Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “goth sloth.”
This photo had the makings of something truly beautiful but we’ve been let down, yet again, by the subject goth’s inability to control their facial muscles. I have a vast experience of hanging upside-down so I KNOW that you can stop yourself from smiling from this particular position.  Imitating a sloth is no excuse.
Despite the lack of control over the facial expression, the goth IS a medium height up the tree, they’re in a graveyard and it is definitely night time.  I’m impressed but it could have been so much more.
4.9 out of 5 -  Just remember that sloths only relieve themselves once a week.  If you’re trying to channel a sloth but in a goth fashion just think of how happy would you be if you only relieved yourself once a week and then represent that in a facial expression.

Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “goth sloth.”

This photo had the makings of something truly beautiful but we’ve been let down, yet again, by the subject goth’s inability to control their facial muscles. I have a vast experience of hanging upside-down so I KNOW that you can stop yourself from smiling from this particular position.  Imitating a sloth is no excuse.

Despite the lack of control over the facial expression, the goth IS a medium height up the tree, they’re in a graveyard and it is definitely night time.  I’m impressed but it could have been so much more.

4.9 out of 5 -  Just remember that sloths only relieve themselves once a week.  If you’re trying to channel a sloth but in a goth fashion just think of how happy would you be if you only relieved yourself once a week and then represent that in a facial expression.

Sarah submitted this photo with the comment “Spooky kids work out too.”
I know it may be a shock to some non-goths but many goths work out.  Yes, I know, you’ve probably never seen a goth on the squat rack at your local gym but we often choose different workout situations such as a few laps of the cemetery at dusk or, in my case, at a gym in a hospital conveniently placed next to the morgue. 
This goth has an appropriately dark and stripey workout outfit on so bonus points there. However, I know you can buy black gym shoes so I question her dedication to being a true Sportsgoth™.  At least her shoes aren’t white or fluro. She’s a good height up the tree and she looks relaxed after a hard gravestone hurdling session.  She’s not smiling and she’s in a graveyard at dusk.  
4.85 out of 5 - I’m feeling motivated for some Sportsgoth™ action at my gym/morgue right now.

Sarah submitted this photo with the comment “Spooky kids work out too.”

I know it may be a shock to some non-goths but many goths work out.  Yes, I know, you’ve probably never seen a goth on the squat rack at your local gym but we often choose different workout situations such as a few laps of the cemetery at dusk or, in my case, at a gym in a hospital conveniently placed next to the morgue. 

This goth has an appropriately dark and stripey workout outfit on so bonus points there. However, I know you can buy black gym shoes so I question her dedication to being a true Sportsgoth™.  At least her shoes aren’t white or fluro. She’s a good height up the tree and she looks relaxed after a hard gravestone hurdling session.  She’s not smiling and she’s in a graveyard at dusk.  

4.85 out of 5 - I’m feeling motivated for some Sportsgoth™ action at my gym/morgue right now.

Dorylini submitted this photo with the comment “it was raining, so we went to the graveyard, of course.”
My faith in the gothic subculture is being restored one goth up a tree (in a graveyard at night) at a time. This goth is showing particular dedication by enduring the elements to climb her tree (although apparently she chose the graveyard because it was raining, so is it dedication or a fondness for bark inflicted grazes?)   
Bonus points for the tree height, the lack of smile, the black velvet dress, the boots, and the mid-climb action shot.  The graveyard looks sufficiently eerie and this goth has made the up-tree experience look entirely natural.  
5 out of 5 - Why aren’t there any graveyards around my town with decent trees? WHY?

Dorylini submitted this photo with the comment “it was raining, so we went to the graveyard, of course.”

My faith in the gothic subculture is being restored one goth up a tree (in a graveyard at night) at a time. This goth is showing particular dedication by enduring the elements to climb her tree (although apparently she chose the graveyard because it was raining, so is it dedication or a fondness for bark inflicted grazes?)   

Bonus points for the tree height, the lack of smile, the black velvet dress, the boots, and the mid-climb action shot.  The graveyard looks sufficiently eerie and this goth has made the up-tree experience look entirely natural.  

