nr1002685 submitted this photo with the comment “Up to you if this is goth enough, but here’s a photo of me crawling across a city centre park tree in Riga in a somewhat intoxicated state!”

This is a goth after my own heart; she’s drunk in a park in the city in the middle of the day and crawling along trees.  She’s provided one of the only excuses for smiling that I’ll accept: intoxication.  She’s a low/medium height up the tree and it’s daylight but I appreciate the crawling-goth action shot.   I like the practical summery outfit.  I am a bit concerned that she seems to doubt her goth cred.  You are goth enough, friend!

4.5 out of 5 - Look at yourself in the mirror every day and repeat:  “I AM GOTH ENOUGH” and then scowl for 30 seconds.

Jonathan Hepburn submitted this photo with the comment “We had a ball to go to. So we decided to take photos beforehand, or we wouldn’t get any decent ones. So there was a tree in the park that had just fallen over …”

Oh, Jonathan. This is a glorious thing of gothic/Scotch up-tree beauty!  Through the glare we can see he’s looking imposing in his finery.  I particularly like the goth version of the jacket and the ghillie brogues.  I find all that up-leg lacing very fetching.  There are all the obvious questions about what a Scotsman wears under his kilt and, being of Scottish decent, I can tell you that this man IS COMPLETELY NUDE.  Actually, I have no idea.  It’s a bit weird speculating whether a man in that particular pose is wearing undies or not. So, let’s put that thought out of our minds and concentrate on all that flouncy lace, up-leg lacing and general splendour.

He’s a low/medium height up the tree.  He’s definitely not smiling but there’s no doubt that it’s a sunny day.  Bonus points for being alive.

4.5 out of 5 - I’m sure he has the blackest undies he could find on.

rowanjaardvark submitted this photo with the caption “Circa 2005 from a Goth Meetup in the botanic gardens.”

At least we have a reason for the smiles of these 6 goths up a tree as clearly they are flouting the rules of the local botanic gardens.  This could be the last known photo of a now extinct tree due to the goth infestation of 2005!

My favourite goth is, obviously, the guy who looks like he’s going in to bite the neck, wampire style, of the bespectacled goth.  I’m also very fond of the less goth person in the top right who is mostly obscured by a branch. I’m sure the conversation went something like “you can’t be in the photo in jeans like THOSE, Terry, they’re not even Lip Service. What were you thinking?”  It looks like Terry is sticking his/her middle finger up in defiance.  Good on you, Terry. There’s a lot of smiling and it’s a blurry photo but they’re a decent height in the tree and in the shade.

4.5 out of 5 - Bonus points for the volume of goths and for poor old Terry.

LC submitted this photo with the comment

Behold Lascivia~! (not her birth name).  This was taken in late May, along the banks of the St. Laurent river.  Despite her awesome purple faery dress, she scrambled up a tree overhanging the path and lounged for a while. It is not yet night, given that late spring twilight lasts a long time, but she isn’t smiling.

Lampshade submitted this photo with the comment “We were both up the tree at the time. A twig got caught in her eyelid. (The tree was fine…)”

I’m so glad the tree wasn’t harmed in the making of this image. Sometimes I wonder about the trees that we’re violating by climbing/encouraging other goths to climb in our big boots, spiky accessories and flowing clothing.  Who will speak for the trees? </lorax> Who will speak for the twigs caught in the eyelids?  Goth hippies (goppies? hippoths?) that’s who!

This action shot is making me very happy (in a surly, frowny way, of course).  Both the goth and the photographer were up the tree so I’m guessing they are a decent height up.  She’s grimacing in pain, so bonus points there.  It’s daylight but looks rather gloomy.

4.5 out of 5 - Finally, an action shot!

toomuchbreakfast submitted this photo with the comment “I came in second place in KEXP’s “Goths in Trees” contest.  I couldn’t compete with a kitty shot!”

Don’t feel bad, friend. It has been proven time and time again that no human can compete with a cute animal.  This is a blog about goths up trees and the most popular photo I’ve ever posted is of my dog, Fifi.  I’ll admit that she’s an uber goth dog apart from the name *cough*she came with it*cough* and only likes people wearing black (true story) so it sort of works. Sort of.

