Thanks to everyone for their uber submissions over the year. Keep ‘em coming! Thanks also for the multitude of non-uber submissions (I really need to start a blog called ‘hipsters up trees’). Thanks also to my loyal readers.
Grab some absinthe to celebrate, friends, and hail to the darkside!
Ally Nelson sent this one with the comment “once upon a time, i climbed a tree—it made me sad”.
Was it climbing the tree made you sad, Ally? Or was it the blood of the squirrel that you ripped apart with your teeth dripping down into your cleavage and staining your corset that made you sad? I’m going with the latter. How could climbing a tree make you sad? It makes most Goths happy!
There’s some excellent colour coordination going on in this outfit. The look of contrition on her face after ripping apart the squirrel is endearing. Her chest is trying to escape from her corset to get away from the blood. It’s daylight but she’s not smiling.
3.5 out of 5 - Staining your outfit is more upsetting than climbing trees.
leylairoyale sent this photo in with the comment “Here you have myself, at 16, trying to be a Suicide Girl and a goth glam girl in a tree.”
Who hasn’t attempted to be a Suicide Girl at one stage or another in their life? Well, me, but I can guarantee a few females I know and least three of my male friends have at one stage or another (yes, for jokes but it still counts). None of them up a tree, though. If there’s one place to look seductive and alternative it’s reclining on a branch gripping the trunk with your fishnetted arm with your shoes off and your hair cascading down the branch.
Why does she have her shoes off? Were her shoes not Goth enough for the photo? Did she prefer to have her stockinged feet visible to cater to the the stripy sock appreciators in the audience? Did she have to remove them to climb the tree? Who really cares? Not I. She’s not smiling. In fact, she is looking kind of tired. Seductively tired. It’s daytime but it’s a dull looking day.
4 out of 5 - Always cater to the stripy sock appreciators
Jeff submitted this photo with the caption “A Kit in a tree.”
This is definitely one of those ‘I’m just hangin’ in this here tree, minding my own business, looking awesome’ type shots. The photographer either got so caught up trying to capture this moment that they missed her right arm out of the shot or my mate Jeff (not actually my mate) cropped her arm out because she was sticking her finger up at a nearby group of nuns and small girls playing with puppies, kittens and butterflies in a forest of blossoming cherry trees (which I would also do because I hate nuns due to years of torture at an all girls school run by nuns – yes, I mean you, Sister Maria).
And HELLO 80s ruffley pirate shirt! What an awesome outfit. I think the cincher is seen to its fullest advantage with the open pirate shirt. She certainly has a charming collection of crosses and rosary beads around her neck. Her boots have a full compliment of buckles and her breeches are breechery (yo, dude, your trousers are totally breechery). She’s not smiling but it’s daylight.
4 out of 5 – Stick your finger up at nuns while wearing a pirate shirt if you want to be awesome.
Sheridyn submitted this photo with the comment “My dear goth friend Joel, up in a tree. Such a sweet boy. More of a pet really. I hope he knows how to get back down. I’d hate to have to call the fire department, again.”
Keeping Goths as pets, eh Sheridyn? I suppose Goth-keeping would be much like keeping an axolotl. You have to make sure their surrounding temperature is between 12-20°C, they like being in the dark, you need to make sure they have salt in their environment (I suggest a lot of potato chips and cheese), and they have very sensitive skin. Axolotls probably don’t require a constant supply of alcohol or access to the Internet at all times like Goths do. My Grandmother calls me “pet” but I’m pretty sure that’s just a term of endearment and not because she considers me her pet Goth. I’ll have to ask her.
Joel looks quite sweet but he doesn’t look too impressed that someone’s found him up that tree. Perhaps he doesn’t want to be someone’s pet? Perhaps he’s sick of his Grandmother calling him ‘pet’ and would rather she just call him by his real name in front of his Uber friends. Who knows. He’s quite high up in that tree. He’s not smiling but it is daytime.
I’ve been sent this one from about 6 different people (thanks to Abe and Per Hedetun more recently) and I’ve resisted putting it up because I don’t speak Swedish and I haven’t got a translation but, now I think about it, I don’t think you actually need a translation.
