Lee submitted this photo with the comment “This is my Goth friend Dan climbing a tree after a couple beverages. This was the first time he’d smiled in years, I guess climbing trees had that sort of effect on Goths”
As a fellow drunken goth, I am fully aware of the difficulty in maintaining a straight face when attempting inebriated up-treeness.  However, some uber goths manage it.  “How?” I hear you ask. Sometimes it’s practice, sometimes their facial muscles have atrophied, sometimes it’s the PVC gently tugging at a single pube, but mostly it’s just sheer force of uberness that gets them through. This guy sadly isn’t afflicted by uberness.
It’s night time and he’s clearly on the move between pubs.  I’m getting a more ‘hipster who wears black’ feel to his outfit instead of outright gothness, so points deducted there.  He’s hanging at a low height and he’s smiling like there’s no goth reputation to uphold tomorrow.
2.4 out of 5 - I don’t believe for a second that this is the first time this guy has smiled in years.  He looks like a habitual smiler.

Lee submitted this photo with the comment “This is my Goth friend Dan climbing a tree after a couple beverages. This was the first time he’d smiled in years, I guess climbing trees had that sort of effect on Goths”

As a fellow drunken goth, I am fully aware of the difficulty in maintaining a straight face when attempting inebriated up-treeness.  However, some uber goths manage it.  “How?” I hear you ask. Sometimes it’s practice, sometimes their facial muscles have atrophied, sometimes it’s the PVC gently tugging at a single pube, but mostly it’s just sheer force of uberness that gets them through. This guy sadly isn’t afflicted by uberness.

It’s night time and he’s clearly on the move between pubs.  I’m getting a more ‘hipster who wears black’ feel to his outfit instead of outright gothness, so points deducted there.  He’s hanging at a low height and he’s smiling like there’s no goth reputation to uphold tomorrow.

2.4 out of 5 - I don’t believe for a second that this is the first time this guy has smiled in years.  He looks like a habitual smiler.

Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “goth sloth.”
This photo had the makings of something truly beautiful but we’ve been let down, yet again, by the subject goth’s inability to control their facial muscles. I have a vast experience of hanging upside-down so I KNOW that you can stop yourself from smiling from this particular position.  Imitating a sloth is no excuse.
Despite the lack of control over the facial expression, the goth IS a medium height up the tree, they’re in a graveyard and it is definitely night time.  I’m impressed but it could have been so much more.
4.9 out of 5 -  Just remember that sloths only relieve themselves once a week.  If you’re trying to channel a sloth but in a goth fashion just think of how happy would you be if you only relieved yourself once a week and then represent that in a facial expression.

Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “goth sloth.”

This photo had the makings of something truly beautiful but we’ve been let down, yet again, by the subject goth’s inability to control their facial muscles. I have a vast experience of hanging upside-down so I KNOW that you can stop yourself from smiling from this particular position.  Imitating a sloth is no excuse.

Despite the lack of control over the facial expression, the goth IS a medium height up the tree, they’re in a graveyard and it is definitely night time.  I’m impressed but it could have been so much more.

4.9 out of 5 -  Just remember that sloths only relieve themselves once a week.  If you’re trying to channel a sloth but in a goth fashion just think of how happy would you be if you only relieved yourself once a week and then represent that in a facial expression.

Dorylini submitted this photo with the comment “it was raining, so we went to the graveyard, of course.”
My faith in the gothic subculture is being restored one goth up a tree (in a graveyard at night) at a time. This goth is showing particular dedication by enduring the elements to climb her tree (although apparently she chose the graveyard because it was raining, so is it dedication or a fondness for bark inflicted grazes?)   
Bonus points for the tree height, the lack of smile, the black velvet dress, the boots, and the mid-climb action shot.  The graveyard looks sufficiently eerie and this goth has made the up-tree experience look entirely natural.  
5 out of 5 - Why aren’t there any graveyards around my town with decent trees? WHY?

