Alastair Appleby submitted this photo with the comment “Whilst taking our Grandson to a park I saw this tree and thought let`s go for it, your only young twice, even though I was wearing my new Sacrosanct Festival Tee shirt, I might even be the eldest Goth on here.”
I’m pretty sure this guy is the eldest goth on here. He’s definitely the only one that has a grandchild (that I know of, kiddy goths these days can procreate young). I’m attributing the out of focus photo to the fact that the eldergoth photographer forgot their glasses, so we’re lucky that the goth up the tree was in the frame at all.
I can’t wait until I’m an eldergoth so I can wear prescription black sclera contact lenses with my gravity affected droopy tattoos and piercings, platform boots (with no tread) and my all-black outfit to lawn bowls. I’ll be all ‘In your face, lawn bowls authorities’, and then I’ll bite into a fake blood capsule and then spit my false teeth at them.
Back to the goth at hand, he’s high up the tree so bonus ‘oh my aching knees’ points for that. He has a slight smile on his face but we’re going to ignore that. He’s out in daylight but it’s an overcast looking day. Many bonus points for eldergoth-ness and festival attendance. Rock.
4.5 out of 5 - Respect your eldergoths
Sam B submitted this photo with the comment “At Burning Man I found a tree made of bones (real ones, not casts!), nothing for it but to get a photo. Sadly I couldn’t climb it as the tree would not have stood up to it well. Please excuse the dust, it un-blackened my clothing.”
Yes, yes, he’s not up the tree but the tree is made of real bones! I want a tree made of bones! I could make one from chicken bones from last night’s roast but it would be a very small tree. Hold on, I could make a chicken bone Christmas tree! YES
Our goth here is as far up his tree as he can be in the circumstances. It’s night time and he’s not smiling. Bonus points for one of the gothest trees I’ve seen yet. The concept of a goth attending Burning Man intrigues me but I’m making the assumption that this goth only emerges from his tent at night thereby avoiding all that nasty sun.
3.99 out of 5 - One chicken bone Christmas tree coming right up.
Dan submitted this photo with the comment:
“This is a photo of my friend Dave up a tree in Harlow town park. Our band Surrender The Coast were on tour and had some time to kill before our show in Harlow that night so we went for a walk and spotted the opportunity. I think he looks rather deep in thought.”
I suspect he’s deep in thought about how he can increase his hardcore-ness level beyond Level 3: ‘In a band with a totally hardcore name’. I would suggest some tattoos, maybe a flesh tunnel or two. I think we can safely say that this guy is more hardcore/metalcore than goth but, you know, to the untrained eye all those bloody black-wearing kids look the same. He’s high up the tree, he’s not smiling and he’s in the shade on an overcast looking day. Bonus points because I’ve been on holiday and I’m feeling generous.
3.4 out of 5 - Stop taking advantage of my holiday-induced generosity.
[edited because even I thought I was too generous]
glendon-allens-monster submitted this photo with the comment “Me up a tree in Oakwood Cemetery”
Glendon here has done a top job with this one. He’s found a tree that some moron with a swiss army knife defaced with uber profound words that make me want to stab myself in the eye with my stylus. I must restrain myself, however, for the sake of the trees… and my fellow goths.
Our goth here is high up the tree, he’s not smiling, and he’s in the shade, although it is daylight. He hasn’t given me a location because there are approximately 20 million cemeteries in the world called ‘Oakwood’, which would be disappointing if I cared in the slightest.
4.6 out of 10 - Scar yourself not trees.
Stein submitted this photo with the comment “Saw this tree when I went to Suomenlinna just outside Helsinki, and could not resist climbing it :D”
I’m imagining this guy being drawn towards the tree against his will, trying desperately to resist and then just surrendering himself in a flurry of leaves, bondage straps and spikes. He looks a bit happy about surrendering to the tree but I think we’d all be pretty impressed about being up a tree in a bloody great sea fortress in Finland.
Our goth boy has managed to climb to a good height up the tree without snagging his bondage straps or messing up his hair. He’s mostly in the shade despite the daylight. He isn’t really smiling but he does look pretty happy with himself for making a rude hand gesture (or is he pretending he has scissors for fingers - I AM EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS).
4.7 out of 4 - Goths Up Trees: the least informative goth travel blog ever.
Ian submitted this photo with no comment.
These boys have both reached commendable tree heights in this picture but I don’t think they’re overly goth; perhaps more goth-compatible. I don’t know what it is about the top guy but his pose, his hair situation, or something reminds me of the most charming animal in the world, a sloth. Sloths must be mostly goth because they share 3 letters between them and they sit around in trees a lot. Yes, I’m struggling a bit here.
They’re not smiling and they’re both at an excellent height up the tree. Points for effort with the face paint and poses. It’s daylight and they’re out in the sun so points deducted there.
3 out of 5 - I FOUND SOME GOTH SLOTHS - here and here and this fine animated gif here
David Hanjani submitted this photo with no comment.
I suspect this person decided to put on all the black clothing they could find and climbed the tree while cleverly covering their face to ensure their co-workers wouldn’t recognise them at work in the morning. I could be wrong… nah.
For starters, his co-workers probably don’t read this blog (fools!). For main course, I can’t see his face so I can’t detect from his eyes whether he’s an authentic goff or not (yes, it’s my superpower and it’s on my résumé under ‘Other Skills’). For dessert, BLACK FOREST CAKE because it’s the gothest and tree-est dessert in the world. Hmmm black forest cake.
