Dr C Sprocken submitted this photo with an accompanying short story:

I’m a self titled goth hunter. Every night I go out with hopes to capture eternally gorgeous images of goths in the wild. Lately, my work has been completely dead and not in a good way. As I went on a dismal walk during the last autumnal evening in Kansas City, I thought to myself that all the spookiness in this town must have been completely eradicated by the proliferation of readily available slurpee machines. Just as I was about to give up and go drool over latex unicorn man viral videos, I noticed something aglow high up in a tree. With my camera at the ready I crept close. The feeling that something special was about to unfold rattled deep in my bones. I lifted up a prickly branch, darted under, and snapped shots like crazy. I was blinded and two large somethings skittered past me like howler monkeys into the night! I laid writhing in a pile of tree needles for about an hour until I could see again. When I finally could, this photo was the only one that remained on my camera. I believe I have captured the rarest and greatest photo in the history of gothdom! The mere existence of gothic man booty already makes this an incredibly rare photo! However, this is clearly a moment captured during the ancient ritual summoning of The Great Lord Bootyzebub known to have once blessed a young Trent Reznor. Never before today has such a rare occurrence been documented and released to the public! May Bootyzebub rise again!

In summary: Night time? ✔ Height in tree: high Goth count: 2 Outfit rating: high Not smiling: ✔ Gothic arse-in-moonlight: ✔ My satisfaction level: through the canopy. Bonus points: excellent boots, mention of Trent Reznor’s arse (haha look at Trent’s arse in cut-offs.  I wonder if he’s a never-nude?)
5 out of 5 - Nothing beats a gothic arse-in-moonlight shot.

Dr C Sprocken submitted this photo with an accompanying short story:

I’m a self titled goth hunter. Every night I go out with hopes to capture eternally gorgeous images of goths in the wild. Lately, my work has been completely dead and not in a good way. As I went on a dismal walk during the last autumnal evening in Kansas City, I thought to myself that all the spookiness in this town must have been completely eradicated by the proliferation of readily available slurpee machines. Just as I was about to give up and go drool over latex unicorn man viral videos, I noticed something aglow high up in a tree. With my camera at the ready I crept close. The feeling that something special was about to unfold rattled deep in my bones. I lifted up a prickly branch, darted under, and snapped shots like crazy. I was blinded and two large somethings skittered past me like howler monkeys into the night! I laid writhing in a pile of tree needles for about an hour until I could see again. When I finally could, this photo was the only one that remained on my camera. I believe I have captured the rarest and greatest photo in the history of gothdom! The mere existence of gothic man booty already makes this an incredibly rare photo! However, this is clearly a moment captured during the ancient ritual summoning of The Great Lord Bootyzebub known to have once blessed a young Trent Reznor. Never before today has such a rare occurrence been documented and released to the public! May Bootyzebub rise again!

In summary:
Night time?
Height in tree: high
Goth count: 2 
Outfit rating: high
Not smiling:
Gothic arse-in-moonlight:
My satisfaction level: through the canopy.
Bonus points: excellent boots, mention of Trent Reznor’s arse (haha look at Trent’s arse in cut-offs.  I wonder if he’s a never-nude?)


5 out of 5 - Nothing beats a gothic arse-in-moonlight shot.

nativityinblvck submitted this photo with the comment “my girlfriend brynna and i were walking in sutro forest in san francisco on a beautiful foggy afternoon and thought what better time to take gothsuptrees photos?” 
"What better time to take goths up trees photos?", he says.  NIGHT TIME is a better bloody time! I’m shocked anyone would think that foggy afternoon was superior to night time no matter the visibility level. 
Our lovely goth couple here have excelled in all other areas of goths-up-tree-ness; they’re high up their tree/s, well dressed and they’re not smiling.  I have the same earrings the violet haired goth is wearing but they’re too bloody heavy for my piss-weak little ears and I can’t wear them for fear of unintended lobe stretching, so bonus points for earlobe tugging endurance. 
4.7 out of 5 - Apparently it’s World Goth Day AGAIN.  Support your local goths up trees by bringing them a bottle of vodka and a straw and complimenting them on their new jacket.  I’m celebrating by eating carrot soup to improve my night vision.

submitted this photo with the comment “my girlfriend brynna and i were walking in sutro forest in san francisco on a beautiful foggy afternoon and thought what better time to take gothsuptrees photos?”