5 out of 5 - Why aren’t there any graveyards around my town with decent trees? WHY?

Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “we went to a graveyard on a cold rainy evening, there’s no effect on the picture, the light was just weird colors. also possible ghost involvement.”
I find it difficult to be impressed these days due to the world being a constant source of disappointment to me, but this photo has genuinely impressed me.  For the first time in at least a year I nearly cracked a smile.  Not only is this goth up a tree in a cemetery but she’s there at night time, she’s not smiling and there’s eerie shit going on with the light. What can I say apart from 5 points, friends?  NOTHING.
5 out of 5 - Nothing else matters.

Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “we went to a graveyard on a cold rainy evening, there’s no effect on the picture, the light was just weird colors. also possible ghost involvement.”

I find it difficult to be impressed these days due to the world being a constant source of disappointment to me, but this photo has genuinely impressed me.  For the first time in at least a year I nearly cracked a smile.  Not only is this goth up a tree in a cemetery but she’s there at night time, she’s not smiling and there’s eerie shit going on with the light. What can I say apart from 5 points, friends?  NOTHING.

5 out of 5 - Nothing else matters.

sempiternaltearsontape submitted this photo with the comment “This was one of several trees my friend Laura and I climbed on Friday 13th. This particular photo was taken by our wonderful friend Bryce in a 19th Century cemetery in Sydney not too far from where I live.”
Happy gothmas everyone! To celebrate gothmas (or Halloween as you non-goths call it) we have some of my countrymen (or country-people) up a tree in a cemetery in front of a McDonalds establishment.  It’s so good of Maccas to set up shop next to a cemetery to cater for the small portion of the goth population who love a bit of fast food after a long hard up-tree cemetery session.  
Our goths here are doing all the right things: they’re high up the tree, they’re not smiling and they’re gothed up appropriately.  They’re out in daylight but they’re in the shade.  I’m not sure whether their up-tree positions suggest relaxed goth-friendship or if one is supporting the other after she ingested some fast “food”. Either way I like it.
4.8 out of 5 - I hope there’s a pub near that cemetery as well.

sempiternaltearsontape submitted this photo with the comment “This was one of several trees my friend Laura and I climbed on Friday 13th. This particular photo was taken by our wonderful friend Bryce in a 19th Century cemetery in Sydney not too far from where I live.”

Happy gothmas everyone! To celebrate gothmas (or Halloween as you non-goths call it) we have some of my countrymen (or country-people) up a tree in a cemetery in front of a McDonalds establishment.  It’s so good of Maccas to set up shop next to a cemetery to cater for the small portion of the goth population who love a bit of fast food after a long hard up-tree cemetery session. 

Our goths here are doing all the right things: they’re high up the tree, they’re not smiling and they’re gothed up appropriately.  They’re out in daylight but they’re in the shade.  I’m not sure whether their up-tree positions suggest relaxed goth-friendship or if one is supporting the other after she ingested some fast “food”. Either way I like it.

4.8 out of 5 - I hope there’s a pub near that cemetery as well.

marymisery submitted this photo with the comment “Myself with a friend at a local cemetery. I AM up the tree as you can see from behind me along with the headstones. But if you look behind me- lo and behold, more trees! <3! “
This goth knows The Rules™ and has explained her up-tree situation accordingly, so bonus points there.  This is quite a lovely photo but I’m distracted by 2 things: 1) her phenomenally long eyelashes, and 2) her elbow. I’m not usually distracted by elbows, by the way, but this is one of those weird elbow-staring situations that I find myself in now and then.
Elbows aside, bonus points for the gravestones, the fading light, the lack of smiling and what appears to be a decent up-tree height.  Nicely done.
4.85 out of 5 - Now all I can think of is a bunch of goths doing the chicken dance.

marymisery submitted this photo with the comment “Myself with a friend at a local cemetery. I AM up the tree as you can see from behind me along with the headstones. But if you look behind me- lo and behold, more trees! <3! “

This goth knows The Rules™ and has explained her up-tree situation accordingly, so bonus points there.  This is quite a lovely photo but I’m distracted by 2 things: 1) her phenomenally long eyelashes, and 2) her elbow. I’m not usually distracted by elbows, by the way, but this is one of those weird elbow-staring situations that I find myself in now and then.

