fluxmorz submitted these photos with the comment “Here is my sister and 3 friends at my friend’s wedding. [The first photo has] a hidden goth at the top.  [The second photo is of] my sister with a boyfriend growing from her head. He’s not aware he is a growth. There were platform shoes that don’t have heels (kinda like hooves, really) but in order to capture the disgusting head-growth, they got left out.”

YES. Goth wedding photos up trees!  These have it all: spectacular posing particularly from the bride, gorgeous goth wedding attire, excessive tree height by the “disgusting head-growth” *ahem*, minimal smiling (the bridesmaid is smiling in the first photo but she’s made up for it in the second).  Above all, I appreciate that they have risked ruining their wedding clothes to climb up and have these photos taken on their day of days!  It’s a pity it’s daylight but I suppose night wedding shots might be a bit much to ask.

4.9 out of 5 - I now pronounce you goth and tree.

Thom Capetanelis submitted this photo with the comment “Love the page, hope our picture makes the grade. Bonus: this was taken in a cemetery”.

Nicely done, boys.  Let’s use the scorecard method of analysis (using a ‘†’ symbol as a check-mark because it’s more goff and I can’t find a tick symbol):

1. Looking surly - †
2. High up a tree - †
3. Gothed up - †
4. Minimal daylight  - FAIL *tsk tsk*
5. Bonus points - † (wintry skeletal trees, double goth action, cemetery [reported but no evidence shown], boots, excellent hair on one, crotch displaying on one, page love)

4.8 out of 5 -  ††††  = a fence

nemotheviking submitted this photo with no comment.

Our young gothlings here have gone to the trouble of showing us two aspects of their up-tree escapades: one demonstrating one goth cavorting on a branch with a friendly supporting cast member leaning on the same branch, and the other showing the excellent up-tree height a goth has achieved.  Using my (currently wine-impaired) powers of observation, it looks like there are three separate goths in two separate photos.  DILEMMA.  I suppose I’ll have to judge the submission as a whole.

So, of the up-trees, there’s no real smiling but there’s definite amusement in the left goth.  The right goth is high up the tree and the left goth is medium-high.   They’re out in daylight but it’s not sunny and they’re well covered up.  Bonus points for cute outfits, boots and hair.   The supporting cast member looks surlier than the up-trees, which is disappointing. 

4.7 out of 5 - Please ensure your supporting cast member’s surliness levels are not greater than your up-tree’s

rowanjaardvark submitted this photo with the caption “Circa 2005 from a Goth Meetup in the botanic gardens.”

At least we have a reason for the smiles of these 6 goths up a tree as clearly they are flouting the rules of the local botanic gardens.  This could be the last known photo of a now extinct tree due to the goth infestation of 2005!

My favourite goth is, obviously, the guy who looks like he’s going in to bite the neck, wampire style, of the bespectacled goth.  I’m also very fond of the less goth person in the top right who is mostly obscured by a branch. I’m sure the conversation went something like “you can’t be in the photo in jeans like THOSE, Terry, they’re not even Lip Service. What were you thinking?”  It looks like Terry is sticking his/her middle finger up in defiance.  Good on you, Terry. There’s a lot of smiling and it’s a blurry photo but they’re a decent height in the tree and in the shade.

4.5 out of 5 - Bonus points for the volume of goths and for poor old Terry.

Catt** submitted this photo with the comment “This is Ruth, David and I up a tree.  It is daylight but I am hoping to get extra points as it was taken during the Whitby Goth Festival (and Pannet Park closes its gates at sundown).”

Oh yes, my friends, you definitely get extra points for being at Whitby.  There are so many things to like about this photo of 3 fine goths that I feel like listing them:

• two visible pairs of New Rocks,
• pale, hairy, goth boy legs peaking out of a kilt,
• a top hat,
• a sleepy goth,
• no smiling,
• they’re high up the tree,
• they’re at Whitby,
• there’s a bike rack,
• it looks like twilight and it’s dark enough for a flash to be used.

4.95 out of 5 - Well done, friends.  Well done. 

Suzanne submitted this photo and 8 others with the comment

ok so we were hanging out in our city and one of my friends jumps up in a tree and my sister says that i should take a picture and send it to goths up trees. my friends didnt know it so we told them. when they heard that there was extra points for being in a cemetery we immediately went to one and took some more pictures. i couldnt decide what one was the best so i just sent them all to you and figured you would choose wisely :3

I’m glad these goths sought out a cemetery because I haven’t had many cemetery submissions lately and it has made me vaguely uncomfortable (either that or I’ve eaten some gluten recently).  However, their cemetery photo was too bloody blurry for me to use.  *sigh*

In this photo, we have two goth kids up a tree and one non-goth supporting cast member.  The up-trees are quite high up and are executing the patented goth-kid-crouch with finesse.  They’re not smiling but it’s day time.