"What better time to take goths up trees photos?", he says.  NIGHT TIME is a better bloody time! I’m shocked anyone would think that foggy afternoon was superior to night time no matter the visibility level. 

Our lovely goth couple here have excelled in all other areas of goths-up-tree-ness; they’re high up their tree/s, well dressed and they’re not smiling.  I have the same earrings the violet haired goth is wearing but they’re too bloody heavy for my piss-weak little ears and I can’t wear them for fear of unintended lobe stretching, so bonus points for earlobe tugging endurance. 

4.7 out of 5 - Apparently it’s World Goth Day AGAIN.  Support your local goths up trees by bringing them a bottle of vodka and a straw and complimenting them on their new jacket.  I’m celebrating by eating carrot soup to improve my night vision.

Brydie & Emma submitted this photo with the comment:

"Local Goths spotted clinging to the only nature in sleepwalking distance from their lair in the dead cold heart of Wellington city, New zealand. These two dismal goths rarely seen surfaced in the light of dismay..I mean day, try and do their best to blend in with the tree, but fail miserably as their pale flesh illuninates from the dreaded overpowering fucking sun. But we got you.. you cant hide forever you wicked wicked things."

I think these are the first self-identifying New Zealander goths I’ve received and I’m impressed by their effort (despite the use of a shitty filter on the photo and the blatant bandanna situation).  One has cunningly hidden her mouth to disguise any visible evidence of mirth.  I appreciate the effortless-looking athletic yet elegant pose of the higher level goth.  They’re a decent height up the tree. It’s day time and one is probably smiling but it’s hidden.
4 out of 5 - Good effort from our friends across the Tasman Sea. 

Brydie & Emma submitted this photo with the comment:

"Local Goths spotted clinging to the only nature in sleepwalking distance from their lair in the dead cold heart of Wellington city, New zealand. These two dismal goths rarely seen surfaced in the light of dismay..I mean day, try and do their best to blend in with the tree, but fail miserably as their pale flesh illuninates from the dreaded overpowering fucking sun. But we got you.. you cant hide forever you wicked wicked things."

I think these are the first self-identifying New Zealander goths I’ve received and I’m impressed by their effort (despite the use of a shitty filter on the photo and the blatant bandanna situation).  One has cunningly hidden her mouth to disguise any visible evidence of mirth.  I appreciate the effortless-looking athletic yet elegant pose of the higher level goth.  They’re a decent height up the tree. It’s day time and one is probably smiling but it’s hidden.

4 out of 5 - Good effort from our friends across the Tasman Sea. 

Jerome & Alice submitted this photo with the comment “Waiting to die”
What an appropriately goth way to start the year. Welcome to another year closer to your death, friends. It certainly feels like that for me as I think I’ve woken up with a cracking hangover every day for 2 weeks.  Hell, if you can’t drink away the pain at Christmas, when can you?
Our pictured goths look to be a low-medium height in the tree.  They’re certainly not smiling and they’re mostly out of the sun.  I like the perspective here.  The photographer has the prime up-tree position and has photographed the lower-order goths trying to deal with their hangovers below.
4.7 out of 5 - Communing with trees is an adequate hangover cure but vitamin B is better (with vodka).

Jerome & Alice submitted this photo with the comment “Waiting to die”

What an appropriately goth way to start the year. Welcome to another year closer to your death, friends. It certainly feels like that for me as I think I’ve woken up with a cracking hangover every day for 2 weeks.  Hell, if you can’t drink away the pain at Christmas, when can you?

Our pictured goths look to be a low-medium height in the tree.  They’re certainly not smiling and they’re mostly out of the sun.  I like the perspective here.  The photographer has the prime up-tree position and has photographed the lower-order goths trying to deal with their hangovers below.