I always love a cape, so I appreciate the way this goth has hers extended, super hero style.  She’s nicely gothed up for up-tree goth-super-hero fun times. She’s not smiling and she’s a decent height up the tree. It’s daylight but she’s in the shade.

4.5 out of 5 - Fifi disagrees with me, but I think goth superheroes up trees should rate higher than goth pugs up trees.

James Wright submitted this photo with the comment “I’d like to submit a snap of my mate Tish up a tree! Tish is pictured here up a tree in Dorset on a family caravaning holiday thus proving that she is an epic goth at all times. She is also fairly well known as the former bassist in alt.rock bands such as Honeykill and Stereo Juggernaut.”

Tish is indeed an epic goth for two reasons: 1) she goes on family caravanning holidays, and 2) she’s found time in her busy caravanning schedule to get up a tree for a photo and has managed to look casual despite the fact that she MUST have been hiding from her family.  Now, I’m not mocking the family caravanning holiday experience. I went on a great one around Europe where we saw ALL OF THE CASTLES.  I attribute the gothness of my siblings and I in part to that trip (not the bit where we were stuck in a campervan for hours on end but the visiting castles bit).  However, I was 8 at the time and this young lady is clearly older than 8. 

This goth is high up the tree and she’s not smiling. It’s a sunny day but she’s mostly in the shade.  She gets bonus points because she doesn’t look like she’s hiding or wants to murder someone.

4.5 out of 5 - Is she holding a stick? I take back that bit about not wanting to murder someone.

Marge submitted this photo with the comment “Here’s one from the Spring bank holiday net.goth picnic in 1997.. it was Thomas’ birthday, he’s the one in the white shirt on the right of the middle standing group, looking to his left. It’s Chris, Kieran and Charles in the tree on this occasion, and I’m sitting at the front, on your left. :)”

Another submission for the net.goth up-tree series! We haven’t had a group photo for a while so this makes me happy.  There’s quite a bit of smiling going on, but I imagine that’s because this group of netgoths only ventures out to see each other and this tree once a year and, lets face it, everyone needs to exercise their facial muscles now and then (and smiling looks far less ridiculous than facial yoga). 

The up-trees are looking intimidating. I’d like to think other people wanted to get up the tree but these three said ‘no’ in their best bouncer voices and tried to take up as much space as possible by stretching out.  It looks like a summery day but they’re mostly in the shade.  The supporting cast are interesting, as always. It’s Thomas’ birthday which is why he is excused from looking at the camera.  I think that guy second from the left is wearing a cape.  Bonus points for cape-wearers. Always.

4.5 out of 5 - I wonder if these net.goth dwellers still meet at this sacred tree?   I think we need a log (get it!) of coordinates of good trees to climb.

knochenblume submitted this photo with the comment “The guy in the picture is my love… and I need to say that although if we don’t live in the same city, is the best boyfriend I could have, I feel very lucky to have him in my life. Edu, I love you so much :)”

My first instinct when I read that blurb is to make exaggerated vomit noises at the screen and then roll my eyes.  It’s a very childish response but I can’t help it because it’s all so bloody sweet!  I know, I know; young love is a beautiful thing but I can not help my instinctual vomit-noise response. 

The goth is high up the tree, he’s not smiling and he is well dressed.  It’s a sunny day but his skin is mostly covered from the sun’s rays. He looks quite at ease and his head tilt is inquisitive but suggests understanding.  I don’t know what he understands but it’s probably something soppy that I need to avoid in case I’m forced to make stupid vomit noises again.

4.5 out of 5 - We all love you, Edu.

digitsink submitted this image with the comment “Gorey girl, up a tree! Spotted this on http://thisisnthappiness.com/”

Isn’t this lovely?  This is from the book Three Ladies Beside the Sea by Rhoda Devine, illustrated by our beloved macabre author and illustrator Edward Gorey. When I say ‘our beloved’ I mean beloved by goths because I don’t know one goth girl who hasn’t got a book written or illustrated by him. If you haven’t seen his work then check it out. 