4.3 out of 5 - Pity about the blurriness of the cemetery picture. It could have been so beautiful.

I submitted this photo with the comment: “me and me mates up some trees”

Happy Goth Christmas everyone! Yes, yes, some people call it Halloween but it’s actually Goth Christmas to those in the know (all 20 of us).  Like a big goth satan santa, I bring you 7 goths up 3 trees (and one supporting cast member pretending to be a rock)!  You will notice that some are in Halloween costume; you can see the Mad Hatter there but there’s also the Terminator and an absinthe fairy hiding in the trees.  It’s hard to get a good idea of who’s smiling and who’s just complaining that they’re being spiked in the bum by a branch, but you try and keep your friends still at a 3am post-goth-club gathering up trees after you’ve plied them with absinthe.  Bonus points given for everything.

5 out of 5 - 7 goths up 3 trees.  Try and beat that.

Blood Puppet submitted this photo with the comment:  “This is an entire goth band in a tree circa 1993. Sure, the keyboardist is smiling but the bassist is in considerable pain taking almost her entire body weight on her sensitive stomach across the arching trunk.”

The best thing about this photo is the curly haired guy up the tree because I KNOW HIM.  In fact, I used to co-manage a goth club with him back in the early 2000s and here’s the tragic proof from 2003 (don’t bother asking what I’m wearing - I’d come straight from work for the photo).  This band is called Blood Puppet and I can attest to their gothness because I have been lectured about it for years in the “oh you should have been around in the good old days” kind of way. I don’t know the submitter, though, so I doubt she knows that I know the curly up-tree.

I’m pretty upset with my mate up the tree because I have never seen him smile like that.  Ever.  At least the rest of them aren’t smiling.  It’s daylight and there’s at least two up the tree at a reasonable height.

4 out of 5 - Cronyism is alive and well in Goths Up Trees land.

DJ Nocturna submitted this photo with the comment:

“The 3rd Annual MISS VAMP HAWAII 2012 Beauty Pageant will take place on Friday, October 12, 2012 at the historic Hawaii Theatre. 15 beautiful vampires will grace the stage with their talents, Q&A, Moon bathing competition and more. Who would ever think you would find vampires in Hawaii, or as Nick Cave might say the other place “where the sun shines” and let alone a vampire beauty pageant in Hawaii.”

That’s a whole lot of Hawaiian goth ladies up one (albeit dead) tree. 8 in total. 8!  And then there’s the 3 supporting cast members who are just hanging out, looking supportive and a bit annoyed.  I have complete respect for goths who live in warmer climes.  It takes a lot of dedication to maintain gothic composure while you’re sweating torrents underneath your corset and your eyeshadow creases as soon as you put it on. I’m confused by the concept of a vampire beauty pageant (then again, I’m confused by the concept of a beauty pageant in general).  Does everyone put in fake fangs and answer questions important to vampires like ‘how would you cure the world of anaemia?’ or ‘if you could eat one world leader who would it be and why?’ or ‘how much do you hate that sparkly whinger?’.

This photo looks like it was taken at night time but there’s a distinct air of photoshop about it and I can’t tell if it’s authentic or not.  Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt.  Not one of them is smiling but I’m guessing vampire beauty pageant entrants never smile.  The 8 up the tree are quite high and there’s a variety of poses and facial expressions, my favourite one being the girl who looks like she’s just had her hair pulled by one of the other contestants.  I’m guessing it was the one directly behind her with the blonde hair as she’s looking pretty triumphant.

5 out of 5 - Oh my goth!

Marge submitted this photo with the comment “Here’s one from the Spring bank holiday net.goth picnic in 1997.. it was Thomas’ birthday, he’s the one in the white shirt on the right of the middle standing group, looking to his left. It’s Chris, Kieran and Charles in the tree on this occasion, and I’m sitting at the front, on your left. :)”

Another submission for the net.goth up-tree series! We haven’t had a group photo for a while so this makes me happy.  There’s quite a bit of smiling going on, but I imagine that’s because this group of netgoths only ventures out to see each other and this tree once a year and, lets face it, everyone needs to exercise their facial muscles now and then (and smiling looks far less ridiculous than facial yoga). 

The up-trees are looking intimidating. I’d like to think other people wanted to get up the tree but these three said ‘no’ in their best bouncer voices and tried to take up as much space as possible by stretching out.  It looks like a summery day but they’re mostly in the shade.  The supporting cast are interesting, as always. It’s Thomas’ birthday which is why he is excused from looking at the camera.  I think that guy second from the left is wearing a cape.  Bonus points for cape-wearers. Always.

