Emily submitted this photo with the comment “World Goth day picnic 2013”. She also submitted it with the comment “World goth day picnic 2016-2017?  An oldy but a goody.”

Whenever it was, I think we can agree that it was a good year and likely a very enjoyable picnic. Goths mostly don’t admit that something was a good time until 2-3 years after the event happened. Frankly, it’s not appropriate to admit it. That is unless it was the first time they went out to a gig or club after lockdowns and then it was all “THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE, I LOVE YOUSE ALL!” (obviously, these are Australian goths) and then immediately reinstated the 2-3 year wait for good-time acknowledgement as is right and proper.

Our goth here has chosen to observe World Goth Day up a tree.  I appreciate their warm and practical yet stylish outfit for the Northern hemisphere May weather.  Bonus points for platform boots of a practical height, patterned trousers, and most excellent goth Dame Edna cat-eye sunglasses.  There’s no smiling and they’re a good height up the tree.  They’re out in the daylight but it appears to be an overcast day, so reduced chance of UV exposure. 

4.4 out of 5 – Some sad old goths are so goth that they will never admit that they’ve ever had a good time (or that they’re goths). They’ll probably also whinge about how mainstream goth is becoming these days.

it-stimefortea submitted this photo with the comment “Wedding reception cottage core goth. The bride and groom chose a local beach (not very goth friendly,) but I made the most of it and found a tree to climb. Embarrassing photos of the tree scaling process available upon request.”

The wedding reception themed goth up a tree is one of my favourite goths up a tree. Admittedly, they are often out in the daylight and there’s usually some alcohol induced mirth involved, but wedding guests generally have a lot of time waiting for the couple of the moment to do *something* (having photos, exhausted crying, cleaning up the vomit in the hallway of your husband-to-be’s Aunt who pre-loaded and then passed out within 30 mins of the vows) and can use that productively, up a tree.

Obviously, my own wedding involved a lot of goths up trees and even I didn’t abide by my own rules. WITNESS MY ULTIMATE SHAME (I’m the one who looks like she’s drunkenly and mysteriously promoting cheap cider up a tree in a fancy frock - the whole thing is very ungoth - 0 out of 5).

Moving on, our goth here is not smiling has done an excellent job of positioning herself up a tree with appropriately welcoming limbs. I appreciate her no-nonsense expression and pose. She looks as if she’s meant to be there. Points deducted for daylight and beachy location but she’s in the shade. Bonus points for the sock/sandal situation and wedding appropriate cottage-core goth dress.

4.4 out of 5 - Use your time waiting around at weddings wisely and spend it up a tree (and then take a photo of it and send it to me).

Submitted by an anonymous person “my friend took this of me at the goth club aftersesh and i feel it really represents what kinda weekend that was”.

This photo was clearly submitted in joyous, drunken, pre-pandemic times and gives us a lovely reminder of how care-free and willing to hang from trees after a night at da klub we used to be (yes, I’m speaking as a sad, old, sentimental goth who lives in a small, 1 goth nightclub town at the bottom of the world who hasn’t been out to a club in months *le sigh*).

This goth is out in the morning light and has cleverly hidden their face so we have no clue if smiling is involved or not. They don’t appear to be very high up the tree but I am impressed with the green haze of hair that blends nicely with the foliage. I also applaud their ability to keep their tights miraculously snag-free after a hard night and an up-tree situation. That takes skill (or a particularly robust pair of tights).

4.4 out of 5 - The bigger the hair the less chance you have of being marked down for smiling.

Clint Catalyst submitted this photo with the comment “Photo by Sasha Sheldon, 2008 – submitted because I just stumbled upon this image in a folder, remembered your site, and lawled.”

Well, well, well. Another jewel from the time before this blog. In case any of you baby goffs/goth adjacent types need any further proof that goths were posing arboreally long before I started posting about it nearly 10 (?!) years ago, here’s a glorious example.

Here we have a very fine goth beautifully lit in a tree. He’s not smiling and it’s night time. He’s certainly very close to a tree but I’m not confident he’s actually up it, so I have to deduct points for height. Bonus points for the pre-blog photo, excellent lighting, and strong belt buckle approach.

4.6 out of 5 – Calling all current sad old goths (SOGs - I identify as a SOG) and former goths - send me your pre-2011 photos of your gothed-up self up a tree if you please. I promise I will take good care of it.

Kary submitted this photo with the comment “This is me - Kary, up in a tree. I found out something the hard way that day while attempting to climb into that tree; I found out that goth winklepickers/goth pikes are the absolute worst (the absolute most slippery) type of shoes to climb in, ha ha ha ha!”

Here we have, for the very first time*, a goth wedged up a tree. She’s not particularly high up there and she’s out in daylight but there’s no smiling. Bonus points for difficulty, composure despite obvious discomfort, rarity of the pose/situation and hair volume. Good to know that winklepickers/pikes are not suitable for tree climbing. Perhaps getting some non-slip sole grips installed would assist future winklepicker wearing goths in their up-tree exploits.

4.6 out of 5 - Visit your local cobbler.

* For the first time that I can remember. Given that I’ve been doing this for 10 years and I have drunk a *lot* of alcohol in that time, it’s possible that there have been others that I don’t remember.

Catherine Noire submitted this photo with no comment.

What we have here is a goth up a tree in a forest clutching a scythe. I assume they’re just taking a breather from a hard day’s work harvesting souls or perhaps their successful and darkly elegant lawn mowing business (which would take longer than your standard landscaper but would be much more calming to witness).

Our goth is relatively high up what appears to be a fallen tree in a forest. She’s not smiling but is out in daylight. Bonus points for the glorious shroud situation and scythe. I hope this activity went through some sort of risk assessment process before the photo was taken.

4.8 out of 5 - Imagine the amount of sunscreen a goth gardening business would go through.

Lizabeth Hanson submitted this photo with the comment “My kids were up for some family fun tree photos. This was the best of all. I’m considering making this our Christmas card, though I think several of my family members may not understand our joy.”*

When I look at this photo, I think family fun. I also think about how they’re out in the daylight and they’re not very high up their tree. However, they do get bonus points for the quantity of goths up the tree and the angle of the photo through the screen of bare branches, which warms the cockles of my icy heart. The apathy level of the goth on the right is admirable, the goth on the left looks downright offended, and the middle goth looks gloriously regal.

I am slightly disheartened by the white-accented sneaker situation but this photo was possibly taken when the all black sneaker was not widely available.* What terrifically sad times for sportsgoths they were.

4.8 out of 5 - This could easily be converted to a 5 if they did use this photo for their family Christmas card.

*OK, so, this is quite an old submission. I discovered some old submissions in my email *cough*, so get ready for more posts, fiends.

Robert Schmalenberg submitted this photo with the comment “i submit myself in this case, a warm spring day somewhere in Grunewald - Berlin , went to see the grave of Nico (from Velvet Underground)”.

Choosing a dead, fallen, moss-covered tree to be upon for your submission is admittedly pretty goth but doesn’t get this goth many points for height. He admits that it’s a warm spring day which sounds altogether too pleasant and not at all appropriate, although that weather does allow for a bit of pasty white rib-revealing shirt action minus the goosebumps. He’s out in the day light but he’s not smiling and he’s stomping his way across that tree in a picturesque forest to get to the graveyard where Nico is buried, so points for dedication. Bonus points also given for the way his jacket is slung across his shoulder and looks a bit like a cape.

4.3 out of 5 - Bonus points always given for anything vaguely resembling a cape.