Elbows aside, bonus points for the gravestones, the fading light, the lack of smiling and what appears to be a decent up-tree height.  Nicely done.

4.85 out of 5 - Now all I can think of is a bunch of goths doing the chicken dance.

Sam B. submitted this photo with the comment &#8220;One of the many photos of my friend some-what in a tree.&#8221;
The excellence of this photo overshadows the fact that Sam&#8217;s friend is only partially up the tree.  He&#8217;s clearly in a cemetery, he&#8217;s not smiling and he&#8217;s gothed up to the max including some kind of fantastic armoured gloves, the ol&#8217; rip offs of the pennangalan libby plate commando boots (I say that because I have the originals and I&#8217;m feeling sassy), a more than adequate amount of black eye makeup and a whole world of hardware on his person.  I&#8217;m sure he hears the old favourite line by hilarious Dads everywhere: &#8220;I bet he has trouble getting through security at airports&#8221;.  You know what, Dads everywhere?  We put our clothes with lots of hardware in our luggage and we take our boots off in advance we don&#8217;t hold up the line because we&#8217;re POLITE. SO THERE.
It&#8217;s daylight but I love the fact that the sun is shining through his hair.  I wish I could read what is written on the little sign on the tree.  I suspect it&#8217;s &#8220;Reserved for goths&#8221;.
4.5 out of 5 - So much potential here
I&#8217;m having a 30% off sale on my T-shirts because I&#8217;ve nearly sold out!   First in, most goth, I say.   Use the code 100percentgoth at http://shop.gothsuptrees.net for the discount. 

Sam B. submitted this photo with the comment “One of the many photos of my friend some-what in a tree.”

The excellence of this photo overshadows the fact that Sam’s friend is only partially up the tree.  He’s clearly in a cemetery, he’s not smiling and he’s gothed up to the max including some kind of fantastic armoured gloves, the ol’ rip offs of the pennangalan libby plate commando boots (I say that because I have the originals and I’m feeling sassy), a more than adequate amount of black eye makeup and a whole world of hardware on his person.  I’m sure he hears the old favourite line by hilarious Dads everywhere: “I bet he has trouble getting through security at airports”.  You know what, Dads everywhere?  We put our clothes with lots of hardware in our luggage and we take our boots off in advance we don’t hold up the line because we’re POLITE. SO THERE.

It’s daylight but I love the fact that the sun is shining through his hair.  I wish I could read what is written on the little sign on the tree.  I suspect it’s “Reserved for goths”.

4.5 out of 5 - So much potential here


I’m having a 30% off sale on my T-shirts because I’ve nearly sold out!   First in, most goth, I say.   Use the code 100percentgoth at http://shop.gothsuptrees.net for the discount. 

Demonindistress submitted this photo and  one other with the comment &#8220;Lookie! I’m up a tree. In a cemetary. Freezing my skeletonish gloves off. ^^&#8221;
This goth is indeed in a cemetery (check the other less appropriate *cough* smiling *cough* photo if you don&#8217;t trust me - which you should do by now - tut tut), she&#8217;s found an excellent couple of trees to sit/swing in, and she has mastered the art of the vaguely-inquisitive-yet-not-that-interested look that we goths strive for.  She&#8217;s not high up the tree but it&#8217;s not her fault that she found a tree with a convenient perch.  There&#8217;s no smiling but it is daylight.  I need that cemetery fence in my life, preferably around a massive black bath or something.
4 out of 5 - That tree is so convenient that it looks fake. 

Demonindistress submitted this photo and one other with the comment “Lookie! I’m up a tree. In a cemetary. Freezing my skeletonish gloves off. ^^”

This goth is indeed in a cemetery (check the other less appropriate *cough* smiling *cough* photo if you don’t trust me - which you should do by now - tut tut), she’s found an excellent couple of trees to sit/swing in, and she has mastered the art of the vaguely-inquisitive-yet-not-that-interested look that we goths strive for.  She’s not high up the tree but it’s not her fault that she found a tree with a convenient perch.  There’s no smiling but it is daylight.  I need that cemetery fence in my life, preferably around a massive black bath or something.