4.5 out of 5 - I wonder if these net.goth dwellers still meet at this sacred tree?   I think we need a log (get it!) of coordinates of good trees to climb.

strixxintransition submitted this photo and one other with the comment

So on World Goth day, my friends and I decided to have a cemetery party to commemorate. And then we found this tree…

Here are 2 photos that came out of the festivities. One is a more accurate “up” tree pose, while the second is pretty impressive in the “Tree” and “goth” scale but a lot less Up and more around. But we’re Goths! We are up! And that sure is a tree.

Absolutely stellar work, friends.  What an excellent way to celebrate World Goth Day!  Personally, I was swilling vodka from a skull while sitting in a rose bush (well, I fell in a rose bush and couldn’t be bothered getting out).

This photo is an excellent example of goths banding together to achieve up-tree greatness.  Here we have a combination of 7 goths/goth-compatible-types high up massive tree with 6 supporting cast members, with one in particular striking an impressive pose with a cane.  It’s night time and there’s no smiling.  I like the variety of summery goth outfits and I’m very glad of the decent quality photos.  I think this photo gets the award for most up-trees in one photo.  Top marks.

5 out of 5 - Great things are achieved by goth who cooperate.

camarorush submitted this photo with the comment “The evening was dreary, depressing even. The graveyard was almost devoid of victims to bewitch: practically vacant. Yet there was nowhere but up for our coven’ to go, up trees….”

4 goths high up a tree in a graveyard at night time and none of them are smiling! *JOY* These guys sent me two other photos as well which you really should look at because they’re just as great and feature different goths. 

The red lighting is particularly effective here and like the white light on the leaves.   There’s a good variety of poses and facial expressions on the goths.  I suspect that these guys have gothed up for the occasion which is one of the best things about their submission, I think.  I may be wrong about this, of course, as my gothdar is calibrated to Level 2 Extreme Caffeine mode at the moment which has an error margin of +/-10 goth points.  They’ve done well, no matter what.

5 out of 5 - Well done, friends.  You’ve made me proud.  You should have some absinthe tonight to celebrate your up-tree achievement.

I’m having a sale on my t-shirts.  Why? Because I have a headache and I have run out of black washing detergent.  So, use this 20% off discount code: gothsneedshirts when you check out and you too can have this stylish and good quality t-shirt and become the totally uber goth you were meant to be at a discounted price. 

Go to the shop right now! Quick, before it’s too late!  I ship internationally, of course, and every t-shirt gets free stickers to enable you to create interesting hats for your dog.  The coupon expires 23 July 2012. 

20% off sale = 5 goths up a tree with 1 having a branch obscuring his face.

Die submitted this photo with the comment “This is the entirety of Zombina and the Skeletones in various stages of up-ness of a tree in about 1999.
The tree is admittedly fallen and it is daylight, but conversely it is also a dead tree and it is in a graveyard, so swings and roundabouts, eh?”

Swings and roundabouts indeed.  To be honest, the volume of goth excellence in this photo provided by the up-trees and the supporting cast vastly outweighs any potential issues I have with fallen trees.   The tree is quite massive so there are at least three goths high up it.  There isn’t much smiling going on, thankfully, and the up-tree goth in the centre (with the excellent boots) is looking at the photographer like she wishes they were dead.  I’d like to know what the guy up the top is pointing at.  My guess is the photographer just made a terrible joke like: ‘What do you get if you cross a goth and a toilet? The cisterns of mercy.’  and the pointing guy is very much ‘LEAVE NOW’.  Yeah, I’d leave now if I were the photographer. That joke was terrible.

It’s daylight, but there’s a boy with a skeleton t-shirt and a fez in the supporting cast.  Take that.

4.9 out of 5 - Cisterns of Mercy! hahaahha

Elois submitted these photos with the comment “Hello! This photos from our project “Steampunk Alice from Wonderland” by 8MebiusCats. Here we have: Hatter, Red Queen and Cheshire mad Rabbit.”

Cheshire mad rabbit? Fair enough. I’m not going to argue with steampunk enthusiasts because I’ve argued with them enough in my imagination (which is great because it’s a pretty one sided argument where I inevitably end up shout things like “brown is ugly” and “stick a cog on this *displays middle finger*”). 

Enough about my imaginary arguments, let’s look at the photos at hand.  The red queen/hatter photo is predictably my favourite due to the lack of smiling and both characters being up the tree.  They look relatively high and, for steampunk enthusiasts, well dressed.  It’s daylight but I never see steampunk people out at night time so perhaps they all have to be in bed at a certain hour.

4.5 out of 5 - I’m going to be a Cheshire mad rabbit when I grow up.

Also, I’ve nearly sold out in a few sizes of the t-shirts so if you’re going to get one, get in quick because it will be a while before I can restock all the sizes.