Brian John Mitchell from Remora showing his Goths Up Trees loving self.  I know it’s probably some eyeliner away from a perfect score….

Maaaaaate, while I heartily approve of your blatant promotion of the site/t-shirt and the effort you’ve gone to display your crotch high up a tree at night time while not smiling, if you love Goths Up Trees that much you would have known not to wear blue pants for fear of incurring my wrath!  At least they’re not denim, but REALLY!  I’m appalled.  This is my appalled face:  >;-{  HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?

4.85 out of 5 - It’s true, some eyeliner would have helped your cause but I just can’t bring myself to give you a perfect score because of your silly blue pants.  Try again and add more gothness.

Crystal submitted this photo with no comment.

It seems that gothic males find it near impossible to pose up trees without displaying their crotch and this is an example of crotch-displaying up-tree goth-ness at its finest.  I know I’d be an up-tree crotch-displayer if I were a male or even if I were a female who wore more pants (I’m talking strides here because, yes, I’m a fan of wearing underwear). 

This guy is fulfilling the majority of my requirements: he’s nicely gothed up for a spot of casual tree climbing, he’s a reasonable height up a fallen tree, he’s not smiling and he is displaying crotch.  It’s daylight, unfortunately but I like his roguish head-tilt.  Can you have a roguish head tilt? If not, here’s an 80s computer game flashback for those kids of the 80s out there (note the amazing interface).

4.6 out of 5 - Crotch-displaying at its finest.

clockwork-king submitted this photo with the comment “I am Drake and I am a goth. Here is a picture of me in a tree. That is all. Goodbye.”

Interesting spiel, Drake (if that’s even your real name).  There’s something very fishy about your photo and your comment that leads me to believe that this is all a ruse. ‘Why do you care?’ I hear you say. I CARE. When people lie to me a little part of me dies (usually a hair just drops right out of my head) and eventually I will absorb so many lies that I will be dead (rather than just looking dead, because that’s normal) and then who will you submit all your photos of goths up trees to? *sigh*

So, we have another male goth displaying his crotch at us.  I’m glad that he has a long coat on because we can’t see any definition.  He looks high up the tree and he’s not smiling.  I’m glad he has his earphones around his neck because, you know, sometimes you neck really needs to hear music.  I like his vest and fob watch.  I want to believe he has a neck ruffle but I can’t be sure.  It’s daytime, unfortunately.

4.5 out of 5 - You’re killing me one hair at a time.

Steve Wainman submitted this photo with the comment “This was me in 2010, during my old band’s photo shoot.”

You look very angelic there, Steve, like the photograher just happened to catch this ‘goth boy at rest’ pose.  What were you trying to convey here? ‘I’m a sensitive kind of goth boy who takes care of his hair and hands, check out my crotch?’  That’s what I get from it, anyway. 

He’s not very high up the tree but it’s a good ropey tree (I really need to learn the technical tree-classification terms). He’s not smiling but it’s daylight.

4 out of 5 - For angelic expression.

Violet submitted this photo with no caption.  To be honest, I think I would have appreciated a caption with this one because I imagine there could be quite a story to it.  Nevertheless, this is yet another photo of a goth-boy-crotch-displayer up a tree. Some of you may be thinking that I’m becoming obsessed with the goth-boy-crotch-displayer phenomenon but I wouldn’t say I was obsessed.  More disturbed by the pattern I’ve observed.  Admittedly, this one is probably more due to the angle than a blatant display, but still.  A display is a display in my book, and this one happens to be displayed in leather.

I am definitely appreciating this guy’s outfit: leather pants, fishnet top, long coat, massive ring, facial jewellery, topped off with some pale foundation and a bit o’ black lippy.  He’s looking quite pissed off because has been discovered during a game of hide and seek. Either that or someone wants to come up the tree too and he won’t let them.  NONE SHALL PASS etc.  It’s daylight but he’s not smiling and seems quite high up the tree.

4 out of 5 - None shall pass