Dorylini submitted this photo with the comment “it was raining, so we went to the graveyard, of course.”

My faith in the gothic subculture is being restored one goth up a tree (in a graveyard at night) at a time. This goth is showing particular dedication by enduring the elements to climb her tree (although apparently she chose the graveyard because it was raining, so is it dedication or a fondness for bark inflicted grazes?)   

Bonus points for the tree height, the lack of smile, the black velvet dress, the boots, and the mid-climb action shot.  The graveyard looks sufficiently eerie and this goth has made the up-tree experience look entirely natural.  

5 out of 5 - Why aren’t there any graveyards around my town with decent trees? WHY?

Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “we went to a graveyard on a cold rainy evening, there’s no effect on the picture, the light was just weird colors. also possible ghost involvement.”
I find it difficult to be impressed these days due to the world being a constant source of disappointment to me, but this photo has genuinely impressed me.  For the first time in at least a year I nearly cracked a smile.  Not only is this goth up a tree in a cemetery but she’s there at night time, she’s not smiling and there’s eerie shit going on with the light. What can I say apart from 5 points, friends?  NOTHING.
5 out of 5 - Nothing else matters.

Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “we went to a graveyard on a cold rainy evening, there’s no effect on the picture, the light was just weird colors. also possible ghost involvement.”

I find it difficult to be impressed these days due to the world being a constant source of disappointment to me, but this photo has genuinely impressed me.  For the first time in at least a year I nearly cracked a smile.  Not only is this goth up a tree in a cemetery but she’s there at night time, she’s not smiling and there’s eerie shit going on with the light. What can I say apart from 5 points, friends?  NOTHING.

5 out of 5 - Nothing else matters.

madfishmonger submitted this photo with the comment “After the Grand and Gothic Ball, we went to the nearby graveyard and took some photos. My friend kept making me laugh, but I am trying to look gloomy; I didn’t want to lose points for smiling.”
What kind of friend tries to make a fellow goth smile whilst she’s up a tree and has all the elements of a 5 star photo going for her?  An inconsiderate friend who should probably be struck from the friends-list!  This goth isn’t strictly smiling but she does look amused.  She’s in a commanding pose and is well dressed for a Ball.  I particularly like the self-stripe theme to her outfit.  She’s high up the tree and it’s night time.  Top work.
4.98 out of 5 - Reassess friendships with sabotaging goths

madfishmonger submitted this photo with the comment “After the Grand and Gothic Ball, we went to the nearby graveyard and took some photos. My friend kept making me laugh, but I am trying to look gloomy; I didn’t want to lose points for smiling.”

What kind of friend tries to make a fellow goth smile whilst she’s up a tree and has all the elements of a 5 star photo going for her?  An inconsiderate friend who should probably be struck from the friends-list!  This goth isn’t strictly smiling but she does look amused.  She’s in a commanding pose and is well dressed for a Ball.  I particularly like the self-stripe theme to her outfit.  She’s high up the tree and it’s night time.  Top work.

4.98 out of 5 - Reassess friendships with sabotaging goths

kitty-katya submitted this photo with the comment “Here’s me at the uni ball last night after a little too much red wine. What you can’t see is this is in the cloisters of an old monastery.”
It’s true, I can’t see cloisters of an old monastery.  I also can’t see an unsmiling goth, a goth high up a tree, fairies, a bottle of absinthe, a plate of fish and chips, or a cemetery,   I would like to see all of those things right now.  However, I can see a lush goth (or a goth lush?) draped over a sparkly fairy-light laden tree.  Yes, she looks to have a smile on her face, but it’s the smile of the pleasantly drunk, so I’ll allow it. She hasn’t made much effort height-wise but there is always the chance of electrocution with fairy lights and no one likes to smell a crispy drunk goth (it’s all vinegar, patchouli, and chicken).  Nice boots, dress and mask.  Pity about the blurriness but bonus points for the night shot.
4.7 out of 5 - I’ve tried to pose drunk up a tree without smiling and even I struggle.

kitty-katya submitted this photo with the comment “Here’s me at the uni ball last night after a little too much red wine. What you can’t see is this is in the cloisters of an old monastery.”

