OddJoNNY submitted this photo with the comment “Bubbles too!!!”
This is a bloody perky looking goth blowing bubbles up a tree. I suppose it’s pretty difficult to blow bubbles in a sombre manner. I would try myself, for research purposes, but all I have are bacon bubbles for blowing at your dog in the hope that they’ll pull a stupid face. Blowing bacon flavoured bubbles is probably going to make contemplating mortality fairly challenging. I’m willing to give it a go for science.
Our goth here is a good height up the tree, she’s not smiling and she’s in the shade, although it’s clearly day time. Bonus points for the excellent bubbles, the cute socks, sunnies, and the vamp fringe (oh, how I wish I could pull off a decent vamp fringe). Excellent work.
4.85 out of 5 - I just realised that the lyrics to ‘I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles’ are a bit depressing and goffick:
I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams,
They fade and die.
Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “goth sloth.”
This photo had the makings of something truly beautiful but we’ve been let down, yet again, by the subject goth’s inability to control their facial muscles. I have a vast experience of hanging upside-down so I KNOW that you can stop yourself from smiling from this particular position. Imitating a sloth is no excuse.
Despite the lack of control over the facial expression, the goth IS a medium height up the tree, they’re in a graveyard and it is definitely night time. I’m impressed but it could have been so much more.
4.9 out of 5 - Just remember that sloths only relieve themselves once a week. If you’re trying to channel a sloth but in a goth fashion just think of how happy would you be if you only relieved yourself once a week and then represent that in a facial expression.
Sarah submitted this photo with the comment “Spooky kids work out too.”
I know it may be a shock to some non-goths but many goths work out. Yes, I know, you’ve probably never seen a goth on the squat rack at your local gym but we often choose different workout situations such as a few laps of the cemetery at dusk or, in my case, at a gym in a hospital conveniently placed next to the morgue.
This goth has an appropriately dark and stripey workout outfit on so bonus points there. However, I know you can buy black gym shoes so I question her dedication to being a true Sportsgoth™. At least her shoes aren’t white or fluro. She’s a good height up the tree and she looks relaxed after a hard gravestone hurdling session. She’s not smiling and she’s in a graveyard at dusk.
4.85 out of 5 - I’m feeling motivated for some Sportsgoth™ action at my gym/morgue right now.
Dorylini submitted this photo with the comment “it was raining, so we went to the graveyard, of course.”
My faith in the gothic subculture is being restored one goth up a tree (in a graveyard at night) at a time. This goth is showing particular dedication by enduring the elements to climb her tree (although apparently she chose the graveyard because it was raining, so is it dedication or a fondness for bark inflicted grazes?)
Bonus points for the tree height, the lack of smile, the black velvet dress, the boots, and the mid-climb action shot. The graveyard looks sufficiently eerie and this goth has made the up-tree experience look entirely natural.
5 out of 5 - Why aren’t there any graveyards around my town with decent trees? WHY?
Margaret submitted this photo with the comment “we went to a graveyard on a cold rainy evening, there’s no effect on the picture, the light was just weird colors. also possible ghost involvement.”
I find it difficult to be impressed these days due to the world being a constant source of disappointment to me, but this photo has genuinely impressed me. For the first time in at least a year I nearly cracked a smile. Not only is this goth up a tree in a cemetery but she’s there at night time, she’s not smiling and there’s eerie shit going on with the light. What can I say apart from 5 points, friends? NOTHING.
5 out of 5 - Nothing else matters.
Gothika submitted this photo with the comment “Being a goth is more than a style…it’s a way of life. I live my life in trees full of hate and death. Black soul and black blood runs through the veins of my body.”
This goth approaches being up a tree with an appropriate level of seriousness. I’m unsure of how her trees can be full of hate and death, though. My guess is that they’re infested with those stinky ants that secrete formic acid when threatened (aka ‘piss ants’ as we sophisticates in Australia call them). It seems pretty extreme to call ant-ridden trees full of hate and death, though. Perhaps she just really hates ants.
