ethan submitted this photo with no comment.

Clearly, no comment was required for this photo. No decent flash was required either, apparently, because we can see all we need to see;

• a surly goth boy,
• up a tree,
• at a decent height,
• AT NIGHT TIME. 

He has just enough light to reflect off his pale skin and his tapetum lucidum (don’t say I don’t teach you stuff). Bonus points for the vaguely black metal pose.

5 out of 5 - Yes.

billytalented95 submitted this photo with the comment “me and my friend Josh at a photoshop for our goth/horror/punk band SAVING ROSE ^^ featuring us up trees!”

Here are a serious couple of guys hanging out with their local tree.  I’m struggling to keep this one clean due to the phallic nature of the branch the up-tree is sitting astride.  I mean, really.  I want to make filthy jokes but I know my Mum reads this (HI MUM).  Bonus points are definitely due for keeping such earnest expressions in the circumstances.  The up-tree is a reasonable height up the tree.   He looks more goth and is holding his own (HA!) against the supporting cast member.  It’s a sunny day but they’re in the shade. 

4.2 out of 5 - Please ask permission before resting on another man’s branch.

twinsfactory submitted this photo with the comment “Hi! It´s me a few years ago! I hope you like it! twinsFactory

Thom Capetanelis submitted this photo with the comment “Love the page, hope our picture makes the grade. Bonus: this was taken in a cemetery”.

Nicely done, boys.  Let’s use the scorecard method of analysis (using a ‘†’ symbol as a check-mark because it’s more goff and I can’t find a tick symbol):

1. Looking surly - †
2. High up a tree - †
3. Gothed up - †
4. Minimal daylight  - FAIL *tsk tsk*
5. Bonus points - † (wintry skeletal trees, double goth action, cemetery [reported but no evidence shown], boots, excellent hair on one, crotch displaying on one, page love)

4.8 out of 5 -  ††††  = a fence

yourforeverdeadinmyeyes submitted this photo with the comment “Emily here, this is my lovely partner Jade”

He is lovely, Emily, but is he up a tree?  He’s definitely near the tree and there seems to be a headstone in the background for bonus cemetery points, but I can hardly allocate height points when I suspect his two feet are on the cold, hard ground.  He’s not smiling, thank the almighty bob, but he has dappled light on his skin.  I hope he’s wearing some 30+.  Bonus points for guyliner, cemetery and pretty hair.

2.95 out of 5 - I love it AND hate it when boys have prettier hair than I do.

Oil Spleen submitted this photo and one other with the comment “My nieces Matilda and Amelie came to see my band Pink Narcissus at Meadowlands Festival and after the gig we climbed this tree. I thought we all look particularly moody in this picture.”

It’s good to see a goth educating his younger relatives about the age old up-tree tradition.  It’s one of the important aspect of ‘turning’ younger relatives to the dark side when their brains are pliable in the hope that they take up the panne velvet mantle of gothness in your family. 

The first photo is the one I’m going to score, even if the linked one is clearer.  There’s no smiling in the goth or the goths-in-training.  They’re high up the tree.  It’s daylight but they’re in the shade. There seems to be a goth-child apparition on the right for added spookiness.

4.3 out of 5 - Bonus points for educating the youngins in the ways of music festivals and gothness.

Paul submitted this photo with no comment.

Yes, yes, I know that Paul here isn’t up a tree, but I really do like the effort he has gone to in his submission.  He has made tree-touching sound risqué yet full of health benefits. Great! I secretly love the way he has misspelt ‘strength’ but I suspect that English is his second language, so that’s probably very mean of me.

Our goth is nicely gothed up and is not smiling.  He does not score well for tree height but, against my better judgement, I’m giving him points for at least having his hat up the tree.  He’s not smiling, there’s sunlight in his hair but it looks as though the sun is going down.

1.5 out of 5 - Trees give strenght but only if you get up them.

Lisa Mattina submitted this photo with the comment “Chris loves his Viewfinder.”

Who doesn’t love their View-Master? I didn’t have one as a child but I’m pretty sure you put in a slide reel to make them work.  Unless, of course, you want to see nothing but the images your beautiful imagination creates, in which case you don’t need a reel *ahem*. 

This is another cow-hating goth guy who adorns himself in the skin of dead cows (or he could be wearing the skin of the rare and endangered polyester beast, it’s hard to tell from this angle).  He looks to be a good height up the tree and he’s not smiling as he’s clearly concentrating on viewing Things™ through his View-Master.  It’s daylight but it’s overcast.

4 out of 5 - It could be that he is using his View-Master as an x-ray vision device and he’s spying on the local birds (HA).