It’s true, I can’t see cloisters of an old monastery.  I also can’t see an unsmiling goth, a goth high up a tree, fairies, a bottle of absinthe, a plate of fish and chips, or a cemetery,   I would like to see all of those things right now.  However, I can see a lush goth (or a goth lush?) draped over a sparkly fairy-light laden tree.  Yes, she looks to have a smile on her face, but it’s the smile of the pleasantly drunk, so I’ll allow it. She hasn’t made much effort height-wise but there is always the chance of electrocution with fairy lights and no one likes to smell a crispy drunk goth (it’s all vinegar, patchouli, and chicken).  Nice boots, dress and mask.  Pity about the blurriness but bonus points for the night shot.

4.7 out of 5 - I’ve tried to pose drunk up a tree without smiling and even I struggle.

Iana submitted this photo and two others with the comment:

Got drunk at a camping wedding and did not want to waste the opportunity to be up wild trees (as opposed to urban trees). I am attaching three incase you have a preference for one over the others. It was very dark, so I could not see wtf I was doing until she took the pictures. The first one is mid-climbing into the tree, the second one is the official “goth up a tree” take, and the third is not being able to figure out how to get down, properly stuck for moment, its so sad!

I found it difficult to choose the primary photo out of the three Iana sent me because the other two certainly have their charms. I chose this one because our goth isn’t smiling, she looks a tiny bit seedy (as one would when drunk at a camping wedding), and I like the mid-climb action shot.   She’s clearly a resourceful goth as she has found a chair to get a boost up into the tree to a decent height.  Bonus points for the night time shot, the goth’s very pretty hair colour and my favourite style combination of lacy/frilliness and stompy boots. 
5 out of 5 - Chairs don’t seem to help much when climbing out of a tree when drunk.

Iana submitted this photo and two others with the comment:

Got drunk at a camping wedding and did not want to waste the opportunity to be up wild trees (as opposed to urban trees). I am attaching three incase you have a preference for one over the others. It was very dark, so I could not see wtf I was doing until she took the pictures. The first one is mid-climbing into the tree, the second one is the official “goth up a tree” take, and the third is not being able to figure out how to get down, properly stuck for moment, its so sad!

I found it difficult to choose the primary photo out of the three Iana sent me because the other two certainly have their charms. I chose this one because our goth isn’t smiling, she looks a tiny bit seedy (as one would when drunk at a camping wedding), and I like the mid-climb action shot.   She’s clearly a resourceful goth as she has found a chair to get a boost up into the tree to a decent height.  Bonus points for the night time shot, the goth’s very pretty hair colour and my favourite style combination of lacy/frilliness and stompy boots.

5 out of 5 - Chairs don’t seem to help much when climbing out of a tree when drunk.

ethan submitted this photo with no comment.
Clearly, no comment was required for this photo. No decent flash was required either, apparently, because we can see all we need to see;
a surly goth boy,
up a tree,
at a decent height,
AT NIGHT TIME. 
He has just enough light to reflect off his pale skin and his tapetum lucidum (don’t say I don’t teach you stuff). Bonus points for the vaguely black metal pose.
5 out of 5 - Yes.

ethan submitted this photo with no comment.

Clearly, no comment was required for this photo. No decent flash was required either, apparently, because we can see all we need to see;

  • a surly goth boy,
  • up a tree,
  • at a decent height,
  • AT NIGHT TIME. 

He has just enough light to reflect off his pale skin and his tapetum lucidum (don’t say I don’t teach you stuff). Bonus points for the vaguely black metal pose.

5 out of 5 - Yes.