This is Goth-watching with Robert Gustavsson from the 90s Swedish TV comedy series ‘Percy Tårar’. Goth-watching as a sport = brilliant. Every Goth wants to be watched (in the nicest possible way). I absolutely love the call he makes to attract the “Goth”. Awesome.
4.5 out of 5 - Goth spotters unite
[edit: The wonderful Marcus Jansson sent me this translation! Thanks Marcus!
Ove Pihl - A leading Swedish goth-watcher and a member of the 300 club. To enter the 300 Club, you have to identify 300 different species of goth, and Ove has done it.
- I have been doing this for about 15 years now actually. I was hanging around 270 for quite some time. It is only recently I got those last 10.
Psst … there we have a really magnificent example. Oh look we were lucky. That one I recognize. It has also been seen several times at “Rock am Ring” and in London at “Camden Market”.
It was Tobias who saw the exact same specimen there.
Looks like anadventureinfood is also having a fantastic adventure up a tree. My, what a large weapon he has there. He looks like he has just sprung from his horse (which is just out of shot, of course) and skipped up the tree (with a “heigh-ho”) to get a better view of the approaching foe. He’s looking a bit grave about the whole thing. Perhaps the enemy has a larger weapon than he does. How embarrassing, but we all have to deal with disappointments in life, especially where our weapons are concerned. I’m sorry, I haven’t had much sleep and I revert to lame double entendres when I’m tired.
I love the cloak and the way it’s draped over his shoulder with his hair similarly flowing that side. He does have a coloured jacket on but I’m assuming that’s some sort of uniform or the colour means something in his SCA group. The pose is fantastic. There’s no smiling but he is is in daylight.
3.95 out of 5 - Be proud of your weapon no matter what
Dana writes “This is my high school senior pic, class of 2001”.
So, do you North-Americans get to choose the photo you have published in your year book or something? Can you choose a photo of yourself brooding and looking a bit Neo-esque up a tree with your coat-tails hanging down? If so, that’s pretty awesome. I live in Australia and you certainly could never do that kind of thing at my school but then again I went to a private school with a very strict dress code where the most exciting thing around was that girls could choose to wear the uniform pants or skirt. OMG PANTS. Not both at once though, as I found out.
I like that this person is looking pretty nonchalant about the situation especially as the branch that is supporting them is a bit twiggy. I’m glad they’re fully covered in black and sporting sunglasses. I love the ‘I’m growing my hair long but it’s not there yet’ style bob. They’re not smiling but it is daylight, although I can’t imagine one would be allowed to use a night time shot in a year book.
Marzanna submitted this photo with the caption “Chimera, the Suessy goth.”
So here we have a Suessy Goth. What an excellent Goth sub-group to belong to. Personally, I’m a Grug Goth (non-Australians, look up ‘Grug’). Ok that’s a lie, but that would be cool. Grug Goths would just go shopping and learn stuff like dancing, cooking, and swimming, you know, life skills.
I am glad we have a photo of a Goth reading up a tree because, really, it’s a great place to read and we’re all for promoting literacy, not that that’s something you usually have to promote to the Goth community but some of those younguns hAv AloT Ov pRobleMz wiV speLiN N sHiZ. Do the kids still do that? I don’t know anything any more.
This Goth looks nice and rugged up and ready for extreme up-tree reading. I’m assuming she’s reading ‘The Lorax’ because that’s all about trees and the environment and stuff. She’s not smiling and it is daylight but it’s a bit difficult to read up a tree at night unless it’s by candle light and then there’s the potential for burning down your perch.
Freebird submitted this photo with the comment “This is my husband, when he was a goth, up a tree. It’s a long time ago now, but he just does it so well!”
WOW, he certainly does do it well. That hair! Those pants! That tree! The trees in the background! How could this get any better?
I’m trying to get over the seriously awesome Robert Smith style hair to no avail. And what the hell is going on with those impressive pants? Do they have a name? No, not Barry, smartarse. I asked my friends what this style of pants is called and got varied responses: Goth hammer pants, grumpy pants, parachute pants, clown pants, kinda like harem pants but not as harem-y, fishermen’s pants. Very helpful, friends. I like the cropped jacket too. The whole thing is just that little bit cooler with the old battered negative effect.