4 out of 5 - That tree is so convenient that it looks fake. 

vitreousrose submitted this photo with the comment &#8220;My best friend Carolyn. We were doing a photoshoot of Carolyn&#8217;s goth garb in a cemetary that has graves as far back as 1700. Then we saw a tree&#8230; And we knew she had to get in it. It was too perfect.&#8221;
Yes, that tree is in the perfect location - surrounded by gravestones and in front of what I assume is a church.  We haven&#8217;t had a goth loli inspired outfit for a while so bonus points for that.  She looks quite at home up the tree, she&#8217;s a reasonable height, and she&#8217;s not smiling. It&#8217;s daylight but our goth is partially in the shade.  Bonus points for the excellent tree placement and the cute socks and boots.
Aaaand apparently it&#8217;s World Goth Day again (22nd of May) where we celebrate the world of goths.  As every day is goth day for me, I&#8217;m celebrating by being alive.  For you non-goths, I suggest you buy your local goth a drink and compliment them on their hair, or you could buy yourself some decent eyeliner to support the Sophie Lancaster Foundation. 
4.8 out of 5 - I&#8217;m waiting for my drinks and compliments, thanks.

vitreousrose submitted this photo with the comment “My best friend Carolyn. We were doing a photoshoot of Carolyn’s goth garb in a cemetary that has graves as far back as 1700. Then we saw a tree… And we knew she had to get in it. It was too perfect.”

Yes, that tree is in the perfect location - surrounded by gravestones and in front of what I assume is a church.  We haven’t had a goth loli inspired outfit for a while so bonus points for that.  She looks quite at home up the tree, she’s a reasonable height, and she’s not smiling. It’s daylight but our goth is partially in the shade.  Bonus points for the excellent tree placement and the cute socks and boots.

Aaaand apparently it’s World Goth Day again (22nd of May) where we celebrate the world of goths.  As every day is goth day for me, I’m celebrating by being alive.  For you non-goths, I suggest you buy your local goth a drink and compliment them on their hair, or you could buy yourself some decent eyeliner to support the Sophie Lancaster Foundation

4.8 out of 5 - I’m waiting for my drinks and compliments, thanks.

inkcatcher submitted this photo and one other with the comment &#8220;I am of the understanding that cowgirl boots aren&#8217;t very goth&#8230; but they do have inverted crosses on them, and there were motorcycles to be ridden.&#8221;
Of course cowgirl boots can be uber goth!  OK, well, maybe not these terrifying pink ones but, as I was told off for questioning the cowboy goth look in a previous post, I will present to you the Fields of the Nephilim who are the gothest cowboys I&#8217;ve never encountered.  Yeah! Those boys don&#8217;t herd cows.  OH NO. They herd bats, black fluffy kittens and bloody great direwolves from the backs of ravens the size of a small car.
Our cowboy booted goth has found herself an excellent tree in a cemetery.  She&#8217;s wearing a practical summertime goth outfit with floppy hat for maximum style and facial coverage.  Bonus points for hair colour, boots, lack of smiling,  good tree height and balance, and the graveyard setting.  It&#8217;s daylight but it&#8217;s an overcast day.
4.85 out of 5 - I&#8217;d much prefer a goth in cowboy boots to a goth in ugg boots (they exist, I saw at least 2 last weekend)

inkcatcher submitted this photo and one other with the comment “I am of the understanding that cowgirl boots aren’t very goth… but they do have inverted crosses on them, and there were motorcycles to be ridden.”

Of course cowgirl boots can be uber goth!  OK, well, maybe not these terrifying pink ones but, as I was told off for questioning the cowboy goth look in a previous post, I will present to you the Fields of the Nephilim who are the gothest cowboys I’ve never encountered.  Yeah! Those boys don’t herd cows.  OH NO. They herd bats, black fluffy kittens and bloody great direwolves from the backs of ravens the size of a small car.