Snarf Elin Lind from Barcelona submitted this photo and two others with the comment “Hi, I hope you will like our photos from a nightly tree climbing excursion.”
Looking at all three photos submitted, you tell that these ladies whole-heartedly embraced their up-tree experience.  They were certainly flinging their skirts around with gay abandon.  I suspect that they may have dressed up for the occasion, but they’ve done well with their monochromatic colour palette, paled up faces and some nice stompy boots.  
The lady in the primary photo has done well with extreme tree height and she’s showing us a bit o’ leg.   She’s not smiling and it’s night time.  I have qualms about the limited black in the outfit, but it’s monochromatic and they seem like they’ve had a jolly good, skirt swishing time, so I’m going to ignore it as best I can.
4.95 out of 5 - I feel like I’m missing something here.

Snarf Elin Lind from Barcelona submitted this photo and two others with the comment “Hi, I hope you will like our photos from a nightly tree climbing excursion.”

Looking at all three photos submitted, you tell that these ladies whole-heartedly embraced their up-tree experience.  They were certainly flinging their skirts around with gay abandon.  I suspect that they may have dressed up for the occasion, but they’ve done well with their monochromatic colour palette, paled up faces and some nice stompy boots.  

The lady in the primary photo has done well with extreme tree height and she’s showing us a bit o’ leg.   She’s not smiling and it’s night time.  I have qualms about the limited black in the outfit, but it’s monochromatic and they seem like they’ve had a jolly good, skirt swishing time, so I’m going to ignore it as best I can.

4.95 out of 5 - I feel like I’m missing something here.

Inquisitor submitted this photo with the comment “Here you see my friend Porange. I was taking perfectly sensible photos of her one night, when a bystander said “Goths up trees!” I, knowing little of the ways of the world, replied “That’s a thing?” Next I knew, we were bound for pastures arboreal… Enjoy.”
To the helpful bystander who made this photo happen, I salute you.  This is an excellent night shot of a paled up lady bedecked in black and white.  Our goth is high up the tree and she’s not smiling.  She looks comfortable in her up-tree pose as if she’s waiting for something. Bonus points for perfect face angling.
5 out of 5 -  If you’re going to yell “goths up trees” at goths, please make sure:a) that the people you’re yelling at are actually goths (and not metallers or hardcore/scene/emo/punk kids or individuals who just love wearing black and don’t identify with any subculture thankyouverymuch),b) that they’re having a photoshoot near a tree, andc) you’re prepared for disdainful looks and eye-rolling if they’re not in a frisky mood.

Inquisitor submitted this photo with the comment “Here you see my friend Porange. I was taking perfectly sensible photos of her one night, when a bystander said “Goths up trees!” I, knowing little of the ways of the world, replied “That’s a thing?” Next I knew, we were bound for pastures arboreal… Enjoy.”

To the helpful bystander who made this photo happen, I salute you.  This is an excellent night shot of a paled up lady bedecked in black and white.  Our goth is high up the tree and she’s not smiling.  She looks comfortable in her up-tree pose as if she’s waiting for something. Bonus points for perfect face angling.

5 out of 5 -  If you’re going to yell “goths up trees” at goths, please make sure:
a) that the people you’re yelling at are actually goths (and not metallers or hardcore/scene/emo/punk kids or individuals who just love wearing black and don’t identify with any subculture thankyouverymuch),
b) that they’re having a photoshoot near a tree, and
c) you’re prepared for disdainful looks and eye-rolling if they’re not in a frisky mood.

etherealrose submitted this photo with the comment “This was taken at a Moonlight Soirée that I hosted recently. I was dubbed a tree troll, complete with branch moustache.”
Branch moustaches are the new, gother version of the tired old hipster finger moustache!  However, the day a goth tattoos a branch moustache onto their finger is the day I start wearing baby pink tracksuits with “Roxy” written across the arse with an ill-fitting singlet, get a fake tan, and change my name to Chantelle.
This goth is looking very relaxed at her soirée.  It’s night time and she appears to be a lowish height up the tree.  I love her silvery hair and massive necklace.  I hope I have this wrong, but it looks like she has a goth tracksuit on.  Is she one of those fabled SportsGoths™?  Is she relaxing up a tree after a swift jog around the moonlit forest?  I don’t know.  She’s not smiling.  Bonus points for using the tree as an accessory.
4.7 out of 5 - No one is allowed to get a branch moustache tattooed on their finger. 