Jonathan Hepburn submitted this photo with the comment “We had a ball to go to. So we decided to take photos beforehand, or we wouldn’t get any decent ones. So there was a tree in the park that had just fallen over …”

Oh, Jonathan. This is a glorious thing of gothic/Scotch up-tree beauty!  Through the glare we can see he’s looking imposing in his finery.  I particularly like the goth version of the jacket and the ghillie brogues.  I find all that up-leg lacing very fetching.  There are all the obvious questions about what a Scotsman wears under his kilt and, being of Scottish decent, I can tell you that this man IS COMPLETELY NUDE.  Actually, I have no idea.  It’s a bit weird speculating whether a man in that particular pose is wearing undies or not. So, let’s put that thought out of our minds and concentrate on all that flouncy lace, up-leg lacing and general splendour.

He’s a low/medium height up the tree.  He’s definitely not smiling but there’s no doubt that it’s a sunny day.  Bonus points for being alive.

4.5 out of 5 - I’m sure he has the blackest undies he could find on.

haploschaffer submitted this photo with the comment “I did this pic specially for this tumblr :D.”

It’s heart-warming to know that there are goth boys in the world doing things especially for me.  Unfortunately, my cold dead heart isn’t used to sudden changes in temperature and I have been forced to try and bring it back to normal by sitting in the toilet at work and reciting poetry about how I am actually alone in this vast frigid abyss even if people are taking photos of themselves up trees for me.

Our fine goth boy is high up a tree in a pleasantly decay-filled autumnal setting.  He’s not smiling (just) and he’s mostly covered from the sun’s evil rays. Bonus points for outfit excellence.

4.7 out of 5 - Warming the heart of a goth isn’t advisable unless you want them to move away from you in a rapid fashion.

Brian John Mitchell from Remora showing his Goths Up Trees loving self.  I know it’s probably some eyeliner away from a perfect score….

Maaaaaate, while I heartily approve of your blatant promotion of the site/t-shirt and the effort you’ve gone to display your crotch high up a tree at night time while not smiling, if you love Goths Up Trees that much you would have known not to wear blue pants for fear of incurring my wrath!  At least they’re not denim, but REALLY!  I’m appalled.  This is my appalled face:  >;-{  HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?

4.85 out of 5 - It’s true, some eyeliner would have helped your cause but I just can’t bring myself to give you a perfect score because of your silly blue pants.  Try again and add more gothness.

danceyrselffitter submitted this photo with the comment “Jack up a tree in Manchester”.

It’s really difficult to keep a straight face when you’re up a tree, apparently.  This makes me a bit upset and you should never feel a bit upset at this time of year unless, of course, you’ve had a few too many gins, and then it’s perfectly acceptable. 

This could have been a truly great picture, you know?  Our goth is well dressed, he’s in the shade, he’s a good height up a tree, and the tree is in a picturesque autumnal setting.  Unfortunately, no one can deny that he has a bit of a smile on his face.  *sigh*

4.4 out of 5 - Stop bloody smiling

Varick submitted this photo with no comment and I think you’ll all agree that a goth high up a tree with a sword requires no comment.

Here we have another fine addition to the goth male up a tree with a sword category.  Initially I thought this had been edited to look like it was taken at night, but I think it’s genuine and has a funky filter on it to make it look more dramatic (or I’m completely wrong and someone will tell me off.) 

Our goth is high up the tree and he’s not smiling.  We can tell he hates cows with all that leather he’s wearing.  I like that he has included a hat in his sword-wielding-up-trees ensemble as it’s shading his face from the moon’s damaging rays.  Bonus points for everything.

5 out of 5 - Cow-hating, sword-wielding, tree-loving goths unite!

askproxytaker submitted this photo with the comment “My goth friend up in a tree :I”

Put your hand up if you don’t appreciate boys in eyeliner!  Oh, look at that, no one put their hand up (at least in my field of vision). Yes that’s right, friends, it’s a scientific fact* that the world would be a better place if more boys wore eyeliner.  This goth here is doing his bit for world betterment and he’s doing it up a tree.  Saying that, the hoodie is not my preferred accompaniment to eyeliner.  However, I understand its usefulness in providing shade, so it’s forgiven seeing as it’s a sunny day.  He’s not smiling and he’s a good height up the tree.

4.6 out of 5 - Three cheers for eyeliner!

* In a survey of goths and goth compatible types aged 21-33 within a 10 metre radius of me at a party a couple of weeks ago, 100% of respondents would have answered ‘yes’ had I asked them “should more boys wear eyeliner?” (which I didn’t because I already knew what they would respond with).

Arboreal anima submitted this photo with the comment “A recent camping trip.”

This goth has found himself a magnificent throne in a dead tree.  For a second there I thought that perhaps this was some kind of camping toilet situation but this is not the case (disappointing, but it’s probably for the best). 

He’s doing his best impression of The Thinker and I hope he’s having a good hard think about why he decided to wear tan coloured hiking boots when we all know that you can get black hiking boots these days.  He’s not smiling. He’s technically ‘up’ the tree as his weight is being supported by it.  He’s low in the tree and it’s daylight so points deducted there.

4 out of 5 - a dead tree throne would make a majestic outdoor loo.