She’s a medium height up the tree, she’s not smiling and she’s in the shade despite it being a sunny day. She’s appropriately gothed-up with some ant-stomping boots and some hand-protecting lace fingerless gloves. Her veins/skin look pretty normal for someone whose blood runs black. Perhaps she should get that looked at.
4.6 out of 5 - Hating ants is serious business.
Alastair Appleby submitted this photo with the comment “Whilst taking our Grandson to a park I saw this tree and thought let`s go for it, your only young twice, even though I was wearing my new Sacrosanct Festival Tee shirt, I might even be the eldest Goth on here.”
I’m pretty sure this guy is the eldest goth on here. He’s definitely the only one that has a grandchild (that I know of, kiddy goths these days can procreate young). I’m attributing the out of focus photo to the fact that the eldergoth photographer forgot their glasses, so we’re lucky that the goth up the tree was in the frame at all.
I can’t wait until I’m an eldergoth so I can wear prescription black sclera contact lenses with my gravity affected droopy tattoos and piercings, platform boots (with no tread) and my all-black outfit to lawn bowls. I’ll be all ‘In your face, lawn bowls authorities’, and then I’ll bite into a fake blood capsule and then spit my false teeth at them.
Back to the goth at hand, he’s high up the tree so bonus ‘oh my aching knees’ points for that. He has a slight smile on his face but we’re going to ignore that. He’s out in daylight but it’s an overcast looking day. Many bonus points for eldergoth-ness and festival attendance. Rock.
4.5 out of 5 - Respect your eldergoths
blackischeerful submitted this photo with the comment “My boyfriend (whose logo is in the corner) wanted to do a photoshoot, and I thought it would be fun to climb this tree. Unfortunately it wasn’t very tall…”
How cute is this goth? Bloody cute. She has the smug look of a goth girl with a photographer boyfriend who doesn’t have to rely on ridiculous self-portraits and blurry drunken nightclub photos for her blog content. Damn her.
Our goth is nicely gothed up and in an interesting hand-like, albeit low slung, tree. She’s out in daylight but she’s mostly hidden from the sun’s rays. Bonus points for the boots, corset and hood.
4.6 out of 5 - Points deducted because I’m sure the photographer boyfriend could have stretched to a night time shot. COME ON!
osirianzen submitted this photo with the comment “Alt. models Osirian and Black Lily as Eric Draven and Harley Quinn. Photo by Barfridge LeStrange”
What the hell is Eric Draven doing fraternising with Harley Quinn during the day (or at any time for that matter)? Eric’s brooding character suits some up-tree lamentation and I suppose Harley could have decided to tease him about his love of gaffer tape and the way he badly copies her make-up.
It looks like a sunny day, which is quite disappointing. Eric is a decent height up the tree but he’s not smiling. I like that he has gone to the trouble to bring along his guitar. Harley Quinn appears to be a cyber-gothed up for the occasion.
4.7 out of 5 - Perhaps Harley is attracted to men who are bad at applying make-up. I know I am.
suilean-dubh submitted this photo with the comment “My bf-at-the-time-but-no-longer were taking a walk in a light drizzle early last spring and I wanted to climb a tree because hey it’s fun and he snapped this.”
Call me nosey, but I wish this goth had given us some details about why she’s no longer with her “bf-at-the-time-but-no-longer”. If I had to guess, I’d say it was because the ex-bf experienced podophobia (fear of feet) and she was a shoe-less and fancy free goth who became tired of her beloved constantly trying to conceal her feet. What started off as an endearing foible became a bloody nuisance and she broke it off in a fit of rage after a particularly irritating visit to the local mall.
This photo was clearly taken in happier times hence the slight smile and the full display of feet. Our goth is appropriately pale and black-clad. She’s a decent height up the tree and it’s either overcast or taken at dusk.
4.4 out of 5 - I have a phobia of becoming dendrophobic.