I know it’s a drawing and not a photo but I think it’s relevant because it was drawn by Gorey and this maiden is obviously a goth high up a tree. There’s no smiling and she’s wearing a very sun-smart outfit and dangerously long beads.

4.5 out of 5 - Gothery up trees, as endorsed by Gorey.

npolo-art submitted this photo with the comment “Excellent mass of tangled wood. It’s like a wooden spiderweb. Am I spider yet? If so, bring me my boot. Lay it upon my head and remove me. There is no need for spiders, nor is there one for people who dress in such an inconsiderate manner in a public place. I should be ashamed of my blatant disrespect for the grievances of the general social clientele.”

Sorry, what? Who are these people who “dress in such an inconsiderate manner in a public place”?  I think if we completely disregard this person’s comment we will be happier, less confused people.  Although, I do agree that this tree looks like an excellent wooden spiderweb; in which case this goth is either the spider or the fly.  I think maybe he is the fly which would mean there should be some bigger, far more uberer (?!) goth just out of shot who is preparing to eat him with devilled eggs. Hmmm devilled eggs.

He’s not smiling and I think he’s relatively high up the tree. It’s daytime, of course, but bonus points for the extra goth spiderwebby tree.  He looks preprepared for anything with his backpack on.

4.5 out of 5 - Beware the uber goth spider who lurks just out of shot.

clockwork-king submitted this photo with the comment “I am Drake and I am a goth. Here is a picture of me in a tree. That is all. Goodbye.”

Interesting spiel, Drake (if that’s even your real name).  There’s something very fishy about your photo and your comment that leads me to believe that this is all a ruse. ‘Why do you care?’ I hear you say. I CARE. When people lie to me a little part of me dies (usually a hair just drops right out of my head) and eventually I will absorb so many lies that I will be dead (rather than just looking dead, because that’s normal) and then who will you submit all your photos of goths up trees to? *sigh*

So, we have another male goth displaying his crotch at us.  I’m glad that he has a long coat on because we can’t see any definition.  He looks high up the tree and he’s not smiling.  I’m glad he has his earphones around his neck because, you know, sometimes you neck really needs to hear music.  I like his vest and fob watch.  I want to believe he has a neck ruffle but I can’t be sure.  It’s daytime, unfortunately.

4.5 out of 5 - You’re killing me one hair at a time.

Elois submitted these photos with the comment “Hello! This photos from our project “Steampunk Alice from Wonderland” by 8MebiusCats. Here we have: Hatter, Red Queen and Cheshire mad Rabbit.”

Cheshire mad rabbit? Fair enough. I’m not going to argue with steampunk enthusiasts because I’ve argued with them enough in my imagination (which is great because it’s a pretty one sided argument where I inevitably end up shout things like “brown is ugly” and “stick a cog on this *displays middle finger*”). 

Enough about my imaginary arguments, let’s look at the photos at hand.  The red queen/hatter photo is predictably my favourite due to the lack of smiling and both characters being up the tree.  They look relatively high and, for steampunk enthusiasts, well dressed.  It’s daylight but I never see steampunk people out at night time so perhaps they all have to be in bed at a certain hour.

4.5 out of 5 - I’m going to be a Cheshire mad rabbit when I grow up.

Also, I’ve nearly sold out in a few sizes of the t-shirts so if you’re going to get one, get in quick because it will be a while before I can restock all the sizes.

Domini Dragoone submitted this photo with the comment “[this photo] makes me laugh because though it looks completely contrived, i sincerely just saw a climbing tree on a hike and needed to inspect it. quick! get me some ostentatious faerie wings before i fall to my black little death! tragic! wonderful!”

Yeah, yeah, I totally believe that you “just saw a climbing tree” and “needed to inspect it” and there just happened to be someone with a camera to take a photo of this inspection.  There’s no need to make excuses for completely contrived photos, in fact, I prefer them.  The more contrived-looking the better!  So stop faffing around and get some bloody huge, evil-looking faerie wings ASAP!

It’s daytime but she’s not smiling and she’s high up the tree.  I like the ‘my, what is that I spy up there’ pose.  Bonus points because she has hair like mine which clearly makes her extremely awesome. 

4.5 out of 5 - Be proud of your contrived up-tree photos.