Our cowboy booted goth has found herself an excellent tree in a cemetery.  She’s wearing a practical summertime goth outfit with floppy hat for maximum style and facial coverage.  Bonus points for hair colour, boots, lack of smiling,  good tree height and balance, and the graveyard setting.  It’s daylight but it’s an overcast day.

4.85 out of 5 - I’d much prefer a goth in cowboy boots to a goth in ugg boots (they exist, I saw at least 2 last weekend)

awkwardmanifesto submitted this photo with the comment &#8220;Up a tree in a cemetery in Salem, site of the witch trials.&#8221;
Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches? Peasant: Burn them. Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches? Peasant: More witches!*
Now that&#8217;s out of my system, the cemetery in Salem is a nice story &#8216;n all but where is the proof? I see no gravestones and I see no witches hanging from the trees (too gory? I blame it on the Songs of Fire and Ice books).  She is, however, high up an impressive tree and she&#8217;s not smiling. It&#8217;s a sunny day but she&#8217;s in the shade.  I just can&#8217;t bring myself to give her bonus points for the cemetery or Salem business due to lack of evidence.
4.4 out of 5 - She turned me into a newt&#8230; but I got better

* I&#8217;m appalled by the amount of people who don&#8217;t know that this is from Monty Python&#8217;s Holy Grail. *sigh*

awkwardmanifesto submitted this photo with the comment “Up a tree in a cemetery in Salem, site of the witch trials.”

Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant: Burn them.
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant: More witches!*

Now that’s out of my system, the cemetery in Salem is a nice story ‘n all but where is the proof? I see no gravestones and I see no witches hanging from the trees (too gory? I blame it on the Songs of Fire and Ice books).  She is, however, high up an impressive tree and she’s not smiling. It’s a sunny day but she’s in the shade.  I just can’t bring myself to give her bonus points for the cemetery or Salem business due to lack of evidence.

4.4 out of 5 - She turned me into a newt… but I got better

* I’m appalled by the amount of people who don’t know that this is from Monty Python’s Holy Grail. *sigh*

Casey submitted this photo with the comment &#8220;This was our first date- the cemetery.&#8221;
I&#8217;m clearly not a very excellent goth because the idea of going to a cemetery for a first date is kind of inconvenient; there&#8217;s no easily accessible alcohol unless you BYO, there is no way you can sneakily go to the toilet and then never come back (or organise for your friend to magically appear and whisk you away). I suppose you could always &#8220;trip&#8221; over a gravestone and require emergency medical attention.  That could work.  Second date at the cemetery = more of a winner as you&#8217;re less likely to need to get away fast. 
These goths are clearly more excellent than I am and more confident in their dating choices.  Good on them.  I also applaud them for taking photos up trees in cemeteries on their first date.  I hope they get married up a tree in a cemetery at night time and send me the picture.  There&#8217;s a bit of smiling and it&#8217;s daytime, unfortunately. He doesn&#8217;t look terribly high up the tree but he&#8217;s probably not wanting to risk his chances of serious injury in case he needs to perform later.
4.2 out of 5 - Be an excellent goth and have all your dates in cemeteries up trees.

Casey submitted this photo with the comment “This was our first date- the cemetery.”

I’m clearly not a very excellent goth because the idea of going to a cemetery for a first date is kind of inconvenient; there’s no easily accessible alcohol unless you BYO, there is no way you can sneakily go to the toilet and then never come back (or organise for your friend to magically appear and whisk you away). I suppose you could always “trip” over a gravestone and require emergency medical attention.  That could work.  Second date at the cemetery = more of a winner as you’re less likely to need to get away fast. 

These goths are clearly more excellent than I am and more confident in their dating choices.  Good on them.  I also applaud them for taking photos up trees in cemeteries on their first date.  I hope they get married up a tree in a cemetery at night time and send me the picture.  There’s a bit of smiling and it’s daytime, unfortunately. He doesn’t look terribly high up the tree but he’s probably not wanting to risk his chances of serious injury in case he needs to perform later.

4.2 out of 5 - Be an excellent goth and have all your dates in cemeteries up trees.