Elaine Valerie Rauhöft submitted this photo with the comment:
"This is my Goth up a tree. My daughter Hope has spent many hours in this tree throughout her life and I witnessed her gradual metamorphosis from child tree climber to Treegoth with great interest. This tree was her refuge and friend and even though she has grown up now, it still is. This dress took us 2 years to sew and we took these pictures when it was finally finished in May 2013."
If I had an actual heart rather than a beautifully carved ice replica, this story of a girl growing with her tree into goth-hood would warm it. Instead, my ice replica heart crunched a bit in irritation because it didn’t understand why a dress would take 2 years to make.
Dress construction time aside, this is a lovely photo of a goth up a tree. She’s high up the tree, she’s not smiling and her 2 year old dress is displayed to it’s fullest drapey capacity. It’s daylight but she’s in the shade.
4.7 out of 5 - Sometimes my ice replica heart and my vodka addled brain have disagreements ending in delicious slushies.
so-i-mimed-ducks submitted this photo with the comment “British goth up a French tree…”
That’s bloody multicultural goth up a tree action, that is. I propose that this is how we solve international conflict: everyone involved gets up a tree belonging to an opposing nation and then they discuss the issues. Probably via video conference. Up tree video conferences in the dark with all involved dressed in goffick attire and trying not to smile. I can’t imagine this idea not working.
This goth is a decent height up the tree, they’re not smiling and they’re in the shade, although it is daylight. Bonus points for the spiky accessories. I don’t know what’s written on the t shirt but I probably should.
4.4 out of 5 - do they mean that the tree is located in France or is the tree native to France?
croserun submitted this photo with the comment “It was 2003. I was underage and convinced that oversized hoodies were the height of fashion. I stood in a tree in a corset, my friend perched above me. WE ARE GOTHS.”
I like how adamant she is that she and her friend are goths. Gone are the days when goths refused to be labelled. “No we’re not goths, we’re unique individuals who reject your tedious subculture stereotypes! We just like wearing black, damnit.” I have actual medical proof that I am a goth, as I just got some test results back that show that I’m severely vitamin D deficient. How does one become vitamin D deficient, I hear you ask? LACK OF SUNLIGHT. HA! Proof of goth!
They’re a decent height up the tree and they’re not smiling. It’s a cold and gloomy looking day, perfect for working on your vitamin D deficiency. They’re wearing the kind of outfits I would have worn in 2003, so bonus points there.
4.7 out of 5 - They should print your vitamin D status on goth cards for proof of gothness.
sempiternaltearsontape submitted this photo with the comment “This was one of several trees my friend Laura and I climbed on Friday 13th. This particular photo was taken by our wonderful friend Bryce in a 19th Century cemetery in Sydney not too far from where I live.”
Happy gothmas everyone! To celebrate gothmas (or Halloween as you non-goths call it) we have some of my countrymen (or country-people) up a tree in a cemetery in front of a McDonalds establishment. It’s so good of Maccas to set up shop next to a cemetery to cater for the small portion of the goth population who love a bit of fast food after a long hard up-tree cemetery session.
Our goths here are doing all the right things: they’re high up the tree, they’re not smiling and they’re gothed up appropriately. They’re out in daylight but they’re in the shade. I’m not sure whether their up-tree positions suggest relaxed goth-friendship or if one is supporting the other after she ingested some fast “food”. Either way I like it.
4.8 out of 5 - I hope there’s a pub near that cemetery as well.
madfishmonger submitted this photo with the comment “After the Grand and Gothic Ball, we went to the nearby graveyard and took some photos. My friend kept making me laugh, but I am trying to look gloomy; I didn’t want to lose points for smiling.”
What kind of friend tries to make a fellow goth smile whilst she’s up a tree and has all the elements of a 5 star photo going for her? An inconsiderate friend who should probably be struck from the friends-list! This goth isn’t strictly smiling but she does look amused. She’s in a commanding pose and is well dressed for a Ball. I particularly like the self-stripe theme to her outfit. She’s high up the tree and it’s night time. Top work.
4.98 out of 5 - Reassess friendships with sabotaging goths