He looks like he climbed the tree to get a better vantage point to find something (a pants sale?) There’s no smiling here but it is daytime.
drawingsofclass submitted this photo with the caption: “Hi! This is me when I was 17 for a band shoot for my old band which was called SkinKruel. I had to pose up a tree in some woods… “
I like the look in this lady’s eye. It says “Yes, I’m up in this tree. What of it?” There’s a slight suggesting of “I may well throw a stick at you if you continue staring”. I’m a fan of a stripy socks with Docs (who isn’t?). I would’ve liked to have seen an instrument if this was a band shot (apparently this young lady plays bass). We’ve never had a band shot where an instrument was visible and that would make me truly happy to see. Extra points for full drum kits. It’s daylight but she’s not smiling.
Burnedisthehouse submitted this photo with no caption.
Here we have the Goth version of Little Red Riding Hood up a tree. What is she looking for? One would assume wolves but I’m assuming Grandmothers because I always found the Grandmother more terrifying than the big bad wolf. That’s mainly because the wolf was a cross-dresser and they’re not scary but the Grandmother was a bit, well, silly. I mean, really, how could you confuse a wolf for your Granddaughter? Seriously. I know taking fairy tales literally is pointless and if we were going continue down that path we’d have to discuss talking wolves, and dim-witted little girls as well. So we’ll just leave it at cross-dressing wolves and move on.
I love the riding-hood. I LOVE her hair colour. Excellent excellent boot action. There’s no smiling. It is daylight but I hear wolves only cross-dress in daylight.
4 out of 5 - Search for your Grandmother-eating cross-dressing wolf
This seriously looks like a Goth version of a guy I went to school with. He was a jock, though, and you don’t often hear of high-school jocks evolving to Goths very frequently. I have seen Goths becoming more sporty as they get older but only so they can maintain their emaciated physique because sitting around eating cheese and drinking copious amounts of vodka starts catching up with you *sigh*. We have a name for these Goths with an interest in being fit: SportsGoths. Many of my friends are SportsGoths. Fuck yeah, SPORTSGOTHS.
Enough about physical activity, here we have a peak-a-boo Goth up tree shot. It reminds me a bit of the Goth Comin’ atcha shot from a few weeks a go but this is less aggressive. I think he even has his eyes closed. So perhaps to maximise the shock and confusion of passers by, he makes it look like he’s asleep in the tree. It is daylight but he’s not smiling.
Yet another excellent photo of a Goth girl up a tree. This one looks a tiny bit scared, like a little Goth Ewok chased up a tree by some Stormtroopers. I mean she doesn’t actually look like an Ewok at all. She looks cute though and that’s all I can think of at the moment when I think ‘cute’ and ‘tree’. There’s clearly something wrong with my brain.
The photo is very moody, with the light shining through the trees. She’s not smiling and I wouldn’t say it was daylight. Probably dusk. I can’t get a good view of what she’s wearing but she’s definitely fully clothed in black and there’s a bit of a suggestion of lace. We can’t go past a bit of lace here, friends. Lace is where it’s at (although does have the propensity to get snagged but don’t get me started on snagging).
4.5 out of 5 - Hide from Stormtroopers if you value your lace.
Chrissy submitted this photo with the comment “Roslyn Chapel, Scotland”. I looked up Rosyln Chapel and all I found was a pretty amazing mid-15th Century church with no mention of trees. Then I thought that maybe this particular Goth is named Roslyn Chapel and she also lives in Scotland, much like the church, which is a possibility but might be a bit confusing for people going to visit her. Unless she also lived at the Chapel…
Anyway, whoever she is/wherever she is she’s looking mighty happy astride her branch. There’s sunlight on her face so I’m hoping her foundation has a considerable SPF. Her skirt is very cute but, yet again, I’m worried her stockings will become snagged on the branch and cause an embarrassing ladder situation. She doesn’t care. Perhaps this person has a magical anti-snag force-field that surrounds her. Nothing would be more useful to Goths who like to climb trees (apart from a grappling hook, a litre of sunscreen and a hydration pack full of vodka).
3.5 out of 5 - Protective anti-snag force-fields make for happy Goths up trees.