m not that keen on being a squirrel any more.  I think you have more of a chance at a longer, more fulfilling life if you remain a goth because the likelihood of dying from starvation or from crossing the road is slightly diminished (although wearing black from head to toe and crossing the road at night time isn’t the best for avoiding car accidents). 

I can’t really tell how high this goth is up the tree but I am guessing a medium height. She’s not smiling and she says she’s appreciating the view but I think she’s probably thinking about where she can hire a squirrel costume from.  It’s daylight but she’s in the shade.  I like her lacey top and I’m insanely jealous of her hair length and colour.

4.3 out of 5 - All this talk of squirrelly death has made me thirsty. 

Jake Roberts submitted this photo with no comment.

You can see that this goth (with scene-kid influences?) is fearless when it comes to up-tree posing.  He looks confident, sturdy, determined and definitely not thinking: ‘OMG, can this branch take my weight? Someone save my pirate boots!’  That’s sort of what I would be thinking if I were him, except for the pirate boot bit because my brain refuses to accept pirate boots as a footwear option for me.

Our friend here looks quite high up the tree and on a precarious looking branch.  He’s not smiling and it’s a gloomy day.  I have issues with the colourful t-shirt but at least it’s partially covered by a jacket. I’d recommend a black t-shirt with white text, such as one of mine, for the future.  Good job.

4.3 out of 5 - I’m afraid I will never understand pirate boots. 

Kathleen submitted this photo with the comment “They used to call me the Cheerful Goth then I killed them with my shoes. Photo by Lara Evensen.”

This goth looks quite cheerful so I imagine that many people would be on the receiving end of shoe based violence.  To be honest, I get more upset when people mistaken a grimace for a smile and I would never harm anyone with a shoe (because there’s no way in hell I’m going to risk damaging my precious shoes).  This goth clearly doesn’t care about shoe damage.  If she did she would stop cheerfully displaying her legs up trees.

She appears to be quite high up the tree and she’s not smiling but there’s cheerful laughter in her eyes.  It’s daylight and she has a hat on that provides no sun protection at all, unfortunately.  She’s showing a lot of skin so I sincerely hope she has thoroughly doused herself in sunscreen.  Bonus points for piercings, spikes, creative eye makeup and the comfy looking mossy tree.

4.3 out of 5 - I suspect she intentionally lures people into calling her ‘cheerful’ so she has a reason to buy new shoes. 

dustndivinity submitted this photo with the comment “From about six years ago. Our house was all theater people, no less.”

Typical of bloody theatre people, isn’t it?  Sitting up trees looking wistful, standing in front of cameras looking menacing. I don’t know.  No, honestly, I don’t know. The only time I come into contact with ‘theatre people’ is at parties and there’s usually a lot of alcohol induced dramatic flouncing, gesticulating and, occasionally, yelling. But that happens with non-theatre people too so I have no idea what I’m talking about. Um. Look at the picture!’

I’m finding it difficult to analyse the up-tree because I’m distracted by the unnerving way the supporting cast member is staring at me, but I’m going to push on.  The goth is high up the tree, mostly in the shade, and she’s not smiling.  She has removed her shoes and I hope that she has them at the ready to throw and the other guy’s head while yelling “Sheridan, stop photo-bombing my photos.  I’m trying to portray a lonely, disillusioned goth and you’re RUINING IT!”

4.3 out of 5 - Don’t let the supporting cast take up the majority of the photo with their head.

Sandra submitted this photo with the comment “Earlier that day I had been disappointed by a robot exhibition, and decided to make up for it by climbing a tree.”

You can recover from most disappointments by climbing trees, I’ve found.  When I say ‘most’ I mean things like: crappy robot exhibitions, lack of salted dark chocolate at the market, learning that they’ve sold out of the only Lip Service item in their recent collections that you actually wanted, the Dark Shadows movie. Things that cannot be recovered from by climbing trees: that bastard buying those New Rocks you’ve been saving up for (and they knew you wanted them, damnit), running out of vodka when the bottleshops are closed, haemorrhoids.