This potential once-off goth (OOG) has done well to cover nearly all skin in blackness, which is great. Excellent effort with the boots although they could be more stompy. I suspect he borrowed that scarf from his Mum but good on him for having a Mum with funky scarves. He’s high up the tree. Who knows if he’s smiling.
4 out of 5 - Black forest cake. Black forest cake. Black forest cake.
fangbrain submitted this photo with the comment “My Friend and I had been looking for some good trees to submit. We tried the local graveyard, but the tree we wanted to climb wasn’t very sturdy, and a huge tree we found in the middle of an old forest, well it was a pain in the ass to get to. So we got photos in the middle of a park.”
It warms the putrid old molluscs of my heart to know that this goth and his friend took the time to find the best tree in multiple locations, instead of just submitting any old crap tree and hoping for the best. I think you’ll all agree with me that this dedication to the cause has resulted in a very fine photo of a goth up a tree. He’s looking quite suave and nonchalant, like he was born to pose up trees. The tree is very sturdy looking and, as a result, our goth was able to climb high. It’s daylight but it’s an overcast day and our goth is in the shade.
4.8 out of 5 - Do your research and reap the up-tree rewards
Klaus Consine submitted this photo with the comment “this is the quintessence of your idea, i’m sure”.
A shadowy goth up a shadowy tree cast on a leafy, stony, root-covered ground. Yes, this is very pretty. We can’t see whether our goth is smiling, but we have to assume he has a shadow of a frown on his face. He is out in daylight, it’s true, but he’s a decent height up the tree.
4.75 out of 5 - You need light to make shadows. That’s deep, man.
Sam B. submitted this photo with the comment “One of the many photos of my friend some-what in a tree.”
The excellence of this photo overshadows the fact that Sam’s friend is only partially up the tree. He’s clearly in a cemetery, he’s not smiling and he’s gothed up to the max including some kind of fantastic armoured gloves, the ol’ rip offs of the pennangalan libby plate commando boots (I say that because I have the originals and I’m feeling sassy), a more than adequate amount of black eye makeup and a whole world of hardware on his person. I’m sure he hears the old favourite line by hilarious Dads everywhere: “I bet he has trouble getting through security at airports”. You know what, Dads everywhere? We put our clothes with lots of hardware in our luggage and we take our boots off in advance we don’t hold up the line because we’re POLITE. SO THERE.
It’s daylight but I love the fact that the sun is shining through his hair. I wish I could read what is written on the little sign on the tree. I suspect it’s “Reserved for goths”.
4.5 out of 5 - So much potential here
I’m having a 30% off sale on my T-shirts because I’ve nearly sold out! First in, most goth, I say. Use the code 100percentgoth at http://shop.gothsuptrees.net for the discount.
Mark Nelson submitted this photo with no comment.
I like the look of concentration on this goth’s face. It’s as if he’s pulling some rAd sk8R trick on a stump. I have no idea what is going on with his hair/head wear. Is that a hat? Some sort of religious head wear? Part of his brain showing through? No idea.
He gets bonus points for balancing between two trees. He’s a reasonable height up his stump/tree combo. He’s not smiling but it’s daylight. I can’t really get a good idea of how goth his outfit is but it looks nice and dark at least.
3 out of 5 - Balancing between trees is serious business.
ethan submitted this photo with no comment.
Clearly, no comment was required for this photo. No decent flash was required either, apparently, because we can see all we need to see;
- a surly goth boy,
- up a tree,
- at a decent height,
- AT NIGHT TIME.
He has just enough light to reflect off his pale skin and his tapetum lucidum (don’t say I don’t teach you stuff). Bonus points for the vaguely black metal pose.
5 out of 5 - Yes.
billytalented95 submitted this photo with the comment “me and my friend Josh at a photoshop for our goth/horror/punk band SAVING ROSE ^^ featuring us up trees!”
Here are a serious couple of guys hanging out with their local tree. I’m struggling to keep this one clean due to the phallic nature of the branch the up-tree is sitting astride. I mean, really. I want to make filthy jokes but I know my Mum reads this (HI MUM). Bonus points are definitely due for keeping such earnest expressions in the circumstances. The up-tree is a reasonable height up the tree. He looks more goth and is holding his own (HA!) against the supporting cast member. It’s a sunny day but they’re in the shade.
4.2 out of 5 - Please ask permission before resting on another man’s branch.
twinsfactory submitted this photo with the comment “Hi! It´s me a few years ago! I hope you like it! twinsFactory
Here’s an obscenely happy goth up a tree. I assume that he is visibly pleased because he has escaped the damaging rays of the sun and not because he’s just a happy-go-lucky, mirrored-sunnies-wearing kinda guy who loves ducklings, faux fur cushions, crème de menthe, and climbs trees for the sheer enjoyment of it.
He’s high up the tree and he’s in the shade despite the sunny day. The obscene amount of smiling is getting me down, but bonus points for boots, hair, and mirrored sunglasses.
4.3 out of 5 - My browser’s spell checker suggests that “mirrored-sunnies” should be changed to “ground-squirrel”. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
Thom Capetanelis submitted this photo with the comment “Love the page, hope our picture makes the grade. Bonus: this was taken in a cemetery”.
Nicely done, boys. Let’s use the scorecard method of analysis (using a ‘†’ symbol as a check-mark because it’s more goff and I can’t find a tick symbol):
- Looking surly - †
- High up a tree - †
- Gothed up - †
- Minimal daylight - FAIL *tsk tsk*
- Bonus points - † (wintry skeletal trees, double goth action, cemetery [reported but no evidence shown], boots, excellent hair on one, crotch displaying on one, page love)
4.8 out of 5 - †††† = a fence