4.7 out of 5 - Communing with trees is an adequate hangover cure but vitamin B is better (with vodka).

osirianzen submitted this photo with the comment “Alt. models Osirian and Black Lily as Eric Draven and Harley Quinn. Photo by Barfridge LeStrange”
What the hell is Eric Draven doing fraternising with Harley Quinn during the day (or at any time for that matter)?   Eric’s brooding character suits some up-tree lamentation and I suppose Harley could have decided to tease him about his love of gaffer tape and the way he badly copies her make-up.
It looks like a sunny day, which is quite disappointing. Eric is a decent height up the tree but he’s not smiling. I like that he has gone to the trouble to bring along his guitar.  Harley Quinn appears to be a cyber-gothed up for the occasion. 
4.7 out of 5 - Perhaps Harley is attracted to men who are bad at applying make-up.  I know I am.

osirianzen submitted this photo with the comment “Alt. models Osirian and Black Lily as Eric Draven and Harley Quinn. Photo by Barfridge LeStrange”

What the hell is Eric Draven doing fraternising with Harley Quinn during the day (or at any time for that matter)?   Eric’s brooding character suits some up-tree lamentation and I suppose Harley could have decided to tease him about his love of gaffer tape and the way he badly copies her make-up.

It looks like a sunny day, which is quite disappointing. Eric is a decent height up the tree but he’s not smiling. I like that he has gone to the trouble to bring along his guitar.  Harley Quinn appears to be a cyber-gothed up for the occasion.

4.7 out of 5 - Perhaps Harley is attracted to men who are bad at applying make-up.  I know I am.

croserun submitted this photo with the comment “It was 2003.  I was underage and convinced that oversized hoodies were the height of fashion.  I stood in a tree in a corset, my friend perched above me.  WE ARE GOTHS.”
I like how adamant she is that she and her friend are goths.  Gone are the days when goths refused to be labelled. “No we’re not goths, we’re unique individuals who reject your tedious subculture stereotypes! We just like wearing black, damnit.”  I have actual medical proof that I am a goth, as I just got some test results back that show that I’m severely vitamin D deficient.  How does one become vitamin D deficient, I hear you ask? LACK OF SUNLIGHT. HA! Proof of goth!
They’re a decent height up the tree and they’re not smiling. It’s a cold and gloomy looking day, perfect for working on your vitamin D deficiency.  They’re wearing the kind of outfits I would have worn in 2003, so bonus points there. 
4.7 out of 5 - They should print your vitamin D status on goth cards for proof of gothness.

croserun submitted this photo with the comment “It was 2003.  I was underage and convinced that oversized hoodies were the height of fashion.  I stood in a tree in a corset, my friend perched above me.  WE ARE GOTHS.”

I like how adamant she is that she and her friend are goths.  Gone are the days when goths refused to be labelled. “No we’re not goths, we’re unique individuals who reject your tedious subculture stereotypes! We just like wearing black, damnit.”  I have actual medical proof that I am a goth, as I just got some test results back that show that I’m severely vitamin D deficient.  How does one become vitamin D deficient, I hear you ask? LACK OF SUNLIGHT. HA! Proof of goth!

They’re a decent height up the tree and they’re not smiling. It’s a cold and gloomy looking day, perfect for working on your vitamin D deficiency.  They’re wearing the kind of outfits I would have worn in 2003, so bonus points there.

4.7 out of 5 - They should print your vitamin D status on goth cards for proof of gothness.

sempiternaltearsontape submitted this photo with the comment “This was one of several trees my friend Laura and I climbed on Friday 13th. This particular photo was taken by our wonderful friend Bryce in a 19th Century cemetery in Sydney not too far from where I live.”
Happy gothmas everyone! To celebrate gothmas (or Halloween as you non-goths call it) we have some of my countrymen (or country-people) up a tree in a cemetery in front of a McDonalds establishment.  It’s so good of Maccas to set up shop next to a cemetery to cater for the small portion of the goth population who love a bit of fast food after a long hard up-tree cemetery session.  
Our goths here are doing all the right things: they’re high up the tree, they’re not smiling and they’re gothed up appropriately.  They’re out in daylight but they’re in the shade.  I’m not sure whether their up-tree positions suggest relaxed goth-friendship or if one is supporting the other after she ingested some fast “food”. Either way I like it.
4.8 out of 5 - I hope there’s a pub near that cemetery as well.

sempiternaltearsontape submitted this photo with the comment “This was one of several trees my friend Laura and I climbed on Friday 13th. This particular photo was taken by our wonderful friend Bryce in a 19th Century cemetery in Sydney not too far from where I live.”