etherealrose submitted this photo with the comment “This was taken at a Moonlight Soirée that I hosted recently. I was dubbed a tree troll, complete with branch moustache.”

Branch moustaches are the new, gother version of the tired old hipster finger moustache!  However, the day a goth tattoos a branch moustache onto their finger is the day I start wearing baby pink tracksuits with “Roxy” written across the arse with an ill-fitting singlet, get a fake tan, and change my name to Chantelle.

This goth is looking very relaxed at her soirée.  It’s night time and she appears to be a lowish height up the tree.  I love her silvery hair and massive necklace.  I hope I have this wrong, but it looks like she has a goth tracksuit on.  Is she one of those fabled SportsGoths™?  Is she relaxing up a tree after a swift jog around the moonlit forest?  I don’t know.  She’s not smiling.  Bonus points for using the tree as an accessory.

4.7 out of 5 - No one is allowed to get a branch moustache tattooed on their finger. 

hollywood-magic submitted this photo with no comment.
Simple, spooky and awesome. She looks like a blonde witchy up-tree version of Sadako from Ringu (or Samara from the American version; The Ring) which scared the crap out of me.  This is why I dressed like her for a party and put a beach towel over the TV in my room after I saw the movie (true story *ahem*). 
She’s relatively low in the tree but she looks as if she’s levitating.   I’m guessing she’s not smiling under her hair, but a terrifyingly demonic smile would be appropriate if she was.  It’s night time and the grainy photo with it’s flaws really make it all the more eerie.  The outfit is simple and effective. Top work.
5 out of 5 - Fact: a beach towel over your TV will stop vengeful ghost girls crawling out of it to kill you.  SEVEN DAYS.

hollywood-magic submitted this photo with no comment.

Simple, spooky and awesome. She looks like a blonde witchy up-tree version of Sadako from Ringu (or Samara from the American version; The Ring) which scared the crap out of me.  This is why I dressed like her for a party and put a beach towel over the TV in my room after I saw the movie (true story *ahem*).

She’s relatively low in the tree but she looks as if she’s levitating.   I’m guessing she’s not smiling under her hair, but a terrifyingly demonic smile would be appropriate if she was.  It’s night time and the grainy photo with it’s flaws really make it all the more eerie.  The outfit is simple and effective. Top work.

5 out of 5 - Fact: a beach towel over your TV will stop vengeful ghost girls crawling out of it to kill you.  SEVEN DAYS.

cressidaknapp submitted this photo with the comment “These photo’s were taken on the January full moon. We did the shoot before initiating each other into the coven ‘Cloud of Bats’. Then we went home and watched Rosemary’s baby and drank tinned Pina Colada’s.”
Straight up… now tell me do you really want to love me forever? oh oh oh…   Sorry, I had a small Paula Abdul moment including hair swishing but minus the tap dancing.  What I meant to say was, straight up, I think we can say that these aren’t goths.  I mean, they might be ✝ uber goffix ✝ at heart but their appearance says “totes hipster” to me.  I appreciate the effort they’ve gone to though and I’m glad they have observed the long standing tradition of drinking pina coladas from a can after a coven initiation.
They’re high up the tree, it’s night time, and they’re not smiling.  Bonus points for the full moon and sunglasses at night.  Points deducted for lack of obvious gothness.
3 out of 5 - After my coven initiation we drank cosmopolitans and watched Sex in the City.  Shitest coven ever.

cressidaknapp submitted this photo with the comment “These photo’s were taken on the January full moon. We did the shoot before initiating each other into the coven ‘Cloud of Bats’. Then we went home and watched Rosemary’s baby and drank tinned Pina Colada’s.”