Here we have an eldergoth looking quite relaxed and thoroughly spiky with her scornful look and her accessories.  It’s a sunny day, sadly, but she looks quite high up the tree. 

4.3 out of 5 - Have reasonable expectations about what climbing trees can do for life’s disappointments.

katsaw submitted this photo with the comment “Waiting for a friend to come out of class.”

Is there a better way to kill time than taking photos of yourself up a tree? It’s definitely more interesting than taking a photo of your reflection in the bathroom mirror. I think we should all encourage the youth of today to find themselves a nice tree to commune with and hopefully we get to see less dirty towels and shaving products on facebook.

It looks like a warm day and the goth is in the shade.  I can’t get a good idea of what she’s wearing but there seems to be a fishnet leggings and a suitable amount of black.  She’s not smiling and she’s a reasonable height up the tree.

4.3 out of 5 - Kill time up trees not in bathrooms

heart-grinder submitted this photo with no comment.

Here’s a lovely goth up a tree.  She has a touch of Summer-time lolita about her, which is refreshing, and you know I love a blonde goths (if you don’t know, you should).  She has done very well with the pose, boots and outfit.  She’s not terribly high up the tree and it’s daytime.  There’s no smiling but she’s giving a knowing look like she somehow found out about your penchant for merkins.

4.3 out of 5 - Stop flaunting your Summery gothness at me when I’m enduring the coldest Winter in ages.

ghostmodernism submitted this photo with the comment “My friend Mark, standing on a precarious low-hanging branch while we discuss the staging of a gothic rock opera he is composing.”

Ah, yes, the best discussions about gothic rock operas happen up trees. If I were this goth, I’d probably go for a higher branch for more clarity and greater perspective.  He seems to have hold of some a rare tree joystick which makes me think that he not only composes gothic rock operas but also controls trees.  Perhaps that can be the story for his rock opera: a romantic tale of two rival groups of goths who use trees as their transport (Merry/Treebeard style) and control them with joysticks who are united by their fight against deforestation.  I’d pay good money to see that. Maybe.

They’ve admitted that this goth isn’t high up the tree and I appreciate their honestly.  He’s not smiling and he looks deep in thought. It’s daylight but he’s in considerable shade.  I like his jacket and joystick.

4.3 out of 5 - You’d go and see a romantic gothic opera about two rival groups of goths who travel around in trees fighting deforestation, wouldn’t you?

Sam submitted this photo with no comment.

This goth looks very disappointed with us.  It’s like she has climbed further up the tree to tell us off about something, but what? Suggesting that the bondage straps, chains and laces on her outfit might get tangled resulting in a terrible goth-falling-out-of-their-tree accident? Asking whether she intentionally placed her thumb there in that slightly suspect position? We will never know.

She’s quite high up the tree, she’s definitely not smiling at us, god forbid. It’s day time but she’s in the shade.  I feel like she can see into my soul and is judging me about the way I threw a plastic plate in the regular bin because I was too lazy to walk 10 metres to put it into the recycling bin. FOR SHAME!

4.3 out of 5 - Being disappointed up trees is better than being smiley

ephebiphobia submitted this photo with the comment “Razor Candi (also spelled Razorcandi) looking as lovely as always in a tree when she was in high school. Picture originally found on her livejournal, but she has since taken all personal pictures down.”

Ah yes, a rare, coveted action shot of a goth ascending a tree.  I’m concerned that she was “not sure” what she was doing.  It’s very clear to us all what she was doing; following her natural up-tree instincts while displaying her excellent boots to their best advantage.  She’s not smiling but it’s daylight, although she’s well covered in case of accidental sun exposure. She’s not high up the tree but you can see that she was on her way up.  Bonus points for the action shot and excellent boots.

4.3 out of 5 - Follow your up-tree instincts, even if you don’t understand them.