Happy gothmas everyone! To celebrate gothmas (or Halloween as you non-goths call it) we have some of my countrymen (or country-people) up a tree in a cemetery in front of a McDonalds establishment.  It’s so good of Maccas to set up shop next to a cemetery to cater for the small portion of the goth population who love a bit of fast food after a long hard up-tree cemetery session. 

Our goths here are doing all the right things: they’re high up the tree, they’re not smiling and they’re gothed up appropriately.  They’re out in daylight but they’re in the shade.  I’m not sure whether their up-tree positions suggest relaxed goth-friendship or if one is supporting the other after she ingested some fast “food”. Either way I like it.

4.8 out of 5 - I hope there’s a pub near that cemetery as well.

Ian submitted this photo with no comment.
These boys have both reached commendable tree heights in this picture but I don’t think they’re overly goth; perhaps more goth-compatible.  I don’t know what it is about the top guy but his pose, his hair situation, or something reminds me of the most charming animal in the world, a sloth.  Sloths must be mostly goth because they share 3 letters between them and they sit around in trees a lot.  Yes, I’m struggling a bit here.
They’re not smiling and they’re both at an excellent height up the tree. Points for effort with the face paint and poses. It’s daylight and they’re out in the sun so points deducted there.
3 out of 5 - I FOUND SOME GOTH SLOTHS - here and here and this fine animated gif here

Ian submitted this photo with no comment.

These boys have both reached commendable tree heights in this picture but I don’t think they’re overly goth; perhaps more goth-compatible.  I don’t know what it is about the top guy but his pose, his hair situation, or something reminds me of the most charming animal in the world, a sloth.  Sloths must be mostly goth because they share 3 letters between them and they sit around in trees a lot.  Yes, I’m struggling a bit here.

They’re not smiling and they’re both at an excellent height up the tree. Points for effort with the face paint and poses. It’s daylight and they’re out in the sun so points deducted there.

3 out of 5 - I FOUND SOME GOTH SLOTHS - here and here and this fine animated gif here

Sam Foreman submitted this photo with the comment “My friend and I found this fantastic and rather climbable willow tree in a local park and we thought it would be a great opportunity for a goths up trees photo. :)” 
I think you’ll all agree that this is excellent work from this pair of goth ladies.  I especially like the goth-composition in this photo as we have goths at different heights but with their outfits mostly visible.   They’re at medium and high levels up the tree, which is great.  They’re not smiling and they’re in lovely summer-time goth outfits.  Bonus points for the attractive tree, the top goth’s heels and the lower goth’s fan.  Is that some kind of bicycle in the bottom left corner? Did these goths arrive to their tree by tandem cycle?  I hope so.
4.8 out of 5 -  I am grateful that they identified the Willow tree for me because clearly I know more about goths than I do trees.  Perhaps I should do a tree identification course.

Sam Foreman submitted this photo with the comment “My friend and I found this fantastic and rather climbable willow tree in a local park and we thought it would be a great opportunity for a goths up trees photo. :)”

I think you’ll all agree that this is excellent work from this pair of goth ladies.  I especially like the goth-composition in this photo as we have goths at different heights but with their outfits mostly visible.   They’re at medium and high levels up the tree, which is great.  They’re not smiling and they’re in lovely summer-time goth outfits.  Bonus points for the attractive tree, the top goth’s heels and the lower goth’s fan.  Is that some kind of bicycle in the bottom left corner? Did these goths arrive to their tree by tandem cycle?  I hope so.

4.8 out of 5 -  I am grateful that they identified the Willow tree for me because clearly I know more about goths than I do trees.  Perhaps I should do a tree identification course.

frreakshow submitted this photo with the comment “Sophie and I were up a tree which is conveniently placed in front of a church.”
How thoughtful of someone to plant a tree, decades ago, in front of a church for goths to climb!  How inconvenient that your friend forgot to goth-up for the occasion.  If I were you, I’d just ditch her and find a gothier friend.  Just keep hanging out in church trees and eventually you’ll find a bunch of like-minded souls to befriend (or church-ground landscapers, which could be useful for after-hours cemetery jaunts).
I know, I know, I should be more understanding of non-goth supporting cast members accompanying their goths up a tree.  They’re high up the leafless wintry tree, they’re in the shade, and they’re not smiling. Bonus points for the church.
4.5 out of 5 - Don’t ditch your non-goth friends, they’re good for a lift up a tree.

frreakshow submitted this photo with the comment “Sophie and I were up a tree which is conveniently placed in front of a church.”