Straight up… now tell me do you really want to love me forever? oh oh oh…   Sorry, I had a small Paula Abdul moment including hair swishing but minus the tap dancing.  What I meant to say was, straight up, I think we can say that these aren’t goths.  I mean, they might be ✝ uber goffix ✝ at heart but their appearance says “totes hipster” to me.  I appreciate the effort they’ve gone to though and I’m glad they have observed the long standing tradition of drinking pina coladas from a can after a coven initiation.

They’re high up the tree, it’s night time, and they’re not smiling.  Bonus points for the full moon and sunglasses at night.  Points deducted for lack of obvious gothness.

3 out of 5 - After my coven initiation we drank cosmopolitans and watched Sex in the City.  Shitest coven ever.

Brian John Mitchell from Remora showing his Goths Up Trees loving self.  I know it’s probably some eyeliner away from a perfect score….
Maaaaaate, while I heartily approve of your blatant promotion of the site/t-shirt and the effort you’ve gone to display your crotch high up a tree at night time while not smiling, if you love Goths Up Trees that much you would have known not to wear blue pants for fear of incurring my wrath!  At least they’re not denim, but REALLY!  I’m appalled.  This is my appalled face:  >;-{  HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?
4.85 out of 5 - It’s true, some eyeliner would have helped your cause but I just can’t bring myself to give you a perfect score because of your silly blue pants.  Try again and add more gothness.

Brian John Mitchell from Remora showing his Goths Up Trees loving self.  I know it’s probably some eyeliner away from a perfect score….

Maaaaaate, while I heartily approve of your blatant promotion of the site/t-shirt and the effort you’ve gone to display your crotch high up a tree at night time while not smiling, if you love Goths Up Trees that much you would have known not to wear blue pants for fear of incurring my wrath!  At least they’re not denim, but REALLY!  I’m appalled.  This is my appalled face:  >;-{  HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?

4.85 out of 5 - It’s true, some eyeliner would have helped your cause but I just can’t bring myself to give you a perfect score because of your silly blue pants.  Try again and add more gothness.

Ljubica submitted this photo with the comment


Hey, this photo was taken with analogue camera in Parque de Ciudadela in Barcelona, Spain, in the middle of August. We thought the palm would give a special note to the photo. We hope you will like it and publish it as soon as possible!  Keep up the great work and greetings from Spain. Ljubi, Eva, Steve (photographer)


Ah, yes, I see what you did there.  The old ‘put the goths up an unexpected tree’ trick.  Well, hats (or shoes) off to you. 
The analogue camera and black and white filter certainly add a bit of eeriness to the otherwise cheery palm tree setting.  Goth no. 1 isn’t high up the tree but points for her excellent use of mask.  Goth no.2 is high up the tree but she’s a bit blurry.  They’re not smiling and it’s night time. 
4.95 out of 5 - A million points to the goths who climb trees containing millions of spiders. 

Ljubica submitted this photo with the comment

Hey, this photo was taken with analogue camera in Parque de Ciudadela in Barcelona, Spain, in the middle of August. We thought the palm would give a special note to the photo. We hope you will like it and publish it as soon as possible!  Keep up the great work and greetings from Spain. Ljubi, Eva, Steve (photographer)

Ah, yes, I see what you did there.  The old ‘put the goths up an unexpected tree’ trick.  Well, hats (or shoes) off to you. 

The analogue camera and black and white filter certainly add a bit of eeriness to the otherwise cheery palm tree setting.  Goth no. 1 isn’t high up the tree but points for her excellent use of mask.  Goth no.2 is high up the tree but she’s a bit blurry.  They’re not smiling and it’s night time. 

4.95 out of 5 - A million points to the goths who climb trees containing millions of spiders