How thoughtful of someone to plant a tree, decades ago, in front of a church for goths to climb!  How inconvenient that your friend forgot to goth-up for the occasion.  If I were you, I’d just ditch her and find a gothier friend.  Just keep hanging out in church trees and eventually you’ll find a bunch of like-minded souls to befriend (or church-ground landscapers, which could be useful for after-hours cemetery jaunts).

I know, I know, I should be more understanding of non-goth supporting cast members accompanying their goths up a tree.  They’re high up the leafless wintry tree, they’re in the shade, and they’re not smiling. Bonus points for the church.

4.5 out of 5 - Don’t ditch your non-goth friends, they’re good for a lift up a tree.

cressidaknapp submitted this photo with the comment “These photo’s were taken on the January full moon. We did the shoot before initiating each other into the coven ‘Cloud of Bats’. Then we went home and watched Rosemary’s baby and drank tinned Pina Colada’s.”
Straight up… now tell me do you really want to love me forever? oh oh oh…   Sorry, I had a small Paula Abdul moment including hair swishing but minus the tap dancing.  What I meant to say was, straight up, I think we can say that these aren’t goths.  I mean, they might be ✝ uber goffix ✝ at heart but their appearance says “totes hipster” to me.  I appreciate the effort they’ve gone to though and I’m glad they have observed the long standing tradition of drinking pina coladas from a can after a coven initiation.
They’re high up the tree, it’s night time, and they’re not smiling.  Bonus points for the full moon and sunglasses at night.  Points deducted for lack of obvious gothness.
3 out of 5 - After my coven initiation we drank cosmopolitans and watched Sex in the City.  Shitest coven ever.

cressidaknapp submitted this photo with the comment “These photo’s were taken on the January full moon. We did the shoot before initiating each other into the coven ‘Cloud of Bats’. Then we went home and watched Rosemary’s baby and drank tinned Pina Colada’s.”

Straight up… now tell me do you really want to love me forever? oh oh oh…   Sorry, I had a small Paula Abdul moment including hair swishing but minus the tap dancing.  What I meant to say was, straight up, I think we can say that these aren’t goths.  I mean, they might be ✝ uber goffix ✝ at heart but their appearance says “totes hipster” to me.  I appreciate the effort they’ve gone to though and I’m glad they have observed the long standing tradition of drinking pina coladas from a can after a coven initiation.

They’re high up the tree, it’s night time, and they’re not smiling.  Bonus points for the full moon and sunglasses at night.  Points deducted for lack of obvious gothness.

3 out of 5 - After my coven initiation we drank cosmopolitans and watched Sex in the City.  Shitest coven ever.

Fate submitted this photo with the comment “Here you go.. my boy and and I, cliché it up by climbing up a tree IN a cemetery! I think we deserve bonus points because my boy here is the sexiest goth ever. Also.. my hair matches his pants. Impressive no? ;)  (I’ll send through a couple more for you too so you can pick your favourite)”
Young goth love up a tree *sigh* This photo is my favourite but the other two are amazing as well.  I do love a couple that colour coordinates.  I believe they say that “a couple that colour coordinates will always be mates”.  OK, I just made that up, but you often see elderly couples wearing matching tracksuits, don’t you? Yep. Case closed.
Our male goth is looking off into the distance in a masterful way and the lady goth’s kissing his hand in case he forgot that she was there (or she’s sucking on his finger, I’m not sure).  Bonus points for the graveyard tree, colour coordination, being in the shade, and being generally awesome goths.  Points deducted for tree height.
4.85 out of 5 - Couples who coordinate in graveyards…. um, something something something lifeguards.

Fate submitted this photo with the comment “Here you go.. my boy and and I, cliché it up by climbing up a tree IN a cemetery! I think we deserve bonus points because my boy here is the sexiest goth ever. Also.. my hair matches his pants. Impressive no? ;)  (I’ll send through a couple more for you too so you can pick your favourite)”

Young goth love up a tree *sigh* This photo is my favourite but the other two are amazing as well.  I do love a couple that colour coordinates.  I believe they say that “a couple that colour coordinates will always be mates”.  OK, I just made that up, but you often see elderly couples wearing matching tracksuits, don’t you? Yep. Case closed.

Our male goth is looking off into the distance in a masterful way and the lady goth’s kissing his hand in case he forgot that she was there (or she’s sucking on his finger, I’m not sure).  Bonus points for the graveyard tree, colour coordination, being in the shade, and being generally awesome goths.  Points deducted for tree height.

4.85 out of 5 - Couples who coordinate in graveyards…. um, something something something lifeguards.

laveller submitted this photo with the comment “Tree creepers”.
It looks to me like these goths have set a trap, Wednesday Addams style, and are waiting up a tree for their unsuspecting victims to fall prey.  They’ve definitely got Wednesday’s deadpan look down pat.  I’m sure old Wednesday would be disappointed, as I am, with the fact that they’re out in daylight.  At least one is up a tree at a decent height.
4.7 out of 5 - IT’S A TRAP!

laveller submitted this photo with the comment “Tree creepers”.

It looks to me like these goths have set a trap, Wednesday Addams style, and are waiting up a tree for their unsuspecting victims to fall prey.  They’ve definitely got Wednesday’s deadpan look down pat.  I’m sure old Wednesday would be disappointed, as I am, with the fact that they’re out in daylight.  At least one is up a tree at a decent height.

4.7 out of 5 - IT’S A TRAP!

Lisa Twinkle submitted this photo with the comment “A Goth & a suspicious looking Punk up a tree!”
They both appear pretty bloody suspicious to me.  This looks to me like one of those horror movies where the punk kills the goth over an up-tree argument about whether Siouxsie Sioux is a punk or a goth.  What? Those movies don’t exist?  WELL THEY SHOULD. 
It’s night time, they’re high up the tree and there’s no smiling.  Bonus points for suggestions of up-tree murder. I would have liked to see more of the goth’s boots.
4.95 out of 5 - This punk is clearly sick of defending his musical tastes

Lisa Twinkle submitted this photo with the comment “A Goth & a suspicious looking Punk up a tree!”

They both appear pretty bloody suspicious to me.  This looks to me like one of those horror movies where the punk kills the goth over an up-tree argument about whether Siouxsie Sioux is a punk or a goth.  What? Those movies don’t exist?  WELL THEY SHOULD. 

It’s night time, they’re high up the tree and there’s no smiling.  Bonus points for suggestions of up-tree murder. I would have liked to see more of the goth’s boots.

4.95 out of 5 - This punk is clearly sick of defending his musical tastes

Robert Bahr submitted this photo with the comment “Out on a limb”.
There’s an awful lot of smiling going on in this picture and frankly it disturbs me.  What are they so happy about? Why bother blurring the top and bottom corners of a photo like that? Why does it annoy me so much? Why is it after 5pm on a Friday and my tummy is void of alcohol? Things need to change around here!
These two look like a charming couple, despite the blatant smiling.  He’s a decent height up the tree and she is being a very supportive supporting cast member (I think she’s just leaning on the tree and not up it). She’s particularly supportive of his shoe. They’re out in the sun which is disappointing as they’re both quite pale.  My guess is that he is the photographer and she’s the model which is why she’s gothed up more than he is.  Still, he could have made more of an effort. 
4 out of 5 - Oh, wait, as if by miracle some alcohol has appeared.  The blurred edges no longer a problem. 

Robert Bahr submitted this photo with the comment “Out on a limb”.

There’s an awful lot of smiling going on in this picture and frankly it disturbs me.  What are they so happy about? Why bother blurring the top and bottom corners of a photo like that? Why does it annoy me so much? Why is it after 5pm on a Friday and my tummy is void of alcohol? Things need to change around here!

These two look like a charming couple, despite the blatant smiling.  He’s a decent height up the tree and she is being a very supportive supporting cast member (I think she’s just leaning on the tree and not up it). She’s particularly supportive of his shoe. They’re out in the sun which is disappointing as they’re both quite pale.  My guess is that he is the photographer and she’s the model which is why she’s gothed up more than he is.  Still, he could have made more of an effort.

4 out of 5 - Oh, wait, as if by miracle some alcohol has appeared.  The blurred edges no longer a problem.